Chapter Forty-four

Rose

My eyes remain on his grave; having no more tears to cry for crying too much for the past few days. I can't help but keep on remembering us even though it's fainting but the memories are supposed to be cherished. No matter what happens.

I know that Elia has been standing a few feet away from me since the very beginning and I know that he has been watching me staring at his brother's grave for the past fifteen minutes—not bothered to stop.

''Remember that I love you,'' His words.

They keep on replaying in my mind; somehow making me realise how Elis has always been an important person in my life—it took me awhile to realise that but yes, without him, I wouldn't be here at all.

I turn around, my head held high not even sparing a second glance at Elia but I hear him following behind me; yet, I successfully ignore him. For some reason, I don't feel like talking to him and I don't feel like wanting to ever talk to him. We don't have to communicate anymore.

''Rose, talk to me.'' He says, stopping me.

After breathing in, I turn to look at him, his eyes are looking straight into mine. ''What more do you want? You know what, Elia? You win. If that was your way on getting rid of your brother—fine, you win.'' I say.

He furrow his eyebrows, ''What are you saying?''

''That I killed my own brother? Just so that it will make things easier? What is wrong with you, Rose?He took the bullet for you,'' He continues to speak as I eye him; only listening.

''It doesn't matter. You're the cause of this. It's your fault that he's dead. Thanks to you,'' I mutter before turning around and heading down the road, wanting to leave the cemetery.

Elia keeps on following behind me as he grabs onto my forearm, making me turn to face him once more, ''You know how much I love you but I wouldn't go that far. I would never ruin my family,'' He says, ''I don't know who the killer was and I intend to find out. I'll get him killed—that'll be the end of it,'' He adds.

''No. You told me you stopped. You left it all behind because you don't want anything to do with it but why are you going to go and end someone's life? Just, cut if off, okay? Don't be the cause of your own death,'' I mutter and this time, I immediately walk down the road before entering Elliot's car; making him enter the car afterwards. I don't bother to look at Elia, truth be told, I just needed someone to blame.

Elliot drives down the road after glancing at me.

Fiore asked Elliot to give me a ride home; she said I needed it most and that she could ride with her sister. Elis's death brings such sorrow to the whole family because they know how he's a wonderful man.

''Are you okay?'' He asks, softly.

''No,'' I mutter under my breath.

Within seconds, he starts to clear his throat as we stop at the traffic lights; feeling him glancing towards my direction for a few seconds, ''Will you be alright staying in the apartment all by yourself? Mother said it would be nice to have you in her house; until you fully recover,'' He speaks, watching his tone.

Fully recover? I don't think I'll be able to fully recover. I've had so many lost ever since I've met the Morellos. Lost the first love of my life and now I've lost the last love of my life—the thing is that, he won't be back.

''I'll be fine. Don't worry about me,'' I smile at him.

He continues to look at me for a few seconds before smiling back; something tells me that he knows how my smile is as fake as shit. My eyes wander out to the street of New York—this place, never once I thought that there would be many bittersweet memories in one place.

Once we've arrived at my apartment—the same exact apartment that Elis and I shared our lives together. I know that I'm not strong enough to be in here all by myself but I want to always know and feel that he's here with me; even though he will never be again.

''Take care, Elliot. Thank you for the ride,'' I say.

''Take care, Rose. Call me if you need anything. I'll be there for you in like five seconds,'' He jokes a little and I respond back with a small smile; knowing that he's trying to cheer me up a little bit.

I step out of the car, making my way towards the front door; unlocking it before pushing it open. As soon as I step inside, I feel myself looking around—somehow, every single spot in this house reminds me so much of him that it would start killing me.

After closing the door behind me, I start to walk towards the living room, eyeing the sofa; another memory come rushing in. My eyes blinking a few times, trying to get rid of the tears but they keep on coming. Nonstop.

''You're just saying that because you want to make me feel better about myself,'' I chuckle as he smiles widely, shaking his head in disagreement. I'm currently laying on his lap as we're on the sofa in our living room, letting him play with my hair; making me feel special.

''You're always beautiful. I don't have to say it,''

He replies, smiling down at me.

''Oh yeah? Prove it,''

To my surprise, he starts to run his index finger on the bridge of my nose before stopping at my lips, ''Your smile would lighten up my day,'' Then, he continues to pinch my left cheek, causing me to chuckle again, ''Your cheeks flushes red when I compliment you,'' He moves up to my nose, pinching the tip of it—almost leaving me red.

