Chapter 20

“Alyssa.”

Rashid gave strength to his hand and lightly turned my head back. He wouldn’t have even known that he was using grip.

I have no choice but to make eye contact with him. Rashid put his face close to me.

Even in the darkness, his eyes shone alone. However, the emotions contained in them did not appear to be due to the darkness, or whether that was originally the case. There was only a clear and transparent absence in it, neither joy nor affection.

“Are you afraid?”

His breath tickled me. Following that gentle exhalation, his deep scent flowed inside me. It smelled like a deep flower and a pure musk. In the wind, I felt like I had fallen into the traces of Rashid, which was hard to define.

Are you afraid? What?

“…no, I’m not afraid.”

I answered as if I were possessed. I meant it.

But I had no intention of spending the night with Rashid. Becoming Alyssa, I wasn’t going to go with the flow. I can’t do that.

First of all, I have to escape this situation somehow. I have to think about the rest next.

“But…oh, I-I’m not ready for it yet.”

I stuttered in a mess. I’m not even sure what I’m talking about.

“Prepare your heart.”

Rashid smirked.

Anyway, Alyssa and Rashid are married, and they’ve been together for more than 12 months, but they’re still not ready. How ridiculous it must have sounded. You must be wondering what’s wrong with her now.

“I-I’m not feeling well yet.”

“I heard you’re in good shape.”

“I’m still a little tired.”

“Hmm.”

He smiled quietly. It was a relaxed attitude, as if to listen where I was going with this.

“Also, I think I have a fe-fever…”

“Fever.”

While I was rolling my eyes because I was so stumped that I couldn’t give a better excuse, Rashid gently touched my forehead. His hand was large, covering my forehead as well as my eyebrows, and my vision was colored by the cozy darkness.

The excuse can’t work. Because his palms seemed hotter than my forehead.

“That…”

“Okay.”

I was going to say anything that came to mind, but Rashid unexpectedly let me go. I don’t know what he was thinking, but for me it was a relief. Sweeping down his chest, he continued.

“Well, let’s wait.”

“What?”

“Until you’re ready.”

“Uh…”

He said, rolling his eyes at the unexpected sound.

“Tomorrow?”

I shook my head in a hurry.

“Then the day after tomorrow.”

Continuing to shake my head, I dropped my eyes. Two round hands lay side by side on a white chemise.

“Will it be next month?”

“Well, I mean…”

“Huh, then when is it good?”

I groaned like a goldfish out of the water. When should I say? Can I do it next month? Or the month after? Next year? When the hell?

There was no day on schedule to share my body heat with Rashid in the future, so I had nothing to say for an answer.

“We-well…”

“Tell me straight.”

“Let me tell you! When I’m ready…”

“Hmm.”

“So on a good day…yeah.”

If there is a mouse hole, I want to go in. When I wrapped my hands around my face, my palms were warm.

“Sure.”

Rashid got up out of bed. I felt the elastic mattress bounce back flat.

“Then take your rest, Madam.”

Then he blew out the candles on the table. White smoke scattered through the darkness.

Rashid’s footsteps recede. The door opens and closes again. I recognized the fact that he had left with a sound coming from beyond the dim vision.

I fell flat on the bed.

‘Oh, I can’t. I have to get out of here as soon as possible.’

I was trying to get things going slowly, but it was an unfamiliar sound. My heart pounded as if the fire of the extinguished candle had moved over the top of my foot.

So, I have to get a divorce. I have to ask for a divorce tomorrow. I have to file the divorce papers. Days and days later, good days won’t come. It has to be now.

‘If another day like today comes, then…’

Delusions are about to rise. I hurriedly put the blanket over my head. And in that state, I could barely fall asleep after tossing and turning dozens of times.

* * *

The morning was bright, but Louise didn’t wake Alyssa. If there is no specific schedule, it is a rule to do so, and today was the day after the union day.

Alyssa, who had a weak constitution, always lay down for a long time after spending the night. It wasn’t until the sun came up that she pulled the rope to call Louise. Then Louise let the tub be filled with warm water and removed the bed while Alyssa was washing up.

Usually, Louise doesn’t go to bed herself, except the day after the merger. It was because Alyssa was shy and asked her separately.

Ring! The bell rang cheerfully. It was a call from the Duchess’ bedroom. I guess she woke up early today.

On her way to the room, Alyssa sat on the bed and greeted Louise. The pink hair that was pressed while sleeping was disheveled. You looked a little tired, but that’s all. Louise felt at odds with her usual appearance.

“Please prepare a meal.”

“Yes, Mistress. The bath is…”

Louise looked at her blankly for a moment.

“Oh, yeah. I can eat after I wash up.”

Alyssa got out of bed and went to wash up. Left behind, Louise tidied up the bedroom.

The Duchess’ bed was neat. The blanket was disorganized and the pillow crumpled because she was sleeping, but that’s all. There were no signs of the union day.

‘What?’

Louise tilted her head.

The relationship between the owners was the most interesting story among the workers of the aristocratic mansion. It is no exaggeration to say that the atmosphere of the mansion is usually determined by the good and bad relationship. Of course, to some extent, it was also a matter of interest.