434 There's No Going Back

The feel of Katherine's mouth around him was beyond his imagination. Damien couldn't lie that he had dreamed of this. Even if they had done the deed several times in the past, this was the first time that she had ever been so bold taking him in her mouth—and damn it, he had been missing a lot. "Fûck." His cursing was breathy when she circled her tongue around the crown before releasing it.

Her fingers went around the base of his shaft, and she stroked him once before kissing the tip. Rearing her head back briefly, she ran her tongue up his angry, pulsating length and enclosed her mouth around him. He groaned as he threw his head back, his hand subconsciously cupping the back of her head as she went as deep as she could until he hit the back of her throat. "Oh…" It felt so good he could barely hold it in.

When she pulled back, Damien opened his eyes and met her pair of hazy ones. God, she looked so beautiful. 

However, just before she was about to take him again, an uninvited—unwanted thought pushed its way to the front of his mind, and all of his selfish desires went away. It was out of nowhere and it suddenly smacked him right in the face. "Wait…" his rough voice made her pause. He pulled her up to her feet, seeing the confusion on her face when he wiped her mouth with his thumb. She didn't understand why he stopped her.

He didn't want to ask, but if he didn't do it, he would probably go crazy thinking that he should have. So even if he was reluctant, he let the words escape from his mouth. "Why are you really doing this, Katherine? Is this… how you're trying to prove yourself? Getting me to bed?"

The question rang in Katherine's ears. All of her confidence, her resolve—gone.

Feeling embarrassed by what was happening, she unknowingly covered herself with her arms. Oh god, what was she doing? 'This wasn't what it looked like… It's not what he thinks'. Doing all of this, did she seem like she was desperate just to get him to take her? She did… She absolutely did want him. But all this time, did he only think like that? That this was all she would do to prove to him how serious she was? Her mind was reeling at the thought of Damien questioning her motive.

She lowered her gaze, her hands suddenly quivering at the same time that her heart seemed like it was squeezed to a pulp. "I…" Before she could even speak any more words, a tear escaped her eye. What kind of woman was she, forcing herself to him and making him misunderstand?

"Maybe… Maybe this was a mistake. I'm sorry, Damien." She turned on her heel and headed out the door.

"Fûck. Wait." He hurriedly pulled his boxers and pants back up and stopped her. "Katherine, wait. I didn't mean anything else by it. It was just a question." Damien caught her wrist and he spun her to him.

But Katherine couldn't look at him. She was so damn embarrassed she didn't even know what was what anymore. Was she wrong to do all those things? Should she have not done it?

"Baby, look at me…" He hooked his finger under her chin and made her look at him. "I didn't mean to ask it like that. But since that day you came here and told me all those things, you've…" He sighed. "I just don't want this to be the only thing that's going on between us. I want to make sure we're more than just this. You told me you're choosing me… And I don't want you to think that this is the only thing I wanted from you. This isn't what I need—to know that you're really staying this time. For good."

"I am, Damien. I am. But how could you think that of me? It kills me that you even thought of that. It's not even just about questioning my motives of... wanting to do it with you. Fine… Now, I get it that you could think that way, maybe it is my fault that I've been too aggressive in wanting you." How embarrassing. The tears that she tried to hold back were now escaping her eyes. "But it's that—you think that I don't know what you really want… Of all people whom I thought would understand me, you questioned... Did you think I was this shallow? That what I only know is… selling my body?"

The hand that clasped around her wrist relaxed. The crease that was evidence of his confusion was gone. Damien stared at Katherine and saw the hurt he had caused for even having that thought. Why the fûck did he question her? How stupid was he? He should have known. He should have believed and had faith in her. Now he felt awful for even asking that. The timing was wrong. How he questioned her was wrong. God, he felt like an idiot. If he was in her position and she questioned him too, he was sure he would feel insulted.

He hesitantly brought his hand up and cupped her face before pulling her into his arms. "I'm sorry… I was insecure. I shouldn't have questioned you like that... You're right. I should have known—"

"No, it's my fault. You've been denying me yet I forced it. I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry."

He didn't know why he was even denying her when all he really wanted was her. He should have just told her what his hesitations were. He pressed a kiss on her forehead and looked into her eyes, wiping the moist on her cheeks. "If this isn't it, then..."

"I can't tell you yet."

"Why not?"

"Because I so badly want to succeed. But as of now, I'm still working on it. And telling you might jinx it."

He didn't know what she was planning but he wanted to support her. "What are the odds of you succeeding... whatever you're planning?"

Katherine shook her head. "I don't know... if I'm being optimistic, it's highly likely. No, you know what? I'll make it happen. I will make sure of it."

"So this… You seducing me…"

"This is just me wanting you Damien. I love you… and I've been longing for you. And I'm not saying this just because of now. I should have said this early on... But I do... I still love you, and I always will," she spoke in a clear voice despite her confidence wavering. "And I'm horny, okay? There I said it."

Her admittance amused him, painting a slow grin on his face. It had been so long since the last time she said those words: I love you. And hearing it again elated him, he could fly. And what kind of boyfriend was he if he didn't take care of his girlfriend's needs? But when he saw her serious expression turn into a frown because of his reaction, the grin slipped from his face and he composed himself.

Taking her face into his hands, he asked her in a low voice that sent a chill down her spine, "Is this what you really want?"

It took her a few seconds to contemplate but with his warm hands on her skin, she couldn't deny that she really wanted it, so she nodded.

"There's no going back from this once we start. I've been holding myself back, Katherine, I don't know what I could do to you."

Returning his earnest gaze, she spoke in her most sincere voice, "I want you, Damien Park. And I want it all."

Closing the distance between them, he pressed their bodies together and spoke just a hair's breadth away from her lips, "Then you better be sure you're ready because I don't have plans on letting your rest tonight. It will be raw... and rough."

Katherine softly gasped when she pressed himself harder against her, realizing that his flag was still up.