Chapter 166 - What I Fear Is A Life Without Her

The briny sea breeze swept through the open windows of the rooftop house, caressing the frozen figure of the young man sitting on the wooden floor of the living room. His obsidian black orbs appeared like dead fishes, lacking its usual liveliness as he continued to stare at Li Qin who sat there, miserably.

He was the kid whom she cherished and loved more than her own child. How can she push him to death?

"Aunt Li," Lee Tae Yang called her in a soft voice, "Even if I address you like that, your position in my life is nothing lesser than my mom. With all due respect and love, I will refuse to listen to you," he made his decision.

"I love Li Juan and I will continue to-"

"Why can't you understand what I am saying?" Li Qin exploded in anger and pain. She advised him for his own good and yet he refuses to nudge from his decision. "No matter how much you love her, she is going to ruin your life and kill you." 

"I am not scared of death, what I fear is a life without Xiao Li," His words held the weight of unconditional love and care as he explained,

"She loves me. She trusts me with her life. How can I leave her when she treats me as her family? If her curse would kill me, then I will live the rest of the life with her as if it's my last day, so please...please don't ask me to break up with Xiao Li," Lee Tae Yang kneeled before Li Qin,

"I can't...I will not do it,"

"Yangyang, no truth can be hidden forever. One day or another, Lili is going to find that she is the reason for your parent's death...She is the one who killed her father and ruined everyone's lives. Do you think she will be able to live peacefully after confronting the truth?" Li Qin whimpered,

"Living one's life with self-blame and regret is nothing but a torturous hell. The more you become closer to her, the pain you both have to go through will be excruciating." She stopped for a moment and asked directly,

"Are you going to force yourselves to live in torment for the rest of your life or will you let go of Lili and lessen her penance?"

"I am sorry aunt Li," He voiced in an apologetic tone, "I made a promise to Xiao Li, that I will always be with her. Even if we are fated to live a torturous life, I will never leave her alone,"

Li Qin stared at him in sombre silence,

The stubbornness and persistent in Lee Tae Yang's nature reminded her of late husband, who made a foolish decision in the name of love and died in vain,

Lee Tae Yang also chooses to travel the same path.

"Mamma, open the door," Li Juan's cheerful voice along with continuous doorbells brought them back to reality,

"I am coming," Li Qin called and wiped her tears, "I hope you would keep this conversation between us," She stood up and headed towards the door to let Li Juan inside,

"Why did you take so long?" She puffed and handed over the packet into her mother's hand before heading towards Lee Tae Yang who was sitting in the same position as she left him. 

The only difference in his posture was the plushie toy in his hand and the photographs in other.

"Mamma, why did you show him my childhood photos? I look like a potato in it," She complained in a low voice,

"He is your boyfriend and it is normal for him to be curious about your childhood photos,"

Li Juan pouted her lips in disagreement and rushed to the couch,

"Don't look at these pictures," she picked up the photographs and put them back in the box.

" But you look cute," He said with doting eyes,

" What cute? I looked like I am going to murder someone," She tried to snatch the plushie toy from him, however, he tightened the grip over it, "What are you doing? Give it to me..,"

Lee Tae Yang lowered his gaze on to the plushie toy, every single detailing on the toy indicated the amount of hard work Li Juan has did to make it. A pang of jealousy hit him hard,

"I will make something else for you," She tried to coax and took the plushie away from him,

"Are you having a day-off?" Li Qin tried to change the topic,

"No, my shift starts around 11..,"

" Oh, then I will prepare the meal as soon as possible," She said and moved towards the kitchen.

Lee Tae Yang stood up from the couch and walked towards Li Juan who was stuffing the box into the shelf,

His eyes closely studied the contents of the laminated certificates on the shelf,

"Do you want to see my room?" 

He nodded enthusiastically and followed Li Juan to her room,

The shelves, the floor, table every nook and corner of the room were filled with thick stacks of books and sticky notes.

"Woahhhh you really worked hard for your studies," Lee Tae Yang couldn't help but praise her.

"Did you forget that exams are starting next week?" Li Juan chortled and lowered her voice all at once, "What happened while I am away? Did she scold you?" 

"Your mother loves you a lot," He replied and ruffled her hair,

"That's what you two talked about?"

"Hmmm," Lee Tae Yang hummed along and picked up a diary resting on the top of her books, "Dream diary," He read out the title, "what's this?"

"Didn't you tell me to write down all the dreams I am having?" 

"Oh yeah," 

While Li Juan was hospitalized she always had bizarre dreams and nightmares. He asked her to record it down to examine her mental conditions. But he didn't expect that she will continue to do so,

"Can I take a look?"

"Huh, of course,"

He opened the diary and read through the contents. Most of her dreams were about death and being alone,

It was agonizing to read, Lee Tae Yang shut the book with a thud sound and locked Li Juan in a tight embrace, dropping his head on the nook of her shoulder,

"Yangyang what are you doing? Mamma is there," She struggled inside his arms,

"Throw this away," He raised his head and demanded with a reprimanding tone, "Don't you dare to dream such things,"

"Aigooo my poor baby," Li Juan cupped his sulky face in her palms, "These are just dreams, it is not going to happen in real life,"

"I don't care, throw it away...," He wobbled his head adamantly, "ah..let's do something...I will keep this with me,"

"Hmm, take this with you,"

"Xiao Li, promise me that you won't think about being lonely," Lee Tae Yang asked again for confirmation, "You have me...I will always stay with you,"

"Hmm," She tiptoed and pressed her cool lips on his cheeks, "I know, so be a good boy and let me go...I have to go and help Mamma,"

Li Juan smiled warmly and led him back to the living room.

