313 Discovery 5

The silence was nearly deafening. It made Katherine feel like she was hearing a low-pitched sound ringing in her ear. Her gaze was still locked with Damien's and it felt like forever since either of them spoke, causing her anxiousness.

She started to question what was going on in his head. His expression was void of any emotions and it was hard for her to understand him at the moment.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" she finally asked.

However, he remained speechless, just looking right at her as he contemplated on things.

"Damien…" she called.

Exhaling a short sigh, his shoulders relaxed and he answered, "I'm just… trying to wrap my head around it. I'm trying to imagine how you managed to do it."

"What?" she whispered.

"The image of you in my head… I'm trying to see how it's possible for you to bomb a secret organization's base."

Her brows knitted in confusion and frustration. Was Damien trying to imagine her capabilities? "Are you serious?"

"What?"

"First, you're straightforward about calling me an assassin and now, you're wondering how I did it?"

"What do you expect me to think?"

"Aren't you fazed at all? Shouldn't you be more… shocked?"

Damien let out a scoff — a mixture of mock and amusement. "Fazed? No. Shocked… maybe, only a little. I'm not new to this world of underground or secret organizations, Katherine. I grew up knowing these things exist. I was trained by my father from a young age. I've told you a little about what my family does. So no, I'm not fazed. I had my suspicions, but maybe I didn't want that to be the truth, so I didn't allow myself to dwell on the possibilities of you being involved in something like this."

He was right. But she didn't think it was that fast for him to just accept the things that she admitted to him. It wasn't because she thought he didn't know about these things… rather, she was feeling slightly hurt that he seemed so nonchalant about it. It was as though she wished that he would be mad at her instead and yell at her. She thought that it would make her feel better that way. His easy acceptance over the matter made her sad. Her lips quivered.

"You… suspected me?" She hesitated, unsure of what she really wanted to hear from him.

Damien had always been able to read Katherine. And seeing her expression, he knew that she was thinking of something else. 

"That's not what you really want to ask me, is it?" he questioned in a confident tone.

Of course, he knew her well enough to see right through her.

"Ask me," he added with a gentler voice when Katherine remained silent.

Her heart drummed in her chest while she wondered: 'What was the point in asking?', at the same time that she tried to convince herself to just ask him. 

After contemplating, she finally surrendered and probed, "Are you disappointed?"

"... In me?"

She watched as Damien looked at her with the familiar loving eyes that he had whenever she saw her. She could almost feel the warmth of those dark eyes that bore into her as if he was trying to see into her soul. 

It sounded poetic but she was in such a vulnerable state that at that moment, she wished that they weren't talking about all of her demons. That instead of talking about bombs and killing, they should be like a normal couple who talks about rainbows and butterflies—or food and Damien's exceptional cooking abilities that she could never match. Or maybe the fact that he could play her an instrumental with a piano and even make her fall asleep.

Or maybe about their walk on the beach that one time or how they end up falling asleep when they planned to watch something at their home in Pearl Gardens. Her question sounded simple but she dreaded asking it because what she really wished for… was that they could just go back to when she forgot about everything and didn't remember her past. That it was just Katherine and Damien... 

But life was never fair, was it? And now she was asking him if he was disappointed in who she really was.

Because if he wasn't… Should she tell him that she was?

"Yes and no," he responded. "I'm not disappointed in what or who you were, Katherine. You were made to believe a lie. But I'm disappointed that you couldn't trust me. I would have understood if it was before you lost your memories because we didn't know each other that well back then. But now… I came to know who you really are. I wish that you could have been honest with me earlier."

She didn't know how to respond to him. It took her a while before she managed to tell him, "If I were to face the same choices, Damien… I would still choose the same and not tell you then. That's just how I am."

"Exactly. That's who you are. You're keeping this a secret because you were trying to protect me. That's the kind of person I choose to see. Someone who cares about me."

Water welled up in her eyes again and she blinked fast and looked down. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She thought it was weak to do so.

"But I'm a killer… I killed people, Damien. I've taken lives that I could never bring back." She closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. Her chest began to feel heavy as the guilt crept up on her, clawing her insides and shaking her conscience.

"Look at me," he said. When Katherine refused to raise her chin, he called her, "Katherine."

Hesitantly, she forced herself to match her gaze with his despite her lips trembling and her tears that were threatening to fall.

Damien took a deep breath and told Katherine what she didn't expect him to say, "So have I."

"What?"

"So have I… I've taken lives that I could never bring back. You're not the only one who has skeletons in their closet, Katherine. I'm just as damaged as you are."