336 Baby Steps

Dear Matty,

I got your postcard when you visited Los Angeles last week. You're so lucky to see the Hollywood sign! Did you take a picture of it? I would love to see it so please send me one in your next letter!

By the way, the school dance is just around the corner. I remember that we talked about it before you ghosted on me (before you left for Cali. I'm eye-rolling right now). Also, my classmate bully Jenna (you know, the one who always wears her hair in a ponytail) has been giving me a hard time at school lately because she heard that Bruce Ward asked me to be his date for the dance.

Can you believe that he asked me? I know you don't like him. And I didn't say "yes" FYI. He's a little cute but then I remembered he pissed his pants in 2nd grade when he got scolded by our homeroom teacher. HAHAHA. 

I also don't think that I will go to the dance anyway because you're not there so I know it will suck. If you hadn't left, you'd ask me to be your date right? :p Coz if you wouldn't, I would probably force you anyway. Even through letter, I'm still reminding you that I will marry you one day, Matthew Jeong. (Imagine my wide grin while I'm saying this.)

Honestly, I miss you. It's been a few months. And I get lonely sometimes when I do my homework. Write back fast.

Your best friend in the whole wide world,

Katherine

P.S. I grew another few cms. I'm still the tallest in class. Do you think I can beat your height?

…

Katherine Young hadn't received a response from Matthew after that letter which she sent the day before the tragic incident in her home happened. She had forgotten about it for a while and then remembered Matthew every now and then, wondering what happened to him and what he was up to while she was in the orphanage with all the other kids whom she didn't get along with.

She didn't know how time had passed while she stayed there confused, traumatized and lonely. Eventually she came to terms with the fact that she had no one else but Chris whom she had placed her hope on to rescue her from this hellhole one day. She constantly wrote him letters even though he didn't respond to any of them. Even so, she hoped that he read all of them.

These thoughts about the past flashed in her head like a lightning struck and when she realized that Damien had kissed her, she froze on the spot. It had been too long since the last time that they kissed and it made her want to melt into his embrace. And for a second, she forgot about her worries, allowing herself to respond to his kisses.

His kiss was rough, dominant and fierce but she loved it, her heart fluttering with each of his strokes. The way his lips and tongue entangled with hers felt so right and sweet and hot. And when her hands glid up to his shoulders and she hooked her arms around his neck, he pulled her closer, encircling his arms around her waist.

Shocked by the sudden change in the air, Damien watched as she comforted herself while he stood taken aback by her action. She pushed him. She denied him a long kiss after having just responded to it. He was confused as hell on what went wrong and when he was about to ask her what's the matter, a realization came to him, reminding him that she was still trying to isolate herself because of her guilt.

'Damn it, Damien. You ruined it, you fool,' he cursed himself. He shouldn't have pushed his luck. He didn't know what came to him when he said those things before kissing her. For a period of time, he had forgotten that their relationship was still weak at this point after having just convinced her that they could do it slowly. 

He was consumed with jealousy after reading the old letter of her to Matthew when they were still very young that he forgot about himself and acted like an ass. He had no right to say those things; especially when she was in a flighty stage. She could disappear again any time and what he said might just cause her to leave him again. He instantly regretted and felt bad.

"I'm sorry…" he cautioned, lowering his head as he felt defeated. "I shouldn't have said that."

Katherine didn't look up when he spoke, not knowing how to act after she just pushed him away. She didn't want to do that, but her body involuntarily acted before she even realized it and when she came to her senses, she felt bad. Damien must be feeling awful and she didn't know how to make him feel better. She didn't mind what he said because now she couldn't really see anyone else apart from Damien.

When she didn't respond, he decided to give her some space and reflect on what happened. This was just a minor setback. They could still make this work… He would just have to be patient with her. He would crawl just like he promised. 

Anything for Katherine. His stupid jealous self would just have to suck it up.

Damien took a step forward and was thankful that she didn't move away. Gently placing a hand on her shoulder, he lightly squeezed it and kissed her hair before saying, "You go and take a shower, I'll meet you outside when you're done."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, slowly looking up at him and meeting his gaze. She saw him giving her a smile before leaving her alone in the huge bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Katherine hated what she did and she tried so hard to clear her thoughts and move on. Removing her clothes, she stepped into the shower and let the warm water pour down on her naked body. She stayed in the shower longer than she was used to, wanting to wash away her ill thoughts, guilt and self-loathing.

When she was done, she quickly slipped into a plain white shirt and her old faded jeans. She was just about to leave her bedroom when she passed by a picture frame that her grandfather gave her recently. In it was a picture of her when she was ten years old and her parents in the Young Mansion. 

Brushing her fingers on the photo, she spoke in silence, 'Mom, Dad… I'm sorry I can't hate Damien like I'm supposed to. You understand me, do you? If I push him away, I don't know if I can still survive. I already tried doing that and yet here I am… I couldn't help but be drawn to him. What should I do? I wish you were here to tell me.'

Katherine took a deep breath and walked away, wishing that she was brave enough to withstand the storms that were about to come her way.