After having breakfast with Li Juan and her mother, Lee Tae Yang left for his work. Li Qin even packed lunch for him along with Chi Yan and Hao Ren, like a loving mother. 

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In the resting room for the resident doctors, Lee Tae Yang sat alone and stared at Li Juan's smiling photograph in his cell phone, his mind dwelling into the childhood memories.

In his memories, the day of Li Juan's 100th day of birth still remained fresh as if it happened yesterday. He clearly remembered how his grandma shouted at aunt Li and called her an evil bringer.

All these years, he believed that the person whom his grandma hated was aunt Li, but in reality, it was Li Juan who brought misfortune to their family.

The cursed child who killed her son and daughter in law.

Is that why grandma tried to take him away from her?

Is that why no one allowed him to look for her? 

But how can anyone tag her as a cursed child?

How can a newborn baby bring misfortune? How can they say that she killed his parents and her own father?

What kind of baseless accusation is that?

Countless questions were boiling in his mind and Lee Tae Yang didn't even notice that Hao Ren entered the room.

"Go and sleep on the bed," Hao Ren shook Lee Tae Yang's shoulder and woke him from thoughts,

"Aren't you from Jing city?" Lee Tae Yang asked all of sudden, "Where did you study?"

"I went to Golden larch," He took a seat a replied casually,

"Do you know anyone who went to Silver Oak high school in Jing city?" 

"Why are you suddenly interested in Silver Oak. Are you planning to transfer your brother there?" Hao Ren inquired,

"Xiao Li went to that school," 

"As expected from a genius," He scoffed,

Lee Tae Yang narrowed his eyes in curiosity,

"There are only two kinds of kids get into that school. Highly intelligent kids like Xiao Li or insane filthy rich brats like you. Their criteria for selection are sky-high, even normal wealthy kids like me cannot get into it," He laughed sarcastically, "These damn class divisions,"

"While studying there, Xiao Li was always bullied by her classmates and something terrible happened to her which made them leave Jing city and move to S city,"

"Do you want me to look into it?" Hao Ren suggested,  "I personally don't know anyone who went to silver Oak, but since our schools were rivals there might be someone who knows about the nasty truths about Silver Oak. I can still ask around,"

"Hmm, can you please look into something else for me?" Lee Tae Yang's magnetic voice quivered in angst as he tried to spat out the words,

"Xiao Li...had...a boyfriend,"

Hao Ren was taken aback for a moment. Is he talking about the Li Juan he knows, that little girl who is devoted to Lee Tae Yang? 

"She used to be pretty close to him and-" Lee Tae Yang couldn't speak anymore. Even the slightest idea of Li Juan being closer to another man was unacceptable for him. 

" I will go home this weekend and gather information in person," Hao Ren proposed when he noticed his friend's agitated expression.

"I am also planning to go home, I have to look into something as well," Lee Tae Yang added in a firm voice.

He must go home and ask grandma about the truth about Li Juan's birth chart and the stupid curse everyone trying to inflict on an innocent girl. 

"If you go home this weekend then what about Xiao Li? Her exams are going to start on Monday and it can be stressful for her, you have to be with her," Hao Ren reminded him as a matter of fact. 

Yes, he must stay with her. 

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The high school graduation exams were known as the toughest and mentally straining examinations which decide the future of a student in C country. This four-hour exam taken in three days is very challenging and only 40% of students pass it the first time. The exam tests the students' skills and knowledge in languages, math, science and a few other optional subjects. According to their results, they will then be admitted to top universities, regular universities, or institutions which operate on a provincial level.

On those three days of exams, Lee Tae Yang picked up Li Juan from home and accompanied her to the exam centre along with her mother. Even though he was busy with his work, he made sure to support Li Juan who was going through one of the toughest periods of her life. 

"Aunt Li," Lee Tae Yang called Li Qin as he prepared to leave for the hospital, after dropping Li Juan at her exam centre.

Li Qin looked at him with a gentle smile, 

After their conversation about Li Juan and her curse, she never brought up that topic again. He made his decision and there is no point in advising him again.

Lee Tae Yang picked up a nicely wrapped square box from his car and gave to Li Qin. 

"What's this?" 

"Please keep this in your shelf,"  He suggested with a pleasant smile, " I will take leave then," 

He started his car and drove off. 

Li Qin opened the box found a laminated photo of Li Juan beside picturesque meadow filled with flowers. 

The golden sunlight elevated her natural beauty into an exquisite countenance. But more than anything else, what captured Li Qin's eyes was the wide smile on her Li Juan's face.

Even she hasn't witnessed such a bright grin on her daughter's face. 

An overwhelming sensation raised from her heart and filled Li Qin's eyes with tears as she looked up into the sky,

"Punish me for her sins...take my life but please don't make my kids suffer anymore,"

She begged the heavens and wiped her eyes,

But unfortunately, nobody heard her prayers. 

That afternoon, Luo Ben Cheng's consulting room in the first hospital received a call from the emergency ward.

Yun Xian who was known for her stern and stubborn demeanour, quivered in shock as she reported in a trembling voice,

"Professor Luo, Li Juan had a relapse,"