Chapter 108 - Happy To Have You

The maid walked away and carried away with her my preoccupations as well. She told me what I had already in front of my eyes but couldn't see, she meant that Cameron was proving his love and his attachment with facts where words failed to come out, just like I let out my sadness through feelings instead of tears.

I had to read through the lines and not

force him to say he loved me if he wasn't ready yet.

He proved to me that he loved me like Carl and the other men I had during the years never proved with words.

When he came back I had a huge smile on my lips and I didn't refrain from the urge to hug him in my arms and push him closer. 

"What is the hug due to?" He inquired as he chuckled.

I shrugged, "just happy to have you back."

We walked both on our seats and waited for the maid to bring us the desert.

"I am happy too, that's why I wanted to ask you if you can take the day off on Monday so we can have a trip together to the sea."

"A trip together? And you are even asking? Of course, I do!" I exclaimed. I just had to think about the palace and who to commission of taking care of the place during my absence. At least to check the painters.

"Good," he stroked my hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek.

The maid came with the cake which was already cut and served to us in two dishes with cream to the side.

"Thank you," The maid and I shared an understanding smile.

I cut a bit of the cake and leaned it closer to my lips, "where are we going?" I asked curiously before taking the bite.

"You will see then." He smiled before slouching forward and kissing me.

"Even if every place with you is just great until you are there." He offered me a big smile which I soon returned.

No matter where we went or where we came from, we only needed the other one to be happy and that was more important than any other thing in the entire world.

"I hope I can make you happy, Lily. I want us to last. I want a future for us." He lifted his gaze to look at my lips and then he swallowed down and stared at me in the eyes.

"Me too." 

I failed once at choosing my forever, this time I didn't want to fail anymore.

His hands dived into my hair and massaged my scalp with his thumb before he pushed me closer to him.

He kissed me, "we are the forever, the fairytale. I have no intention to let it fade away." He whispered the words which tapped on my lips.

"I love you, Cameron." I said, again, but this time without fear, "I don't want you to say it back but I want you to know. I never loved anyone as much as I love you."

"I know." He whispered back, with a pleading gaze as he was begging me to understand he was sorry for not saying it back.

When the dinner was over he told the maid to leave and to come back the next day.

He walked me into his bedroom but contrary to what my mind first switched to he didn't kiss me. He opened his backpack and slid out the three books I recommended him to read.

"This book," he said tapping his fingers on Pride and prejudice, "this book is amazing, heartbreaking at first but then amazing." 

I smiled, "I told you, he had pride issues and didn't find the courage to confess to her he loved her."

"But at the end they made it. They learned how to love each other despite their vulnerabilities." 

Darcy and Elizabeth's situation resembled our situation, somehow. Entangled by invisible cords or rules or fears that we will eventually overcome with time.

His eyes slid over me and I feel a joy embrace my heart.

He gave me the books and then raised an eyebrow, "check the pages when you have some time I put notes on them."

Notes on it? Something so silly which made me so happy and excited at the idea of reading his notes, his thoughts, his feelings. And have those forever with me linked to my favorite books.

Everything he made somehow reinforced my feelings giving me one more reason to add to the list of whys I love him.

I slid the books in my bag and then I left my gaze flicker around the room.

"I wrote a letter." He broke the silence with a broken voice. I wait for him to continue but he took longer than I expected leaving me hanging in curiosity.

He cleared his voice, blinking a few times nervously as his jaw tickled. 

"I met a therapist during the meetings I had and he suggested I write a letter. I wrote a letter to my parents to let my anger out." 

He paused for some instants then cleared his voice, "you can try to do it too."

My breath got stuck before reaching my lungs and I felt like I am floating in distress as I realized he was suggesting I could do the same thing to grieve for my grandfather.

"Maybe it will help." He said.

I nodded, "hope it will help you."

I didn't give him the guarantee I would do it because as soon as I remembered my grandfather was gone a stab of the sharpest knife penetrated in the middle of my heart.

I checked my clock and kissed him before walking out of his room. He walked faster to reach the door before me. He stopped me on my way out by gripping over my wrist.

"See you tomorrow." He said, kissing me one more time. His kiss was full of love and devotion provoking shivers to run all over my body.

"See you."