Chapter 189 - Who Is To Blame?

Delaney rode in the carriage and felt alone without Vincent there beside her. She bit her lip and turned her ring around and around on her finger. Maybe Ian was right and she should have told her husband where she was going first. She might have if he hadn't been angry and she didn't already feel embarrassed about it.

The carriage rolled down the streets towards the location she had given the driver. Delaney looked out the windows and wished everyone would be at home but the weather was lovely and the shops seemed to all be busy already. She didn't want to be seen and she wished she'd brought her cloak. Although she supposed she would have stood out even more being a hooded figure in the crowd.

They came to a stop not far from the shops but not close enough that anyone would be able to guess where she was going. The door was opened and Ian was there waiting for her with a look of disapproval.

Delaney rolled her eyes at him as she reached out to take his hand so he could help her down. Taking her little purse on her wrist she walked off down the wooden pathway without waiting for him. Ian was quick though with his long legs and he'd caught up to her sooner than she would have liked. She didn't acknowledge him. There was no point in arguing about her plans anymore. Especially since she was already here and going through with them.

"Are you going to at least tell me where you're going?" he asked, "Since I'm going with you I think I should get to know."

Delaney frowned at him and didn't answer.

"Is Vincent going to be mad about whatever it is? Is that why you're being sneaky about it?"

"I'm not being sneaky."

"Yes, you are Delaney! You snuck out of the house without telling him and you came all the way here. Now we're walking to who knows where and you won't tell me a thing. That's sneaky."

"Alright!" she hissed, wanting him to be quiet before he drew attention to them. She came to a stop and looked all around her, making sure there was no one close enough to hear her.

"Alright," she repeated in an annoyed whisper, "If you must know. I... I'm going to see a doctor."

" A doctor?" he questioned with surprise, "But there's nothing wrong with you."

Delaney glared at him before turning and continuing to march on down the walkway.

"Wait I'm sorry," he hurried ahead, reached out and lightly caught her wrist, making her come to a stop again, "I'm sorry. Tell me what happened. Did you get hurt?"

Delaney looked down, feeling her cheeks warm, "No I... I didn't get hurt..."

He frowned in confusion, "What's wrong then? You haven't really struck me as being ill but I suppose we've been traveling a lot and..."

"I don't think I can get pregnant," she cut him off, suddenly just wanting to have it out in the open with someone else besides her husband.

Ian stammered to a stop and looked at her, blinking as his mind tried to come up with something to say.

"I... Delaney, you're... Vince he...."

"Selina is pregnant. You've never met her but she used to be my best friend. She's been married less time than I have and is already so far along they think she must have gotten pregnant as soon as they were wed. And my friend Olive, Bernard's wife who passed away, she was pregnant very soon after getting married as well."

As Delaney spoke tears began to fill her eyes and slip down her cheeks. Ian looked around to make sure no one was watching them before he took her hand and pulled her into the little grassy alley between two of the buildings where they wouldn't be overheard. He pulled his sleeve over his palm and used it to wipe away her tears.

"Shh," he tried to calm her, "I'm sure there's nothing..."

"There was something wrong with my mother," she interrupted him again, "I was the only baby she ever managed to have and she and my father were married for many years and very much in love."

"Delaney..."

"And look at my Aunt and Uncle!" her words were beginning to come out faster and so were her tears, "That's my father's side of the family and they weren't able to have children either. Maybe I've inherited it from both my parent's and I'll just never be able to have any children at all."

"Wait, Delaney stop," Ian urged, catching both of her hands in his now and holding them tightly.

He looked at her with serious chocolate eyes, "I know how that must be scary to think about because I know you and Vince want a family but... but you haven't even been married a whole year yet. My father and his wife didn't have their first child until they'd been married several years but my mother had my sister right away. Everyone's different. It just might take you a little more time. That's all. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."

"But... But I don't have time," she whispered, "I don't have any time to wait and hope nothing is wrong with me. I have to find out now so I can know if I can fix it or if this really is hopeless."

"What?" Ian shook his head, "What do you mean you don't have time? You have your whole lives."

Delaney looked up at her friend as her tears slid down her cheeks.

"Oh Ian," she whispered, "I've made such terrible choices I think I might have cost myself everything."

She didn't know if Vincent would approve but with Ian being her only friend she had left with her, she broke down and told him everything.

Delaney told how Vincent had gone off to the war and when he had come home she'd thought his injuries would cause him to be cruel and angry. She even admitted that she had believed she would never be able to love him with his marks and that she was destined for a miserable life. Delaney explained how her Uncle had been on her side at the time saying that Vincent shouldn't force her to keep their contract with everything that was wrong with him now. At last, she told him of the deal she and Vincent had agreed upon and that her year was more than half over already.

When the story came to an end, Ian stood staring at her with his stony, unreadable expression back in place.

Finally, he shook his head and sighed, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry that this has happened to you and Vincent. I had no idea."

"I don't know that he would appreciate me telling you about it," she whispered, "He thinks it's his fault that we haven't been able to have a baby but I truly think it could be me."

Ian sighed and rubbed circles into one of his temples with his eyes closed.

"Come on," he said quietly after a little time, "Let's take you to see your doctor."

-

Ian waited outside while Delaney went in and had her visit with the doctor that had known her for many years. They had walked quickly and Delaney had kept her head down so she wouldn't be seen. She didn't want to stir up anymore gossip about herself or her husband.

By the time her doctor was finished with her and she put the coin in his hand, she knew barely more than she had known going in.

The doctor said there was nothing wrong with her that he could find and like everyone else, reminded her she had only been married less than a year. Delaney had no interest in telling her doctor about her deal with her husband so she just nodded and thanked him.

When she walked outside after, she found Ian waiting anxiously.

"So?" he questioned, "What did he have to say? Did he find anything wrong?"

"He said very little," she sighed, "But for now it looks like I'm not the cause of our trouble. Although that doesn't make me feel better in the least."

Ian nodded slowly but didn't seem surprised to hear it.

"Vincent's body has been through a lot and he still struggles with things," he said quietly as they walked back towards the carriage, "I don't know that that means he'll never be able to have a child with you but I do imagine that would make things harder."

Delaney noddd, "I don't know what I'm going to tell him now."

They were both quiet for a bit.

"You won't be able to lie to him, Delaney. You love each other too much. If you do he'll know."

"I know but if I tell him I came here and went to the doctor and everything looks fine for me, it will only further fuel his belief that we haven't gotten pregnant because of him and that we never will."

Ian sighed, "I think he would rather know that hard truth now than ever find out you'd lied to him."

Delaney dropped her gaze as they arrived at the carriage and Ian turned to look at her.

"Alright," she whispered, "I'll tell him."