Chapter 32

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“…Do you remember Cordelia?”

“Who’s that?”

Devan looked puzzled. I smiled bitterly as I thought of the oath I had secretly sworn to Cordelia.

Even if I take everything else, I swear that I will give her as much as Devan, the main character of this novel, to her.

And yet, he couldn’t even remember her name.

“It’s okay if you can’t remember…..”

Devan’s brow wrinkled, but he finally seemed to remember.

“You mean that girl. The sick girl who was in the temple?”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Why that girl? Don’t tell me you feel pity for her?”

“I guess it’s more like guilt than pity. “

“Why?”

“It might be my fault that she’s sick. No, it’s my fault.”

Because if I hadn’t even twisted the original story, she would have escaped the temple by now and be living happily ever after with Devan. When I ran away from the Grand Duchy, I had the easy idea that somehow Devan and Cordelia would meet.

They really were doomed by the prophecy. They were also the protagonists of the original story that somehow had to be connected.

But in the end, they still hadn’t met. I was responsible for that.

“I feel guilty.”

Devan gave a small laugh.

I looked at him with a strange look on my face.

“Someone told me. Hating yourself will only consume you. It won’t help you, so get rid of those feelings and look for a solution instead.”

“…Who?”

Instead of answering, he leaned closer to me.

I flinched back at the sudden closeness of his face.

“It’s these eyes.”

A black shape flickered in his right eye, but it wasn’t the one he was pointing at.

“When I was only ten years old, I was cursed. I slept for a night and woke up blind. It was for that bloody qualification test that was held to select the successor.”

That was what he said, but just by hearing his voice or looking at expression, he didn’t seem to be angry or depressed at the fact.

“At first I resented my brother. What if he hadn’t had the sign, no, what if he hadn’t been born first, and so I had been the only heir to the throne. I had that thought.”

His voice trailed off.

I could tell easily that he was bringing up a difficult story.

“After that I hated the country and the system. Why does such a qualification exam exist, then it was the temple, the priests, then it was God. —Who do you think I resented in the end?”

“Yourself…?”

“Yes.”

Devan’s gaze turned to the window.

His eyes reflected the fast passing scenery.

His emotions were swirling.

“Do you regret it?”

“No, I don’t regret it.”

“You don’t?”

“I’m still hating myself. My existence, my birth, even my terrible fate.”

I bit my lips.

I couldn’t get the words out, as if it was caught in my throat.

It was the same thought I had every night.

Why was I born with immense divine power, why did I remember my previous life, why did I have to sacrifice Cordelia and cheat Devan to survive?

My existence, my birth, my terrible fate….

I was constantly hating myself, and I was the same way.

“So—.”

Taking his eyes off the window, he looked at me this time.

“I know what it’s like to hate yourself………”

Devan’s eyelashes quivered.

He smiled bitterly, frowning as if he couldn’t help it.

“I can’t tell you not to do it, but just do it in moderation. It’s as much as you can bear.”

Finishing his story, he dropped his gaze again on the papers in his lap as if he was signaling me not to talk to him this time. I just stared at him in silence.

I wondered if he regretted saying this much.

He must have lived through unimaginable pain and suffering.

Moderately, only as much as you can afford.

The more I thought about it, the more my heart thumped.

Anger? Sadness? No, this was frustration.

The birth, the existence, the terrible fate… it wasn’t what we all wanted or deserved. It wasn’t our fault.

Devan was right.

We didn’t need to hate and gnaw at ourselves. We had to let go of any feelings of remorse and instead find a solution.

Our resentment had to be directed outward, not in.

***

The carriage ride was boring. The pleasure of admiring the scenery was fleeting.

I dozed at the window, reading the useless books the wizards had given me, and glanced at Devan’s papers.

“Stay still.”

He couldn’t stand it so he said a few words.

It was almost the tenth hour in the carriage alone.

So far, Devan had only examined the documents without raising his head. It wasn’t me who was strange, it was him.

I said, turning my sore neck.

“I thought you said we’d sleep in the village?”

“Yes. We’ll be there soon.”

He glanced at the window.

I hurried to look out the window, but all I could see were still trees and sky.

“Soon is….”

“Well, one more hour.”

An hour. There was no doubt that Devan had a problem with his sense of time.

