Chapter 73 - BREATHE

''So, what happened at the charity event?'' Paris asks excitedly. I figured I shouldn't be holed up in my room reading all the books under the bed for the duration of our break. The weather is alright today, not a lot of snow that there is a blizzard although I did have to shovel the driveway a bit and the roads were definitely slippery but I made it to the Jackson's mansion.

''Hello to you too,'' I respond with an eye roll. ''Vitali let me in.'' Removing my scarf and placing it neatly on her vanity table, I plop on her bed and land directly on her with a whoosh. Paris' room is bigger than Sophie and I's room combined. It's like a one bedroom apartment stuffed into a mansion. Her walls are decorated pink, something she insisted on since she absolutely loves the colour. Her bed is queen sized and her closet is the walk-in type, the clothes arranged according to colour coordination. Warm colours to the left side of the closet and the bright ones on the right, dressy heels at the bottom of the drawers and sneakers/flats on top. Heck, she even has a mini ladder because the height department has not been kind to her.

She also has a water dispenser, a gumball machine, a mini fridge, a wooden bookshelf which occupies the most space in the room (she literally has almost all the romance books I love), a game room (for some reason, she loves playing COD) and a huge ass fish tank with her pet goldfish-Storm and Hail.

If I had a room like hers, I'd never want to leave.

''I missed you.'' 

''Tell me all about the event,'' she insists, bouncing up and down and making the bonnet I gifted to her on her 17th birthday slip off her head. I giggle and place it back on correctly. ''Alright.''

''Spill! Don't keep me waiting.''

''Okay, so I got dressed, put on makeup, had a discussion with my best friend,'' I tease lightly. She narrows her eyes. ''I'm kidding, I'm kidding.''

''You better be.''

''It was good and weird at the same time,'' I admit. ''I learned some really serious shit.''

''Like?'' she probes.

''For one thing, did you know that Grande has a son that's autistic?'' Her eyes widen in shock. ''No way.''

''Yes way. The proceeds for the auction are going to this foundation called Daisylane Miracle Centre-''

''Oh I know that place! My parents donate money there every year.''

''Yea, so you know they help kids with special needs and they help raise awareness for kids with autism.''

''Yea. I never knew Grande had an autistic kid and I've been in Adelaide for a while now.'' 

''Then we had our performance.'' I bring out my phone and show her pictures from the event. ''I couldn't take videos of the actual performance because I was you know, singing but these are a few shots from after the performance.''

She swipes from picture to picture, giggling at the silly ones and teasing me about how Theo and I 'look good together.'

''You need to send these to me ASAP.''

''Already did. Check your phone.''

''Alright. What else?''

I sigh, but it's not a dejected one. ''I ran into Jason.''

Her eyes widen again, but this time they're wider than saucers. ''You should have started with that first.''

''We had a conversation and-'' I contemplate telling her about Jason's confession. I know if I tell her she wouldn't run her mouth, but there was something so intimate, so vulnerable about him opening up to me and telling me something that only he and Mariah knew about. From the looks of things, even though he said it happened two years ago, it's still something that haunts him and I understand. It sucks when you think you have control of a situation but then you find out that you're actually powerless.

He told me his secret because he trusted me enough to hold a piece of him. 

I tell Paris almost everything that goes on in my life, but this one, Jason's story, I'd keep it to myself and take it to my grave.

''We made up. Jason and I kissed and made up.'' Her jaw widens and I clamp it shut with my thumb. ''In a metaphorical sense.''

''Now I wish I actually listened to you,'' she groans. ''Your feud of over four years is actually dunzzo? That's epic.''

''It's dunzzo.'' I confirm. ''We figured that since we're graduating and we're mature adults, then there's no need to be fighting anymore,'' I shrug. ''We talked about shit, apologized to each other and the rest is history.''

That part isn't a complete lie. We did end our feud.

My phone buzzes lightly and I fish it out of my pocket. Unlocking the screen, I smile lightly. It's Jason and he sent me some funny GIFs. After I ended our conversation abruptly, we continued talking, well texting, till the wee hours of the night. I found out some more things about him. Not only does he watch Disney, even if it's not by choice, he's a big fan of the Avengers franchise, Gal Gadot is his girl crush and he loves music as much as I do, although our tastes are different. I listen to almost all genres, but I have a bias: pop and country. He's more of a rock and R&B person.

''Why are you smiling?'' she asks curiously. Her face peers into the screen and she looks at me, confused. ''Who is J.B?"

''Justin Bieber.''

''You're not funny.''

''Wait a damn minute,'' she puts her hand on her chin and furrows her brows. ''J.B? Jason Blunt?'' The light blush on my face gives her the confirmation she's looking for. ''Bitch, what? Ya'll are on texting basis now?''

''I did tell you we made up,'' I say, the blush still on my face. ''Plus, it's only been a few days.''

''You like him.'' She says matter-of-factly. ''You really like him.''

I deny it immediately even if my heart knows it's a big lie. ''I don't.''

''Girl, please,'' she sasses. ''You're smiling the way I do when Ryan's sends me corny shit.''

''Okay, I like him,'' I finally admit and she high-fives the air. ''I like him and I don't know what to do about it. I honestly didn't expect it to happen. I don't even know when it happened or how it happened but it did and-'' I run my hands through my braids. ''Fuck, it just happened!''

''I did predict this months ago. From now on, call me Prophetess Paris,'' she teases lightly. ''I knew the day would come when you admit that you finally like the bad boy and no one ever plans on liking someone. It's not a test, Mel. It just…well happens like that. I didn't plan on liking Ryan but here we are now.'' 

I nod lightly. ''My point is, you're human. Allow yourself to feel.''

''But I don't even know if it's just a simple crush. Yes, I like him, but what if it's just like infatuation?''

She shakes her head. ''I've known you for over four years. You haven't dated anyone except for Bob. You're not me. You don't do simple infatuations. You're actually smarter than that.''

''Then there's the Bob issue,'' I point out. ''I don't even know where he is or what the fuck is up with him. Is he dead? Is he alive? I don't know and it fucks with my mind sometimes. I can't just jump into a new relationship when I don't have closure from the previous one.''

I like Jason, but I love Bob or loved him even though he did lie to me about who he really was and had a whole secret life. I have concluded that if he ever does come back, then I'm going to severe our ties. I don't appreciate being lied to, and he may have his reasons, hell I know that the mafia operate on a code of secrecy, but I'm not interested in a relationship anymore.

But we had something special and I can't just dispose of our relationship or pretend like it never happened. We were together for over five months.

''If Bob were alive today, would you go back to him?''

''I love him, or I loved him, I don't know. But after all the shit that went down, I think I'd wean myself from our relationship.''

''See, you're not even sure. How about this? Play it by ear.''

I open my mouth to interject but she pinches my lips. ''I know you're not a play it by ear person, but hear me out. Don't not acknowledge that you feel something for Jason because of Bob. I understand that in your heart, you love him and he's going to occupy your thoughts, especially now that he's MIA, but have you ever thought about the possibility that he may not be alive?'' she whispers softly.

''I don't want to think about it,'' I say dejectedly. ''The thought alone makes me want to cry.''

With each day that passes and the police not knowing anything about his whereabouts, I have a nagging feeling that Bob is not of this world anymore. It's a reality that makes me sick to my stomach.

''It's a possibility, Mel,'' she says, holding my hand. ''And sooner or later, we'd know the truth so you can get the closure you want.''

''Yea.''

Paris speaks up, trying to lighten the mood since the mood has shifted. ''Enough of this sad shit. I hate seeing you like this.'' I giggle and grab her silk pink pillow. ''I agree. Tell me about Ryan.''