Chapter 194: Are you really a goddess?

"I don't believe in your philosophy." Ari curls her fingers. "I won't argue either. I have taken birth in many worlds to save it from the 'said' apocalypse that you and other gods wanted to bring. I am not sure about taking a part in your plans now."

The old man laughs. "Child, you have been a part of it since the beginning. Life and death are two sides of the same coin. You should know it before anyone else."

Yes, she does. So do the beings inside her. Ari looks up at the grey. Colours are bothersome. Grey seems peaceful. A peace that can never be hers now. "Where is Mayhem?"

That's one of the Chaos' names.

"How would I know?" The old man clicks his tongue. "I haven't seen Atvi either."

"Ah… Atvi." A dangerous smile forms on Ari's lips. "She has dues."

"Don't tell me that you are going to find her now?" The old man looks at her curiously. "Abyss."

There are primordial powers in the world: time, energy, death, darkness, light, Mayhem, Abyss, and gravity. 

Mayhem, who calls herself Chaos proudly, has been taking birth as a mortal in many worlds. Abyss, who has only been a will of the supreme one, was sent as a mortal goddess to those worlds. This cycle has been going on for a long time until Abyss has fallen into the river of death and every foul being, taking the title of the goddess of the forsaken ones. 

"I will look for her." Ari closes her eyes, furrowing her brows. "After I find my daughters."

"Goodluck with that." The old man turns around and walks toward a dilapidated shed at the horizon. "I am going to take rest before Conquest arrives."

She shrugs and turns toward the pale woman sitting on the ground. Nakashima Wakana is watching her with big round eyes. Ari stares at her. "Are you afraid of me?"

Wakana nods her head. "I didn't know that you want to hurt people."

"I only want to hurt the ones who dared to mess with me," Ari replies coldly. "I am sure that you also want to do the same to the ones who caused your family's death."

"I don't know how they died." Wakana frowns at her. "How could I be hateful?"

Ari says nothing. The woman is kind. Like she used to be. She has no heart to be kind anymore. If she had let Kresi die that day, her children could have been safe. Her heart has some regrets. 

"Help me get to T City," She requests Nakashima Wakana. At the moment, her body can't move an inch without this woman's help. It will take a few hours before her body fully recovers. "I am sure that you also need to find out how your family died."

Wakana nods. Her elder sister's grave isn't here. She must be alive. "I need to find my elder sister."

"I will help you in any way I can." Ari, awakened and reborn as a goddess, knows the meaning of promises and debts. She doesn't want to owe this woman.

She's also a goddess. Wakana peeks at Ari as she grabs the coat that the old man threw at her earlier. Why is an apocalyptic horse nice to her? Aren't they supposed to be enemies? And who is this Conquest? She wears the long coat over her long white lingerie. Famine is also here. Why do the reapers not know about this? 

After she's dressed, Wakana holds the woman's hand and helps her walk to the railway station. Surely, ghosts can fly. However, both Wakana and Ari are in a weakened state. While they are waiting at the railway station, Ari questions Wakana, "Are you really a goddess?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Ari tells her.

"Why do you think that it's unfortunate?" Wakana narrows her eyes. 

"Do you like being a soul guardian then?" Ari gives her a dark look. 

Wakana thinks about it for a moment. Is it bad to be a soul guardian? She has helped ghosts, hasn't she? "I don't think that it's bad."

"I also used to think that it wasn't bad to be kind." Ari stretches her legs. Her veins are stiff. Universal magic is slowly returning to her new flesh. The forsaken ones are also getting stronger inside her. "I was wrong though. One should know when to be selfish and when to be kind."

To be honest, she was good as Adira's Ari. Then, she wouldn't be feeling the way she's feeling now. The hopelessness cries of the forsaken ones are loud in her heart. There are more who need help. 

"If I wasn't kind, you wouldn't be here." Wakana glances at the dark sky. "Even if you carry an apocalyptic horse within you, I don't regret it."

Ari is silent. Is it a good idea for her to be here? 

"You want to see your loved ones." Wakana leans back in her seat. "I also wanted to see my family…"

Wakana also regrets dying that day. If she hadn't died, her family could have been alive today. "I don't know why I feel that… my father and my sister died because of me."

"They might have died because of you." Ari claps her hands together. The train is arriving. "They might not have died because of you. Until you find out, you should hold that thought."

"I will do as you say." Wakana smiles at her sadly.

The train halts in front of them. Wakana helps Ari get on the train. They sit on the empty seats on the back. Ari continues to watch the mortals who can't see them. All the mortals seem to have some worries in their eyes: rent, fees, illness, relationship, or a desire that can't be met. They all seem unsatisfied with something. 

It's rare to meet a soul that is content. 

Maybe the apocalypse is needed to remind these people about the basics of life. 

To help them reset the world and begin again.