Chapter 47

The Fifth Plan: To Protect the Child (4)

The smell of winter that day when the embers of Merilyn’s life were gradually extinguishing that seemed to have come out from somewhere, when the fire in that fireplace was hot even though it was still winter. Would I be able to live or even raise a healthy child? Such a fear eventually crept out of nowhere and bound me to it. What would happen to Carl if I were to just go away like that—like Merilyn? Merilyn as well as my child, would another woman be able to love and raise our pretty Carl too? Could she love Carl like I did? What about my own child who would grow up to be a naughty boy as well? What if there were to be another girl just like Agatha? What if a stepmother just like the original Amanda turned up instead?

Carl’s little hand slowly touched my face.

“Mandy—”

“Yes, Carl.”

I held Carl’s hand as I brushed away his eyes that were bursting with tears. Carl’s hands were all soft and plump. Carl had his lips pouted out and his green eyes became filled with tears that seemed could fall at any moment now. My heart instantly twinged and ached at the look on Carl’s face as though my sadness had already been transmitted.

“Carl, Mandy is totally fine. I’ll get well soon—right in no time.”

“Mandy—”

Now that he had grown quite a lot, I immediately sneaked away the tears with my fingertips without the child knowing while still holding onto Carl in my arms. Since my body had turned weak, my mind became weak as well. But I just couldn’t collapse like this all because there was a baby crying simply at the sight of my own sad face.

Gellerhard suddenly came to mind when I gave Carl a hug. I missed him dearly as he was still fighting on the battlefield at the border. I wanted to see the man who would hold Carl in one hand while embracing my body affectionately with his other arm before he would grow panicked just because he didn’t know how to wipe tears away.

As I swallowed back my longing, I patted Carl on the back before holding in my tears and pushed him inside. This was not the time to cry at all.

“Would you like to eat with Mandy, Carl?”

“Yes.”

I didn’t feel like eating something, but since I felt somehow energized, I tried to cheer up a bit more. If I didn’t eat because of my morning sickness or if I didn’t have an appetite, I’d only get weaker instead. Carl clasped his hair tightly as he fiddled with my messy hair as he lay down. The maid who noticed me eventually proceeded to approach me.

“Please prepare a meal for me to dine with Carl and bring some water for me to wash my face. Oh, also, prepare some clothes for a change.”

Right at my words, the maids immediately moved in perfect order. With the help and care of the maids, I washed my face again with my hands and equipped myself with some easy set clothings. Then, I also put on my grandmother’s necklace, which I had received from my mother after a very long time. If the mysterious ability of this necklace really existed, I hope that it would eventually give me enough strength to give birth to this child safely and even if it never did, it would still give me some kind of a little mental support. There was no dramatic change in wearing that light blue jewelry, but I felt a little relieved since it appeared like I was already prepared for something.

The soft, easy foods had been put on a tray before they were placed in front of Carl. I was quite full, so I couldn’t have Carl on my lap like before, but we still sat side by side and shared a bite of those ripe vegetables as well as the moist stew. After brushing Carl’s teeth for the first time in a while, I eventually went outside just for a moment and walked under the afternoon sun. I could feel that my body’s condition was actually feeling much better than I had thought.

Carl kept holding on to my skirt before he started running around me as if he was fond of me for the first time in a while and ran out without overcoming the temptation of his barking dog under the warm sun. Both the dog and Carl had been running around as if they were playing catch together before the other children came out one by one and started running around as well.

“Please prepare something cool to drink in advance.”

“Yes, Madam.”

“Hoo, bring some chairs as well. It’s getting a bit tough now.”

I thought that I’d just return to the room, but I still wanted to keep on looking at Carl running around freely for the first time in a while. So, I finally decided to sit under the shadow while watching Carl, who kept on looking back at me as he played along with his friends. The servants eventually brought out a fairly large chair and the maids filled the seat with some fluffy cushions and pillows. I plopped down in the chair and one of the maids proceeded to bring me a drink. I shook my head since I was not feeling thirsty otherwise and she immediately placed the glass of drink on the armrest of my chair appropriately. I was worried that it would become a source of distraction, but as I smiled and waved at Carl, who called out my name loudly; ‘Mandy!’—the drink straight away moved away from my mind.