Chapter 227 - Find

"Even after finding that out, I didn't have the courage to take my life. Instead, I forced myself to believe that I had seen nothing and all that happened was a part of my imagination. For quite a while after finding out that my wife was seeing other people behind my back, I was found lost in thought as I blamed myself for everything that was happening. I believed it was my fault, I mean after all, everything was always my fault. Who else could be blamed for a mistake that took place other than me? Of course due to be having thoughts about such horrifying events meant that I was taking longer to get my job done which infuriated my boss. At one point, he was close to firing me. To be honest, that was the time when I made the first change in my life. That began to stop caring about how I felt. I couldn't be bothered to take care of myself. If I was sick, tired, sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted, it didn't matter. I thought of my life to be no different than the life of an incest or a pig. I did what I was asked and completed it without asking questions. If I was even late by even a second, I tormented myself constantly by belittling myself for hours at a time and forced myself to lose sleep. At one point, I was sure that I had gone completely insane. My coworkers began to take notice of this and started avoiding me. My boss noticed as well but instead of being worried or being scared, he was happier than ever. I was completing the work he assigned me at such speeds that I was matching a machine. That was because in my eyes, I was nothing more than a machine, a tool for others to use. That wasn't life's purpose. My wife would use me for my money, my boss would use me for my skills. I had no other purpose," said George as his life only kept getting worse from that point onward.

"However after pushing myself like that for so long, something even slightly good happened to me. My wife announced that she was pregnant. Of course I was ecstatic. I would finally be able to raise children. Of course I knew that the kid she would give birth to was most likely not my own but I couldn't help but feel happy. Maybe I had a chance to make someone else happy for once. I mean I never received any affection from my parents as a kid so maybe I had a chance to change that for my child and show them that the world isn't so bad if they have loving parents which would look out for them in any situation. I just wanted to be there for my children because I never had the privilege of that," said George which almost brought the man that saved his life to tears.

"After the child was born, I decided to work even harder so that there would be more money so it would go into my child's future however for some reason the money kept disappearing while my wife used the excuse that the money was going into materials for the child to live on. However I knew that was nothing but a lie. This was around the time that she introduced me to a new friend of hers which started to come over a little too often and claimed that he was there to help my wife during the process of taking care of the baby since I was such a good father and was working so many hours to take care of my wife and child. Although I was a failure in all senses, I wasn't stupid. I knew the moment I met that man that he was the real father of that child. Of course I was heart broken but still kept quiet as if I were to reveal what I knew, it would cause a divorce where my wife would leave with the baby and have no where to go because the truth was that no one else would take a woman which had just given birth to a child of another man. At that time, I didn't care about what happened to her, I just wanted the baby to have a good life and knowing the justice system, it would rule in the favour of her and would give her custody over the child so it would mean that my child would live a horrible life. I was stuck in a situation which I could not get out of. I had to just bear it and watch as another man was being a father and husband to my wife and child while I worked insane hours to provide money so that the three of them could live happily under my roof. When people say that ignorance is bliss, it truly is. Every night I convinced myself that I was just seeing things and I was living a perfect life with my wife and child when in fact I was just a bank that was giving free money to a family of 3," said George as he began to tear up. All he could do was feel sorry for himself as there was nothing else he could do.

"I can see how your life took a very sharp turn for the worse and now you're living a hellish life that you don't even want to live in just for the sake of a child that won't even treat you like its father and a wife that won't treat you like her husband. This is all because you never spoke out about the emotions you've held within you for so long. So I must ask, why did you never speak about the emotional trauma you've suppressed all your life?" the man which saved George's life asked in utter confusion.

"Because I am a man.. No one would care," said George as tears of pure pain began to leave his eyes as he accepted that what he had lived was not a life but could only be defined as a never ending hell.