117 To Move Forward

I awoke from my slumber with heavy bags under my eyes and a heavier feeling weighing down on my heart. I shuffled out of bed in slow steps towards a makeshift mirror and sat quietly for a moment. I finally remembered I was not sure how to look after the long length of my hair and no one would be there to help me.

Frustrated I went to reach for a pair of scissors.

A hand gently grabbed my shoulder and placed me back down. Much to my surprise my brush had been grabbed and my hair tangled from months of neglect had began to be brushed. It hurt a little as they grabbed a small section from the bottom of my wild red hair.

A quite scraping noise was heard and I closed my eyes ignoring the discomfort.

" Thank you for your help." I said quietly.

" You had been asleep a long time, I had come to check up on you" Loki said in a calm tone.

I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled focusing on my breath. My lack of any real sleep had made my eyelids feel like lead weights. I focused on my lungs as they expanded and contracted. I cleared my mind of any thoughts and leaned back on the warm body behind me.

" I feel like crap." I said quietly.

As Loki's arms wrapped around me. He grabbed a length of hair that was tangled near my ear.

" You look like crap too!" Loki said teasingly.

I chuckled gently and Loki followed not far behind with a laugh.

The room had then become filled with the quiet motions of Loki brushing my hair and the sound of a beating heart from the body that I was leaning on. My breathing at this time had become steady. Loki's heartbeat was quiet but strong acting as a metronome to each breath I took.

Since Loki and I had spoken last night something had changed between us and an unspoken closeness had formed. Perhaps it was because we were both missing people we would never see again. Maybe it was because we held our wounds and insecurities out like meals to be consumed and seeked to be understood.

Heck it could have even been because in our own way we were trying to better ourselves but felt like we were failing.

I didn't dare analyse it. I didn't want to ruin this moment. I was calm, tired but happy. I wanted to take that tiny flame of happiness from this quite exchange and press it into my bones lest I forget myself.

" What I said last night" I said as Loki finished the section he was working on and grabbed another piece of hair.

" No.. I was out of line" Loki said after I had broken off my sentence.

" I guess we are both pretty bad at this." I said slightly amused.

" Should I.." I said to Loki.

" Probably" Loki said as he finished my hair.

" Can you do me one more favor?" I said to the bronze reflection in the mirror.

" Anything" Loki said with a nod.

I moved my head from his body and grabbed the scissors before placing them gently in his hands.

" Are you sure?" Loki said with an eyebrow raise.

I merely nodded in response with a gentle expression on my face.

Snip.

Snip, Clip.

Snip, Snip, Clip.

Pieces of my long hair red hair fell to the floor. Each snip of the scissors felt freeing. I was becoming a new person. From my middle back my hair began to shorten until it had become short enough to spike. The front of my hair was still rather long a cut that I was very happy with.

" What do you think?" Loki said nervously.

" It's perfect" I said before grinning.

" I think it's time, could you gather everyone while I dress?" I said as I brushed my shoulders off.

Loki nodded giving me a perfect Tama bow " Your wish… is my command Yuki Akiyo"

" Thank you Loki" I said bowing back.

We both looked at each other and smirked before he turned to leave.

I walked back to my bed and woke the snoring Kibbles. I picked him up and placed his head on my shoulder before walking to where my clothing was.

" Yuki" Kibbles said groggily before nuzzling into my neck.

" Good morning sleepy head!" I responded to Kibbles as I held him tighter.

" What colour to should I wear today?" I said out loud.

" Black has always been a fine colour on you" A voice said from behind me.

[ It seems some people have arrived quicker than anticipated ]

" My apologies I saw Loki leave and I.." Heyu said before pausing.

I turned my head to see Heyu staring at my hair.

" Do you like it?" I said to the guard who was stunned in front of me.

Heyu chanted a few words as he mixed some clay and formed what I could only assume where cleaning golems. They rushed up to my hair that was on the ground and began to clean it all up.

Heyu hadn't stopped looking at me as they cleaned and after a little while he nodded a streak of red crossing over his face. It wasn't long before Heyu had coughed clearing his throat and left.

" I will tell the others to wait down stairs." Heyu called out to me as he made his way out.

[ That.. was strange ]

" Thank you." I responded.

Looking through my clothing I had found the piece that Riku and Setsu's mother had made me. Stopping on it before gently feeling the fabric.

" That one!" Kibbles said with a smile.

" Mm this one" I responded in agreement.

I slowly removed the layers that I had slept in leaving them to drape on the floor abandoned like old rags as I placed the Kithun stitched black cloth over my skin. It felt a little smaller then when I had first worn it.

I inspected my body amazed by how my muscle I had put on from training. I was still slim but at least from what I could see my body had become a lot more defined. I couldn't help but notice the amount of scars that I had collected on my chest from being attacked. I traced a small on that Sora had left me in deep thought.

[ I wonder what they will all decide to do..]

In the end I could at least give them the decision to make up then own minds. They had followed me into hell and back it was the least I could do.

I fixed my clothing up with a little struggled and brushed off the creases before nodding to myself. In slow steps with a deep breath I made my way down stairs Kibbles once again resting on me.

On the final step I faulted a little as I saw the faces of everyone I knew. Sora who was sitting on the ground holding his feet in his hands. Loki who was making tea with my mother, Heyu who was fixing the ornaments on my table so they were in perfect positions and finally Nathan who was next to Heyu watching him and wondering what he was doing.

" Thank you all for coming." I said with a clear voice.

Everyone but mother had stopped what they were doing and looked at me. Sweat wanted to pool in my hands but Kibbles warm body against my chest was calming me.

My mother hand handed out tea to everyone before finally going to me and offering me a cup. I took it with a smile and hoped it would not be the last time she spoke to me.

I took the tea and sat on the steps calmly. My mother walked up to the table that Nathan and Heyu were on before she too took a seat.

" I have a few things to say to you all. Since you have followed me here I think you all deserve this much from me" I said casually.

Some people in the room tilted their heads confused, others had frowned and only Loki was looked at me for a moment before he nodded.

Kibbles jumped from my arms and walked over next to Sora before sitting down. It seemed even Kibbles knew how serious I was right now. The confused looks had subsided and my shoulders slumped a little.

" I have a story to tell you all about a young boy who was forced into an arranged marriage" I said quietly.

My mother seemed to hold her breath and she covered her mouth.

" Whether you hate me or not after you hear this story will be up to you. I will not stop anyone from leaving either" I said as I looked at the floor.

[ This was going to be a long conversation.]

" You can do this Yuki" Kibbles said to me telepathically.

[ Thanks Kibbles ]