Chapter 46：Scarred Heart

Lana cried herself to sleep in Maya's arms and she snuck out to get Jordan to come and take over. Her arm was numb and she was dozing off herself; it was time to go and get some rest.

"How is she?" Jordan rushed forward when Maya stepped outside.

"Broken..cried herself to sleep." She pointed at her soaked sweater and preceded to remove it.

"Ohh.." His jaw dropped when he saw the evidence of Lana's distress. "That bad huh?"

"Yeahh..you've got a lot of work ahead of you." Jones patted his shoulder.

"I think we going to head out bud..my wife looks like she's about to pass out." Kyle peeled of his sweater and handed it to her.

"I'm going to stick around..You're going to be staying with me right? I've already told Angelo to expect you." Jordan pulled out his car keys and handed them back to his friend. "Take the car-I'll see you guys later."

"You're okay kid?" Jones glanced at Jordan's dejected form that was slumped against the chair.

"I'm going to check on Lana. Are you going to be okay out here?" He stood up and slid his hand in his back pockets.

"Yeah. Go ahead." Jones nodded.

Jordan tiptoed into Lana's room and hovered over her bed; watching her as she slept. Her long raven hair fanned across the pillow-he ran his fingers through her hair and gently pushed the stray strands off her beautiful face. Her long thick lashes splayed on her flushed cheeks and his stomach muscles clenched as his gaze lingered on her.

He was the reason she was lying on this hospital bed-this was all him. She deserved so much better than what he gave her and he didn't even have a good reason for doing what he did. She was always so good to him-even when he didn't deserve it. He knew he was no good for her-that she could do better than him-but his heart ultimately belonged to her and her alone. Although there had been other girls but none of them compared to Lana. He realized that he was just chasing paper planes with Dahlia and that he didn't love her-he cared about her but he didn't love her.

He sank into the chair at the foot of her bed and dropped his face into his hands. As the guilt weighing heavily on him, his shoulders quaked as he dissolved into tears. The last time he had cried was at his mother's funeral and the foreign sounds emanating from his chest startled Lana as she woke up.

"Jordan.." She whispered softly as she averted her gaze towards him

"Lana- I-sorry you had to see me like this-" He wiped his tears with the back off his sleeve.

"Come here." She beckoned to him. She had heard him cry and at first, it gave her great joy to hear him snivel-he deserved to hurt until the day he died for what he did to her-but then her soft heart couldn't take it anymore. It hurt her to hear Jordan put on the weeps. As much as it gave her pleasure that to hear his strangled sobs her heart broke along with his.

"I'm a mess-I shouldn't have woken you-"

"Come here Carter" She commanded. "I'm not asking you-I'm telling you." She stated. He shambled over to her bedside and hung his head low, unable to meet her penetrating gaze.

"You were crying? Why?" She probed.

"Guilty conscience-amongst other things I guess." He shrugged and stared at his shoes.

"Did Dr Burns talk to you?"

"Yeah-yeah he did.." His gaze lifted and he looked at her with remorse.

"Lana I'm sorry-" He began and stepped forward.

"Why should you be? It's what you wanted isn't it?!" She burst out.

"Yes. You're right-I won't deny it." Jordan admitted. "I never wanted children-but that was before.."

"Okay, now that we've lost our baby you suddenly realize that you wanted one after all?!"

"How convenient!" She spat, her voice laced with venom. "Unfortunately or fortunately for you-I probably can't have any more children-ever again!" Lana whimpered and then began to wail like a banshee.

Jordan lept forward and folded her in his arms. "Don't cry baby...please don't cry.."

"Now you have every excuse to run back to Dahlia-maybe she can give you a child that you never wanted in the first place!"

"Baby please don't-"

"It's the truth-you just admitted it. You-didn't want it-never-wanted it-" She pummeled his solid chest with her small fists and broke down again. He pressed her against his chest and was relieved when she didn't resist.

"Even if I didn't want it doesn't mean it hurts any less baby." He consoled her. "It breaks my heart to see you like this." He stroked her hair down her back. "I wish I could turn back time-and have a do-over-I should never have left you Lana-"I'm a fool-an idiot." He admonished. "Now I've caused you so much pain and you're suffering..all because of me. I know it doesn't make it better but I'm really sorry baby. I just hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me.."

Lana didn't respond she just continued to sob into his wet sweater until she fell asleep again. Jordan lay back down with her on the bed, her head still nestled on his chest; and pulled the covers over them, placing a soft kiss on a forehead.

As they both fell into a fitful sleep Jordan thought about how he was going to make this right. He was prepared to beg and grovel to get her back. She was still badly broken and it wasn't going to be easy but he was going to do whatever it takes to win her trust and her love back. Starting from today.