I sighed inaudibly and started looking out the window in a daze.

I couldn’t complain since I was the one who suggested we go to the capital.

But, what should we do when we get there?

The first thought that came to my mind was a social event.

The reason why Count Diego held a social meeting once a week was because of the relative proximity of the Count’s residence to the capital.

If I go to the capital, will I have to do that tiring thing again? My body sank completely.

Wear a tight dress, tell boring stories, and put on an ill fitting aristocratic facade.

But now that I was the Grand Duchess, I couldn’t just stay in the castle.

Anyway, Devan was a member of the royal family, so I didn’t know if I could visit the Imperial Palace as well.

The Imperial Palace.

Just hearing the name doubled the discomfort. My mind drifted back to the dark battles I had seen in the palace.

I spoke to Devan in a small voice.

“What the difference is between the Imperial Court and the social scene. It’s different, right?”

Devan’s eyebrows went up.

He shook his head, not taking his eyes off the papers.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Weren’t you supposed to go to the capital to get information on the temple and black magic?”

“It’s true, of course, but we can’t overlook the external image.”

Devan burst into laughter.

“Do you think I have an external image? Me, cursed and fallen to the ends of the empire?”

Hearing that, I thought so again. I couldn’t imagine Devan laughing and talking to someone at a social gathering.

“But it’s said that true information comes and goes at social gatherings. It’s also a way to learn about the temple and black magic………..”

Yes, of course I had to attend. I came to the conclusion on my own. I nodded my head and Devan shook his head with an absurd look.

What did I do at the social gathering?

I forced my mouth to rise as I looked out the window. Despite my stiff feelings, I was able to smile quite naturally.

It wasn’t like I had a social gathering at the Count’s residence for a day or two, so whether I liked it or not, I would have already mastered it.

“Phew.”

I sighed lowly and watched the trees pass by in a daze.

Hmm?

There was something in between them.

It was too fast for me to see, but something definitely moved.

What was it?

I opened my eyes wide.

My body reacted first, before I could properly grasp what was going on.

“Devan!”

I shouted, hugging the Devan opposite me and lowering my body.

Bang!

At the same time, the top of the carriage dented lightly, like a wooden plank.

I looked around quickly.

“What is going on?”

Devan seemed to be in the same state of panic. He hurried out of his seat.

“I saw something at the window. It attacked us. We have to get out quickly.”

As I spoke sluggishly, Devan sat back down and tried to open the door.

But the door, which had twisted on its own, was not going to open easily.

At that moment, bang!

More roars could be heard, and the ceiling of the carriage dented further down. I couldn’t even look up anymore.

“…D*mn it.”

Devan let out a low swear and slammed the door with his foot.

The alloy door began to move, distorting little by little.

I, by the way, was struggling with how to help him. And I just managed to find a curtain rod that had fallen due to the broken ceiling.

It would be easier to push it through the doorway, right?

It was just when I crawled toward the door with that thought.

“Arghhhhh!”

Curiosity was my sin.

I should have just looked at the floor, but I glanced up and my eyes met with eyes the size of my face.

It was staring at us through the window as if it were observing us.

“Come here.”

Devan grabbed me from behind.

In the meantime, I held the curtain rod shakily, handed it to him and said in a trembling voice.

“Is it a demon?”

“It’s a demon. What else could do this?”

Devan tucked the curtain rod through the door gap.

Then he hit it with his foot a few times, and the door eventually fell off.

“Hurry up.”

He nodded as if to say leave first.

I shivered and finally stepped out of the carriage.

As soon as I touched the floor, my legs lost their strength and I stumbled.

I barely held the tree in front of me and balanced my body. Then, as soon as I hurriedly looked around, my whole body hardened.

“Ha.”

Before I knew it, Devan, who was standing in front of me, gave a self-mocking laugh and pulled out the sword at his waist.

I swallowed hard.

Surrounding us was a demon the size of a house. It had bumpy

green skin.

Its arms hung down to its knees, and It had a total of five unusually large eyes all over its body.

It gave me goosebumps to think that the eyes I had just encountered were hanging from its legs.

Devan laughed in vain and said.

“I don’t think it’s going to end anytime soon.”

I turned my head from side to side. Everywhere I looked was filled with demons.

The demons that surrounded us were……………there were eight.