9 BRAND: It Feels Like Déjà Vu

I open my eyes when I feel Heather stirs beside me on the bed. I rise to my elbow and peer down at her. She's awake, her frown is deep on her forehead.

"What is it, baby? Do you need anything?"

"I need to go to the bathroom."

I flip on the lamp and stand. "You should've woken me up. Don't ever endure anything just because you're shy. Again, you're not a burden to me, Heather."

Heather doesn't answer. I carry her up to the connecting bath and put her on her steady leg. She glances up to me before looking down her pajama bottoms. I swallow and command myself to stay calm. While supporting her weight with my arm, I use my other hand to slide her pajamas down, including her panties.

Heather quickly sits on the bowl and relieves herself. I walk out and wait by the open door. I think I hear the last drop of her urine five minutes later and she still hasn't call me. I frown and worry again.

"Baby, did you poop?" I ask, wishing she won't get offended by my question.

"No." Came her clip reply.

"I think you've been there more than five minutes. Aren't you done, yet?"

"You have no tissue in here." She says indignantly as if it's a crime having no tissue in my toilet.

"Sorry, I don't use them, sweetheart. We have plenty of water."

"I don't need to wash every time I pee." She grumbles.

"Ok, do you have tissue in your own bath? I'll get them for you."

"Yes, please."

I go out of my room towards her bedroom to get the tissue from her own toilet. My eyes scan the familiar space like I've done it before. My guilt hits me like a freight train because I've honestly been here countless of times before. I whisk the sick thought away and grab her tissue from the dispenser and return to her.

When I'm about to hand her the roll, I realize she actually can't hold the thing with her still splinted hands. Back in the hospital, a nurse tends to Heather, cleaning her up and putting her on diapers if not bed pan.

But now, since we're already home, I'm the only person who can help her around. I look at her as if asking permission but Heather just looks down. I take a roll of tissue wads around my hand and help her up to her good leg.

Reaching down with a tissue on my hand, I pat her between her thighs. But the damn thing breaks. The liquid easily tears it in the middle. My own finger brushes her pussy and Heather gasps, her arm around my neck tightens.

"Shit! I'm sorry. You need to change brand, baby." I tell her, hoping my voice won't give me away.

"You're supposed to take thick wads of it!" Heather snaps, her voice trembling.

Throwing the tissue into the bin, I guide Heather back on the toilet bowl so I can wash my hands fast. I then help her up again and pull her panties and pajamas up to her waist before carrying her back to our bed. After tucking her in and kissing her head, I turn around and close my eyes to calm myself. Shit! This is more difficult that I thought.

*****

Days and nights come and go and we've made a routine with our activity at home, mostly all dependent on Heather's schedule. I temporarily stop seeing Nicole for my own therapy because I'm focused on my baby girl. Besides, that woman's flirting irritates the shit out of me. But I've got no say about it because she's the therapist the agency assigns to me.

For the past three months I've been in therapy helped ease my back pain now anyway. Although I still feel twinges from time to time but they're manageable. However, Nicole still tells me it's required I finish the therapy so I won't have any unexpected complications on my back. I agree with her only after Heather recovers from her own injury.

"Shit!"

My ears perk up at Heather's curse inside the bathroom. I peer inside the slightly open door and inspect her.

"Everything ok in there, baby?"

Heather sighs heavily as if irritated. She's still not talking to me up to this moment. Oh, we talk alright but mostly I'm the one speaking and she just nods, scoffs and scowls. Every time she feels like arguing I'll just kiss her to seal her mouth shut.

That kiss where I put my tongue inside her has her shutting down immediately. I feel a little guilty because I can easily get away with anything when I do that to her. But I'm also honestly liking it when she just sits there, stunned and mute.

"Dad." Heather calls louder than a whisper and my heart instantly warms because it's been so long since I hear her call me that.

"What is it, sweetheart?" I open the door wider and look at her.

"I'm bleeding."

I frown for a moment before I catch up what she means. Suddenly, it feels like déjà vu. I nod at her and go to her bedroom to look for the pads she uses. However, what I found in her cabinet makes me pause. She's using tampons now.

I return to my toilet and stand in front of her with the package in my hand. "Baby, since when did you start using this?"