I cut him off, ''That's not prove.''

''Like I said, I don't have to say it. You are and always be beautiful. Inside out. So, don't ever feel like you're nothing because you're everything to me.'' He leans in before brushing his lips on mine, leaving me smiling and leaning forward to kiss him back; sparks flowing.

I place a hand on my chest; feeling myself falling onto the ground, crying out the exact amount of pain and sadness—my body, soul and heart aren't able to keep it up. They continue to clench in pain, only leaving me remembering every single part of him.

''Why did you leave me?'' I mutter under my breath.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks due to the emotions that I'm feeling. I continue to look down onto the ground, letting myself look weak because I love him so much that it's hurting me deeply. My body shakes as I roughly push the picture frames in front of me; as they shattered into pieces.

I look at pictures of me and Elis.

We were happy.

I look at them; seeing that Elis were busy looking at me in most of the pictures but I've never come to realise it before. The way he looked at me—showed how his eyes held adoration, admiration and love. My heart continues to aches at the picture of us kissing each other.

A year with him felt like an eternity of happiness. He has never once fail to make me feel confident about myself and he has never once fail to make me start to love myself even though I was on the edge of dying, killing myself but he brought me up with all the strength he had.

I eye the kitchen counter.

All of a sudden, I find him placing his hands on my waist and slowly sending me an unknown feeling down my spine; a feeling that I've once felt. Yup.

Just as our lips are inches apart.

My heart beats at a steady pace as I tilt my head for a better access to his lips before he starts to deepen the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist and placing me on the kitchen counter—letting me wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

There are no space in between our bodies and for some reason, it seems like we've been craving this. We've been trying to reject our emotions and lust towards each other; unfortunately, it leads us here.

My body weakens seconds after he starts to pull my body closer by the waist, immediately making me lean forward towards him—disrupting my breathing. I moan slightly through the kiss as he kisses down my neck before groaning at the sound of my voice.

I cup onto his face, pulling his lips towards mine again, letting us kiss; this time our kiss seems a lot more sweet and passionate instead of rushed or forced. For once, everything slips off my mind.

As I force myself to stand up, I start to make my way towards my painting room. I turn on the light, seeing my paintings left untouched near the wall—before remembering him.

Within seconds, I run the paint brush on his cheek and his face is now smeared with a light blue painting which causes his eyes to open wide.

''Oh, I see it now.'' He chuckles.

My eyes widen at the sight of him dipping the brush into one of the paints, causing me to immediately take a few steps away from as I laugh out loud while he closes the distance between us; attacking me with the brush—my screams filling the room.

''No! Get away,'' I laugh out loud but he manage to catch me by the waist before pulling my body close towards his. When I lean my body back, he runs the brush on my nose and to the side of my face, leaving me grabbing onto his shoulders.

Elis laughs at the sight he sees as he dips the brush once more and running after me. I take my brush and start running it behind his neck and near his ear, causing him to react differently due to being ticklish. When I realise that I've hit his spot, I start to laugh.

Without us realising, we're busy attacking each other with paints; almost covering our faces and our clothes. The right side of his face is covered with different colours of paint, only making him look a little bit like a piece of art. My piece of art.

I let out a loud piercing scream as I trip onto one of my own paints which causes my eyes to remain shut, preparing myself to hit the ground. Surprisingly, I don't feel a single thing except for someone's hands on both side of my waist; holding me from falling.

As I open my eyes, I see myself looking directly into Elis's brown eyes; we're extremely close to each other and if we dare to move any further, we might end up kissing. I have to admit that, we've been trying to avoid any situations like this but we fail miserably. Both of his hands are wrapped around my waist, supporting me so that I won't fall and hit the ground.

Without me realising, I am already leaning my head against the wall; thinking of what could happen if we weren't there. If only I hadn't let him take the bullet—if only I had seen myself getting shot so I can actually push him away. The bullet was for me, he would still be alive if it weren't for me.

As I turn left to look at the dining room, my lips curve up into a smile when I see myself hugging Elis from behind when he was on his laptop. I pecked onto his neck, caused him to smile widely before he started to turn in order to look at me and kissed me on the lips.

''You deserve someone better,'' I mutter.

''Who? I don't see anyone but you.''

Images of him, his brown eyes; the way they would look at me, he will always be the best part of my life. From now on, I can never forget him—I will never forget. He will own my heart, no matter what the circumstances.

