Chapter 157 - Denial

I did notice my mother had changed and her moods had lowered, she quickly turned off day after day and before we even realized it she turned in a different person and we could do nothing to change the situation. We had never talked about her and our father since that moment and I didn't even imagine she noticed my mother's change. "I wonder how the same person who had told me those things back then is the same person who called me a disappointment when I told her about Carol."She covered her face with her hands and I understood she had never moved on the quarrel she had without mother. I sympathize with her, sure enough, that wasn't a good thing to say to your daughter.

I removed her hands from her face and hugged her, "I am so sorry. She didn't mean those things she was just desperate and confused."

She began to sob and cry in the cab releasing all the sadness and frustration she probably hold for too long.

I hugged her more tightly, "you have me. Now. And forever. Alright?" 

She nodded, "alright."

"Get back to the last address," I said to the driver.

She lifted her gaze and shook her head, "no!"

"Yes, Evelyn. You need to tell her how bad she made you feel. She owes you apologies." 

The car got back at my mother's place and when Evelyn fixed her mascara not to leave any traces of her crying I held her hand and pulled her outside of the car. We walked to the door and knocked on it. 

Angie went to open it and was very shocked to see us there, she tilted her head to the side and frowned, "had something happened?"

I pushed Evelyn inside and then hissed, "tell her."

Evelyn rolled her eyes to the sky and then finally found the courage to blurt out all her anger. 

"The reason why I was sassy earlier is how hard I try I hadn't forgiven you for never confronting me about my identity and for calling me a disappointment and threatening me so badly when I told you the truth."

Our mother placed her hand on her chest and sighed before sitting on the sofa.

Evelyn took a deep breath to charge before exhaling and spitting out her next shoot, "I also thought you cared about us but I had been wondering if you truly do, care. Lately, you put your own needs and fears before us, you even begged and threatened Lily to get back to Carl even if you knew he wasn't a good man for her. And God knows if you will ever do the same on the first occasion Carol and I have a serious issue which threatens our relationship."

Her voice broke and her eyebrows raised down in a frown, "I am glad that you're playing the perfect mom card now but I do not believe you. I don't want to pretend I do and then get disappointed again when your fears came to the surface."

Mom's face grew paler and she laid her forehead on her hands, "I am sorry." Her voice came out as a low whisper.

"I am sorry if I gave you this bad image of myself of such an unstable mother." My mother cut it off and rolled her eyes. I even wondered if she listed to my sister at all. She had never mentioned she was insane, maybe she didn't know how to justify herself and she had to find an escape from her sudden change. 

But now we weren't teenagers or children anymore and we were too grown and mature for such a denial behavior and for not getting the answers we needed.

"I am not calling you unstable." Evelyn folded her arms, "I am just telling you that you need to work harder to show me you are by my side. I had spent my entire life fearing to hide just because I was scared of your judgment. But now that I got a taste of what means being myself without fears and concerns I won't let you or anyone else get that away from me."

I was so proud of her that I smiled at her statement, I knew part of her progress was thanks to me and thanks to my support, if it wasn't for me maybe she should have never found the will and courage to come out. 

I may hadn't been the perfect sister she deserved me to be in the past but now she understood my will to change and to improve our relationship so I couldn't be more grateful to her for trusting me and giving me a chance.

"I don't want to get in your way, Evelyn." Our mother said shaking her head as if she wanted to say she didn't agree with my sister's accusation.

"I hope so mom. Because in case you do I doubt I will forgive you one more time."

My mother's eyes filled with sadness, "what...?" She asked with a very low broken voice. She was taken aback and in disbelief, I knew my mother may have been disappointed by that statement nonetheless my sister was right. My mother couldn't expect her to always be there and patiently wait for her to change and accept her. 

"You would cut me off your life if I do some mistakes? I am your mother!"

"Exactly because you're my mother I do not expect you to do those mistakes. I am just warning you, mom. I appreciate today's efforts but I still need reassurance and love. I won't accept to be threatened or said those terrible things anymore."

My mother took long inner breaths and then exhaled, "fine. I will try my best."

Evelyn smiled and hugged Angie shily, "I am sure you can do it.. You just need to find inside you that part of yourself who belongs to the past and who would love me for who I am."