Chapter 196: This child is so loud

[Ten years ago]

When Chaos holds her, Misaki observes her closely. Chaos' hands are cold. Though the woman feels comforting for some reasons, her voice isn't as soft and cooing as the woman who used to sing to her and her sister. But her energy is quite familiar.

What was her mother's name? Was it Chaos? 

She doesn't remember much about the time that she spent in her mother's belly. Back then, her brain was barely developed. She could recognize her father's energy because he was quite strong. She recognized her elder brother because he would often talk to her. As for her mother, her mother's energy was different at different times. As much as she remembers, her mother's energy had been soft and caring. She only felt love from her mother. It was gentle and safe. 

This woman feels familiar but she doesn't feel gentle and safe.

Misaki blinks her eyes slowly. She feels good when she's near this woman. Why is it not the same? 

"You feel comfortable because you are one of my faces." Chaos sits on her throne and lays Misaki on her lap. She looks down at the child. "You will feel more comfortable with me than the woman who gave birth to you."

The child might be young but she can understand the meaning of those words. This white-haired woman is not her birth mother. "Who are you?"

"I am Chaos." Chaos tells her again, "You are one of my faces. I used to be your father's wife. In a way, I am your mother."

But this is not the relationship that she wanted. Misaki's lips tremble uneasily. Where is her mother?

"At the bottom of the unholy river." Chaos places her hand on the child's eyes. "See it for yourself."

Misaki sees her mother -- or pieces of her mother's flesh and soul in the river of death. The forsaken ones are feeding on her. There's barely anything left of her mother's existence. The young child shivers on Chaos' lap. 

"Isn't she weak?" Chaos removes her hand from Misaki's eyes. "I don't like your name. Shall I give you a new one?"

"I like my name," Misaki utters in a language that only Chaos could understand. "Send me back to my father."

Now, this child wants to go back. Chaos guffaws. "Why would I send you back?"

"I want to go back to my father and sister." Misaki cries, "I WANT MY MOTHER!"

Chaos flicks her finger and Misaki's cries become silent. No matter how much the child cries, it wouldn't make any sound. Misaki sniffles, glaring at Chaos. 

"None of my faces are born without any purpose." Chaos says to her lazily, "Stop pretending to be a child. I know that you have high intelligence. Your infant's tactics won't work on me." 

"I want my family." Misaki puckers her lips. "You are my father's ex-wife. You can never be my mother." 

"I don't want to be your mother." A crib appears next to the throne. Chaos lay down the child in the crib. "I feel some powers coming from your soul but there's no magic. What kind of chaos are you going to stir?"

"Send me back to my family!" Misaki keeps screaming in her mind. She knows that Chaos can hear her. "Father, where are you? Come and find me! Mother is in the river of death. You should find her too. Sister, there's an evil goddess here. Save me now. Elder Brother, help me!"

"Tch!" Chaos knits her brows and covers her ears. "This child is so loud."

"HELP ME! SAVE ME! WHERE IS EVERYONE? AN EVIL GODDESS PRETENDED TO BE MY MOTHER!" Misaki shouts. "CHAOS BROUGHT ME TO SOME WHITE SPACE. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? MOTHER, YOU MUST NOT GET EATEN. PLEASE DON'T DIE."

"Your mother won't die." Chaos barks at Misaki, "She's also a goddess. How could she die? Furthermore, nobody can hear you. You are in oblivion. It's a space that even traps gods."

Her mother won't die. Misaki calms down when she hears that. She looks at Chaos with interest. "Then, what is happening to her?"

"Who knows?" Chaos sighs. "I didn't send her to that place… well, in a way, I did. But I didn't consciously send her to that place. One of my faces acted on his own will. She's supposed to be balancing me in the world. She was born as a mortal goddess. That's why you are half-mortal. Say, don't you want to become a full goddess? Then, you might become something on your own."

Misaki narrows her eyes. "I won't believe you, you evil goddess!"

"You don't have to believe me." Chaos rolls her eyes. "I don't know why everyone thinks of me as evil when I am only doing my job."

"It's probably because you pretend to be other children's mother." Misaki mutters, "I am only a baby. I want to be with my mother, father, sister, and elder brother. I want to ride Cina's back."

"You have your life figured out, haven't you?" Chaos shakes her head. She can't believe that this simple child is one of her faces. "I also had such simple goals once, but the world wouldn't let me be. Since you are one of my faces, let me tell you something. Wherever you go, you will induce chaos. Whatever you touch, it will break. You are bound to live a miserable life. You don't believe me, do you? What about your mother then? Didn't she fall into the river because of you? After all, she was trying to find you."

Misaki's eyes well up. "I love my mother."

"Yes, I also loved people." Chaos places her hand on the child's head. "What if I say that your family will do better without you? If I take you back, you will always bring chaos in their life. Instead of causing pain to your family, why don't we cause pain in the lives of people who deserve it? You will get stronger and you will never ever get hurt."