Chapter 117 - Thoughts And Solace

Winter steps out of hiding and walks back to the door, opening it a little to see how Marcellus is faring after that confrontation.

"I apologize for such an unsightly scene, Ms. Middleton - also, for grabbing you like that out of nowhere. Many people know you by now. I'm afraid she might suddenly do something to you once she recognizes who you are," Claude reasoned, making Winter turn to look back and smile at him.

"It's alright. I understand. Thank you, Sir Claude."

"Now then, I'll leave President Lexington to you. He gets exhausted whenever this happens."

With those as his last words, he returns her smile and spares her one final look before finally walking away. She bids him goodbye and makes her entrance at last. 

"Sir Lexington," Winter called out as she opened the door, concern laced in her voice.

"Ms. Agreste…" Marcellus breathed, perking up in surprise when he saw her enter his office.

"How long have you been there?"

"For some time now."

"I see. You must've heard, then. Don't mind that, okay? I have no plans on seeing that woman or anyone for that matter."

Seeing how worn out Marcellus looks right now, Winter can tell that what Claude said is true – he gets really exhausted whenever this thing happens. 

They've been spending time with each other for a long while now. There are times when she can easily read him. During his conversation with that woman, he's probably forcing himself to keep his composure - maybe a bit too much that he now looks spent.

Even then, Marcellus still finds it in himself to smile at Winter. After giving him a moment to collect his cool again, she's finally able to see him beaming like how he always does whenever they see each other.

"Come here," he told her, beckoning her over.

Without hesitating, she walks up to him and stands beside his seat. She returns his affectionate smile with a fond one of her own. Just when she started thinking he's up to something, he suddenly wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her chest. He's acting like a child.

But since Marcellus did have it rough, Winter decided to let him be for now.

"Are you alright?" she asked while she put her hands on top of his head.

"Don't worry. I'm used to it," he answered, frowning.

"You can tell me anything, you know. I'm listening."

"Are you trying to comfort me?"

"I suppose I am. You can tell me anything you want."

Since becoming the head of the Lexington family, Marcellus found his life improving immensely. 

He didn't have to worry about getting beaten up for every small mistake he made or staying locked up for days straight or being all alone on his own devices. He could be with those who truly cared for him. He could fall in love and be loved in return.

This was the life he'd worked for. It was as close to perfection as humanly possible.

Despite all that, Marcellus still had his bad days – days when he felt heavy and numb, weighed down by a sad feeling he couldn't dismiss. Today was one of those bad days. Not only does Harold's return keep reminding him of his past, but all these marriage interview requests are also putting him on the edge. 

Marcellus had always been good at hiding things, but Winter had softened him over the years. Little by little, she took down the barriers guarding his heart, reassuring him that he was more than free to express his feelings and that she would always be there when he needed her. 

The longer Winter kept her promise, the more Marcellus opened up.

The more he opened up, the less he felt the need to hide his emotions. The less he hid his emotions, the more obvious it was when he wasn't okay.

"Okay. That's it. You're not fine at all," Winter finally snapped, taking Marcellus aback. 

She took his hand and led him over to the couch, motioning for him to sit in front of it. He sank to the floor as she sat on the couch behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders. Her fingers began kneading the tension from his body, starting with his neck and shoulders before traveling down his back. 

Marcellus remained tense for several minutes. Then, with a heavy sigh, he slumped forward and let himself relax. Her hands were like magic. He could not deny that.

"Today's an exception, okay? Don't expect me to do this again." 

"Yes, Ma'am."

Though Winter wanted to ask more questions, she focused on working out the knots in his muscles to keep herself from prying. Over time, she learned that he would shut down if he's pressed, and as much as she wanted to help, she knew giving him space was the best way to get him to open up. 

They had been through this routine many times. Sometimes he talked, sometimes he did not. Either way, she knew he appreciated her presence.

Ten minutes of silence passed before Marcellus spoke again.

"I just wish I could feel happiness like normal people do."

Winter hums to let him know she's listening. Her hands didn't stop moving. 

"It's not… It's not like I'm not happy. I am in a way…" he tried to explain. 

"I'm always happy with you. I've never been happier." 

Another pause. He arranges his thoughts. She stays silent.

"But whenever I get too happy, it's like my brain jumps in to remind me why I shouldn't be. I see the ghosts of that man and that woman. Back then, I knew the monstrosity that was happening. And I keep thinking, why should I be happy after all I did?"

"Sir Lexington, I may not know exactly what you'd been through, but I know that none of that is your fault. There was nothing you could have done since you were still so young. I get that you'd been… traumatized enough. Please, don't beat yourself up about it anymore." 

"I understand that. But it doesn't really stop my brain from disagreeing."

Winter let that settle in for a moment before coming to a conclusion. She then goes on to say, "Let me talk to your brain."

His head snapped up. He then looks at her. His surprise turned into confusion. 

"You want to do what now?"

"Talk to your brain. I'm going directly to the source of the problem." 

"And how exactly are you going to do that?"

Winter thought about it for a moment. As soon as she came up with something, she hopped up onto the couch. 

"Up here…!" she chirped as she crossed her legs and patted her thighs. 

"Come lay your head on my lap."

"You're actually serious about this, aren't you?" he blurted out, incredulous.

Winter patted her thighs more insistently. Marcellus sighed – not that he's complaining.

He just hopes that she will not back out at the last minute or pull off another trick to make fun of him. But since he can tell that she's pretty serious, he complied. He climbed to his feet and collapsed onto the couch with his head on her lap. 

"Now what?" Marcellus deadpanned.

"Close your eyes," Winter ordered. 

He did as she asked, breathing out slowly. And then, he feels her leaning over him.

"Hey there, Sir Lexington's Brain. It's me, Winter. I have something I want to say to you," she started.

Marcellus couldn't keep himself from snorting. It was too ridiculous. Yet Winter sounded so damn serious. Her face scrunched up in annoyance.

"Don't laugh at me, you jerk…!" she yelled, smacking him on his chest. 

"And stop listening! This is a private conversation!"

"What the…? I can't… Oh my goodness, Ms. Agreste…" he kept laughing before he threw an arm over his face, unsure whether to be amused or exasperated. 

"There. I'm not listening. Happy now?"

"Yes!" 

She grinned in satisfaction. Then, calming down, she began again.

"Hi there, Sir Lexington's Brain. I wanted to talk to you about something." 

Her hands slid down to rest on either side of his head. With that, she started massaging his temples slowly.

"You've done a lot for Sir Lexington over the years that I want to thank you for. Because of you, he's not just a pretty face. You've made him super smart so he always knew what to do. Even when he didn't have all the answers, he was able to figure things out. Without him, I wouldn't be here right now…" Winter said softly while Marcellus listened quietly. 

"I know you've been protecting Sir Lexington for a really long time, and I appreciate you for that. When he was little, he needed that protection. But now that he is older, the things that used to keep him safe are hurting him."

As she spoke, she ran her hands down his neck then back up to trace his jawline. When she'd done that several times, she moved up to the crown of his head and combed her fingers through his hair. 

Marcellus remained still and silent the whole time.