Chapter 111 - In Andrzej's Bedroom

"It's nothing" Dominik announced, not wanting to disturb the man he loved.

"Come here to me," the photographer pulled him towards him, and Dominik lost his balance. He fell right into his hot, strong arms. "Do you want me to turn on the light?"

While it was a shame to admit that a grown man was a little afraid of the dark, Dominik nodded shyly.

"Only a bedside lamp," he asked. Thanks to this, he will be able to see Andrzej's facial features.

Nowicki made the room glow with a faint yellow-orange glow with one move.

"I said you don't have to sleep alone," Andrzej reproached him, covering him with a duvet and pressing him tightly against him.

"I have to. I am too weak, too little independent. All I can do is worry those I love. "

"Nonsense" muttered indignant Nowicki, gently caressing his hair. "Everyone needs a second person sometimes. We are a gregarious species after all."

"Yeah, but… I don't want to be a victim all the time. I do not want to naively allow myself to be exploited."

"So I am using you?"

"No!" Dominik did not understand how Andrzej could even think that way. "You the only one in my life, you never wanted anything from me!"

"It's not true."

"No?"

"I want you to let me be with you in everything. Especially in pain. I want you to trust me."

"I trust you! I only trust you, but… I'm afraid I'll get addicted to you like used to be addicted to Marek. I need to be more independent."

"You are," Andrzej assured him emphatically. "After what you've been through, everyone would have nightmares. Me too. I understand that you want to be strong and independent, but are you sure you've chosen the right time for it? You're not doing it too fast, too suddenly? You should first gather strength and deal with that, and I want to be with you at this time. Therefore, do not turn me down when you suffer. You know that I will always take you into my arms."

"I know."

It was true. Since Andrzej admitted to himself and Dominik (as it turned out also to Marczak) that he loved him, something changed in him. It is as if the last barrier of his resistance has been broken. Now he hugged the actor in his arms without embarrassment, conveying so much love and warmth to him that Śliwiński almost cried with happiness. His dream finally came true and Andrzej belonged to him, but the fulfillment of the dream was not that wonderful.

It's not that something was wrong with Nowicki. He was completely flawless, the problem was Dominik himself. The memories of the days he had been held in his head were too tight. Even the abrasions on his hands did not fully heal, leaving marks. And yet everything was supposed to be different. Everything was supposed to be like in a fairy tale. Meanwhile, the demon came and ...

Dominik remembered how stressed and exhausted Andrzej was when he saw him after all these days. He realized how much he had grown into the life of this wonderful man, and although he was touched and happy that someone loved him so much, he could not bear the thought that Nowicki was suffering so much. If Dominik had been stronger then, he would not have become a victim of Werner so easily and he would not have worried Andrzej. Therefore, now he had to do everything to become stronger physically and mentally. He cannot rely on Nowicki constantly, because that will not do any good to any of them.

Andrzej stroked his head with extraordinary tenderness. He was way too understanding for him, too good. Dominik felt guilty about it.

"Why didn't you ask for anything?" he said in a broken voice. "Why don't you ask who did this to me?"

"Because I know," Andrzej replied softly, tenderly.

"What do you know?"

"I know everything. We got him while you were in the hospital, me and my friend, the one from the cabin. The fucker confessed to everything."

"Yes?" Dominik asked fearfully. "So you know ... what he was doing with me?"

"I know that you have been as relentless as a bull, that despite all the efforts you have never come."

Dominik hid his face in the pillow. He felt embarrassed hearing these words from Andrzej's mouth. Werner called what he was doing to him an endearment. Under normal circumstances it would have been caresses, but it was not normal, and Dominik could have put it all in one word - torture. Fortunately, in his twisted mind, Werner was such a perfect miracle that he didn't even pay close attention to what he was doing, and the reluctance and disgust with which Dominik treated him made him increasingly clumsy.

"No, I would not blame you if you came, after all you are just a guy and the body can react to stimuli, but if all these toys didn't make ..."

"Shut up," asked Dominik despairingly. He was so embarrassed!

"Why? Ah, sorry, I didn't think I was bringing back bad memories ..."

"No, that's not the point. But it's… embarrassing," Śliwiński explained with difficulty. How could he talk to Andrzej about the fact that when they were together another man... Dominik had to change the subject, so he asked a question that bothered him a lot. "What did you do with him?"

"Nothing," sighed Andrzej. "He looked so shabby that I hardly recognized him and decided that there was no point in doing anything. He looked like a living dead. But just say one word and Werner will end up with the police. Or in the Vistula."

"No!" Dominik objected. The mere thought that the matter might become known to the public was terrible. Suddenly, the last part of Andrzej's speech reached him. "How is it 'in the Vistula'?!" He asked.

"You're right, it's a shame about this beautiful river, such rubbish."

"It's not that ... You're kidding me!" Dominik was indignant.

"Just a little," admitted Nowicki. "If you wanted to, I would have killed him, but you are too good to want revenge. But the police ... "

"No. I don't want media coverage. And he ... I think the most painful thing for him was that he couldn't satisfy me," said Dominik a bit proudly, but blushing up to his ears.

"This makes me unique on a global scale" Andrzej kissed his hair causing a pleasant shiver in Śliwiński.

Only he, Dominik thought, only his closeness and touch can make my body come alive. My Andrzej.

He moved closer to Nowicki and kissed him on the lips. He wanted to blend into him completely, to merge into one being that no one would ever be able to separate into two again.

"I love you" he heard the most wonderful words in the world and felt Andrzej's knee pressing between his thighs.

Dominik suddenly froze.

Andrzej's movement was not intrusive, yet it caused an unpleasant white emptiness in Śliwiński's mind. It's not that Nowicki's touch was unpleasant, on the contrary, but the actor's body stiffened.

"Take it easy" he heard a dear, sweet voice and felt Andrzej withdraw his knee. "Everything at your own pace."

"Forgive me…"

"Don't you dare to apologize to me. The relationship is not all about sex."

"But…"

Nowicki slowly shook his head.

"There is not any 'but'. I love you. I love you exactly as you are and we really don't have to keep making love like cats in March."

Śliwiński felt tears in his eyes. He knew about it, he knew that Andrzej finally reciprocated his feeling that he had done everything to make Dominik feel safe and good with him, the more he was tormented by the thought that since the abduction he had problems with physical rapprochement. It is true that they had sex twice since then, and they both received fulfillment, but at some point something knocked in Dominik's head as if it were some kind of a latch and the actor suddenly froze. Sometimes it happened during caresses and then it ended with caresses, sometimes only after intercourse, but often as soon as he realized that they would make love to each other.

The latter was more and more frequent.

And that was one of the main reasons Dominik didn't want Andrzej in his bed. He felt ashamed that despite the closeness of his beloved man, he was increasingly frightened by the thought of sex. He had seduced him, he made him fell in love with Dominik, and now he was unable to satisfy him.

"I should get back to myself ..." Śliwiński tried to get up.

"Stay, please," he felt Andrzej's hand on his wrist.

"Leave it!" Dominik broke free, causing surprise in his lover's eyes, but Dominik himself was terrified by his violent reaction. "I'm sorry!"

He couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear the thought that the touch of the man he loved made him react like that. He ran to his room.

Andrzej did not follow him. He didn't even shout behind him.

'Why is this happening? Why do I reject the one I love? 'Dominik desperately threw himself on the bed.