Just like that, I turn off the lights before stepping out of the room; leaving memories of us behind. He wouldn't want me to be on the ground, crying my heart out just because I lost him—he was the one who made me want to be strong just so that I can move on. He would want to see me happy.

It has only been a couple of weeks since that day, I have already started painting; wanting to release my emotions so that it wouldn't be trapped inside of me. My hand is moving smoothly on the canvas, sketching slowly—even if it might take me awhile, I want this art to be perfect.

All of a sudden, the doorbell starts to ring.

With a sigh, I place the pencil down before making my way towards the front door; pulling the door open to see Elliot and Fiore smiling at me—but Elliot's smile seems a little bit different, he seems a little bit cheerful today in which I reply back with a smile.

''Come on in,'' I say.

Elliot enters the apartment, heading towards the living room while Fiore pulls me in for a hug; almost breaking my heart again. The way she hugs me proves me enough that she understands me most. I look at her—realising that she had lost her husband and her son. She's stronger than me.

The three of us are busy talking in the living room, agreeing with Elliot that his mother can cook. Fiore laughs at her son's behaviour; and it makes me smile to see them growing stronger every single day even after the whole pain that they've been through. They don't even blame one another.

They accept.

''Eh, this is for you.'' Elliot says after picking up a letter from underneath the door, making me turn to look at him holding onto a white envelope. He walks towards me, handing me the letter before making his way towards the kitchen—meeting his mother as they continue to talk in Italian.

I furrow my eyebrows at the letter; seeing my name at the front.

Rosalyn.

Slowly, I start to open the envelope, taking the letter out—realising that I've seen this handwriting before in the past which immediately make me realise that this letter is from Elia.

Rose, mio amore,

How are you? It must be stupid of me to ask but I really hope that you're doing well. If you're still reading this, I'm probably looking at you. As creepy as that sounds, it's actually the truth. There's a lot that I want to tell you but first of all, I want to say sorry for all that I've done. I've caused you so much pain since the very beginning and I'm sorry. Forgive me?

The next important thing is that, I want to say how much I still love you. It doesn't matter if you don't feel the same towards me anymore but I'll always be here, somewhere, loving you. Don't worry, I won't be anywhere near you to cause you anymore pain. Your love is so pure and sincere, Rose. You absolutely deserve my brother and he deserves you just as much. It pains me to lose him and I know it hurts you more than it hurts me.

Please, don't hate me. All I ever did was for your own good. Leaving you was for your safety. If I was as selfish as I used to be, I wouldn't have let you go. Believe me. I don't know why but when it comes to you, I just want what's best. If the best thing for you is to lose you, then I rather lose you. Then again, when we weren't together, you were always on my mind. Night and day. Twenty-four seven. I hope I was in your mind too. At least once.

Please, take good care of yourself. I won't be there to watch you or know what you're doing anymore. I've asked my men to back away so that you can actually have a life of your own. Yes, for the past year, I've been stalking you and keeping an eye on you. Like I said, for your own safety but truth be told, it was because I missed you.

Please, love yourself. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because you are beautiful. You are and always will be my wife even though we weren't able to complete our vows but one day, if you and I are meant to be, will you give me the chance to be your husband? Your lover? Your friend?

Last but not least, I want you to know that I'll be leaving New York City. I'm not telling you where I'll be going but I'm going. Quite far from here. I need to find peace, for my own good. After losing so much, I don't know if I'm able to handle it anymore so I want to be able to ease my mind. If you're worried about my safety, then don't, I've settled everything with my gang members and my enemies if that's what you're worried about. They won't be able to bother me anymore. Don't ask me how.

I'll be missing you.

Yours,

Elia

I immediately put the letter down before running towards the front door, opening it and looking around; wanting to at least catch a glimpse of him but he's nowhere to be found. Slowly, I start to fold the letter nicely as I sit on stairs—realising how maybe this is the best.

''Rose, is everything okay?''

I turn to see Fiore standing near the door, eyeing me. With a smile, I turn to look at her, standing up and heading towards her, ''Everything is okay. How's the cooking going?'' I ask and she chuckles.

''You see, Elliot ruined it.'' She replies.

We enter the apartment, closing the door behind us as I laugh; blaming it all on Elliot for ruining the dish. He continues to deny it but by the look on his face, it shows how he's a terrible liar. Fiore won't stop muttering words in Italian that would leave Elliot to understand everything while I just stand and watch them with a smile on my face.

''You better not learn Italian,'' He says.

Maybe I will learn.