Chapter 52 - Wherever He Is

I got in my car, and drove to the airport one hour earlier than her arrival, arriving early was one of my favorite things, I could take some time to rest and have a coffee without the need to rush.

Joanna got out of the train and her gaze traveled to all the people when it finally fell on me I smiled and we both started to walk hastily toward each other, passing through the crowd like two girls who hadn't seen each other in a long time.

Her eyes filled with tears and when we embraced she exploded in tears, hugging me so tightly that I could feel the hug and affection in my bones.

"I missed you a lot," she inhaled a long breath, I tried to depart but she squeezed me more preventing me to stop hugging her. So I tightened my arms around her shoulders and smiled, "how are you?"

When you experience something so painful like the loss of a dear relative asking how are you must be just as useless as saying that you're sorry for their loss. Such sentences wouldn't take away the pain or make it less excruciating.

"I am fine now." She said in a whisper, even if I knew saying that she was fine was an exaggeration I still appreciated it, she embraced me for some more instants and then when her eyes were not filled with tears anymore she finally let me go.

I took her under my arm and walked to a bar, "you're probably starving, I am sure you didn't have breakfast."

When her lips hinted at a smile, I deduced I was right assuming she didn't eat so I ordered for her a coffee and a muffin.

She looked at the muffin for some instance and right when she opened her mouth to speak, I intervened: "Even if you're not hungry, you need to eat." I read her mind, whenever she was sad she always lost her appetite, since she was younger.

"Fine," she said scoffing and taking a small bite of her blueberry muffin.

"You didn't go to work?" she asked, her eyes were still bloated and red. Her eyelashes were still dark from her crying.

"I didn't, I took advantage of my dearest friend to take a day off."

She tilted her head to the side and took another long breath, ripping a blueberry out of her muffin and eating it, "I didn't even clean my house, I left like if I was escaping town." She sighed resentfully.

"It's fine, you did the best thing by choosing to leave that house. You will come back to check on that house when you will be ready." I reassured her shaking her hand, we shared a smile and when she finished her muffin we got in the car.

As soon as we got there she exploded in a liberating cry, tears sliding their ways down her cheek fastly. Even if she drove them away they kept falling even fastly and bursting.

I felt so bad for Joanna, if there was anything I could do to make her feel better or soften away the pain I would do it.

But I guessed only time was useful in those cases, all I could do was make her feel welcomed in both my life and my house and give her all my love.

I didn't have time to make her the room I planned and to decor it as much as I wanted, and I only managed to decor it with colorful curtains and bedsheets during her flight.

When we walked into my house she finally stopped crying, yet she was still holding my hand as if just through physical contact she could soak the love she so desperately needed.

She pulled me nearer to her bed and then she laid down, "lay next to me," she said climbing to the side of the bed to make room for me.

I laid next to her and we both looked at the ceiling quietly, until she turned to the side to stare at me and her voice broke the silence.

"What do you think people go when they ...." she couldn't finish the sentence, she only swallowed down the lump in her throat.

"I don't know, I don't think we're supposed to know. But one thing I am sure about is that he is still here with you, but you can't see him." I smiled, but she seemed disappointed by my reply as if that was not what she expected.

Seeing her sad facial expression I wished I could have given her the answer she expected me to give her even if that would have meant lying to her.

"I don't think he is here. Some people say they can feel their presence near them but I can't." She turned around to that I didn't see her eyes filling with tears again forgetting that I could even say she was emotional from the way her voice creaked.

"Even if you don't think he is there, it doesn't mean that is the reality. Whenever he is now, I am sure his love for you didn't disappear and never will. The memories are in your heart and that's where he belongs to." I said the words that came out from the bottom of my heart.

She turned around probably approving my new answer and thanking me with a big smile. She took some instants to think about my new reply and then after a brief consideration, her facial expression morphed into a cheerful one.

"He may not be here now but he will always be in my memories." She said aloud smiling proudly. She nodded with confidence, "yes. I will always love him and nothing will change that." 

She took a deep resigned breath and then she smiled, probably soaking up the reality and accepting it.

We hugged tightly and then she walked down to the bed, she walked around the room examining every corner.