Chapter 43 - Memories

I checked if Cameron's car was following me every few minutes and my heart pounded a bit more. The restaurant I was driving to was a restaurant I always used to go to with Carl, and the memories were occurring to my mind like a wuthering storm, leaving me with the image of me happy with a man that now didn't belong in my life anymore.

He always ordered a red wine and a chardonnay for special occasions to celebrate, shivers ran through my spine. I hated how some places inevitably reminded me of people, despite how hard you try to forget them.

I couldn't stop going to that restaurant because that would mean letting his memory be immaculate and giving him the power to influence my life that much.

To fully move on I had to start doing the things we did together alone and when I would finally do that without his memory occurring to my mind, just then I would be healed and moved on.

My vulnerability didn't make me weak, it was making me human, hence the pain I still felt in my chest was justified.

My stomach felt queasy and although I was hungry I knew that wasn't due to the anger. The sight of the restaurant made my mind fill up even more with memories and my heart almost aches in my chest. I parked and took some seconds to soak in the view, it was like I could still see us holding hands and talking just like a happy couple.

My emotions were still tethered to that place and I was aware of it, but I didn't expect to be hurt this much.

Cameron knocked on the window of my car seeing me paralyzed blank staring and growing paler.

He opened the door and with angst and concern, he leaned closer "are you okay?" He asked. I shook my head, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

"I… I used to come here with Carl too and…"

He immediately interrupted me, "do you want me to drive to another place, I understand." He touched my hand gently making me come back to reality and blink a few times. My vision turned vivid and I gathered my breath.

"Lily, please I can drive you home. I don't like seeing you like this."

He slouched forward to grab the bottle of water behind my seat and after opening it he made me drink.

He was so caring and I hated looking that vulnerable in front of him.

"It's fine." I managed to say, my voice piqued weak and creaky. I cleared my voice, "I can do it, I have to do it to move on."

He nodded, offering me a sincere proud smile which somehow made my heart double over and find his usual rhythm.

"I am here for you. Take your time." He whispered, then he walked into the car with me and closed the door.

He just sat there and we remained in silence for some minutes, I couldn't even say how many minutes, I took slow breathes, and only when my mind successfully drove away every image of Carl I finally walked down.

Cameron reached me, "you're ready?" He asked, still concerned and frowning to check on me.

I nodded, "yes."

After closing the door we began to walk to the entrance, more memories knocked on the door of my mind to beg access but I forced every negative emotion out and prohibited the access.

I couldn't leave Carl to ruin this moment and this amazing day.

I opened the door and asked for a table, the familiar waiter pointed at a table almost at the bottom of the room.

When I sat down both my heart and my mind gave me some peace and my smile turned more sincere.

I was so grateful for Cameron for having supported me, maybe without his help I would have driven away or I would have never found the courage to leave the car.

"I had a girlfriend when I was 14 years old, she was my first girlfriend and I liked her. We met in a park. But one day she broke up with me and I stopped to go to the park even if all my friends went there just because of her. Till one day when I missed that place too much so I decided to go there and put a 'Jennifer can't enter' sign. When she read it she grew red with anger and ran away, since then she stopped going there while I went there every hour of the day."

I laughed and shook my head, "you did that? That was cruel." I said, but the more I pictured the scene the more I laughed.

"Maybe you should put a no Carl allowed here sign out of the door."

"I could try that," I said, managing to gather back my breath.

He stroked my hair behind my hair and I turned serious when his gaze met mine, my heart practically speeded again. He caressed my cheek, I could feel his touch crawling under my skin and penetrating so much that I was dimmed in warmth and lust.

He leaned closer, his jaw tingling when I leaned forward, my gaze dropped to his lips provoking him a genuine urge to swallow and I unconsciously did the same.

His hand gripped over my hair and right when we are about to kiss, a way too familiar voice echoed in my ear.

"Lily?! What are you two doing here?"

My eyes slammed open and my heart turned upside down, that voice stroked me silent. I turned around slowly. Carl was there looking at me shocked and disappointed, his eyes practically bulged from his head. The vein on his neck pulsed and I recognized that reaction, he was furious.

His gaze drifted from Cameron to me a few times and then paused to disparage glance at me.

I never wanted to disappear as much as I wanted right now.