Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

"Are you serious? You're crazy and get out of my house!" I yelled at him and he was taken aback. I slid off his lap and pointed to the door.

"Brylee, I love you" he repeated again and I laughed. He was crazy

"And you thought I would actually love you back?"

Just Kidding ! :)

I sat in his lap frozen and I just stared at him. I didn't know what to say. What does someone say to that? I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out so I closed my mouth again, and then tried again yet nothing. I kept doing it and I'm pretty sure I looked like an idiot right now.

Did I just hear him right? Did he say what I thought he just said?

My mind was just blank right now, and I knew I had to say something. The look in his eyes said that he as taking a risk telling me this, and that he wasn't kidding. He was dead serious, and he looked so vulnerable it make my heart beat speed up.

"What?" I finally squeaked out.

Nice response Brylee, you idiot! My mind yelled at me, but I didn't know what else to say.

He sighed and looked away from me for a second before returning his eyes to mine, they looked so unsure and the confidence I always saw from him was gone now.

"Brylee, I love you." he repeated and i sucked in a breath.

What do I say to that? I don't want to hurt him, hurting him was the last thing I would want to do, but I'm not going t lie to him either. But what was the truth?

I cared about him so much. He's been there for me through everything; he's taken care of me and backed me up. He's always been an amazing friend to Riley, my parents absolutely adored him.

I've gone over this in my mind so many times, but this would be the most important time I would ever do it. if I told him I didn't love him it would crush him, if I told him I did I would have to be sure.

I trusted him with my life, I trusted him as much as I trusted Riley. I knew Chase wouldn't lie to me, I knew he wouldn't cheat on me, I knew he would do everything he could to make me happy.

But would it work? I didn't want to try and ruin the friendship we had and the boys had because I was being selfish. But how am I going to know if I don't try? How do I know that Chase isn't the one I was always supposed to be with, that I've been waiting for.

He's selfish and a jackass sometimes, he was funny and annoying; he was irritating and made me want to pull my hair out of my head. He was a mess and unorganized, he couldn't cook to save his life; and when he tried if looked like a bomb went off in the kitchen.

But everyone has their flaws and I didn't mind his, they made him the person he was and I loved the person he was.

But did I love him?

What was love? How do you know if you're in love?

Love is putting someone first, knowing their flaws and loving them anyways, wanting them to be happy no matter if it's with you or not, caring about them so much it hurts, wanting to be with them forever.

Love is looking into your future and feeling sick with pain at the fact that they won't be there.

Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to.

Love is messy and complicated. It's beautiful and amazing. Love is simple. Love is the best and worst feeling.

I watched Chase as he moved around my room grabbing his clothes, I didn't even noticed he moved, I must have been spacing out.

He wouldn't look at me as he slid his boxers on and then his shirt.

It hurt to watch him leave like this. it hurt me that I was hurting him right now, and it hurt me to know that as soon as he walked out that door that things would never be what they are.

We would be back to avoiding each other, only he would be the one avoiding me this time. We wouldn't have that joking around relationship, we wouldn't be the same. But we would never be the same after this anyways. And it was up to me to decide how this was going to play out.

He loved me.

He would walk away right now if it would be what I wanted. He would give this all up if it made me happy. He already told me that he loved me so much it hurt.

I was honestly surprised that he told me he loved me, let alone that he has for years, but thinking about it, I don't doubt that he does. All those things that love is, he felt for me

I watched him walk out of my bedroom and my heart hurt.

I jumped up from my bed and grabbed his dress shirt he left behind and pulled it on and buttoned it as I ran into the living room.

"Chase" I went to yell but it only came out as a whisper but he heard me, I didn't want him to leave like this. He froze with his hand on the handle but didn't turn to face me. "I'm sorry" I whispered again and my voice broke. I wrapped my arms around my body to try to in some way protect myself.

He turned around and his eyes softened at my tears.

"It's okay Brylee." I let out a growl of frustration

"It's not okay" I snapped and he gave me a weak smile. He stepped towards me and wiped the tears that were falling down my face, out of instinct I leaned into his touch.

"It's really okay, I'll see you at work." He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes basking in the security it brought to me, I felt a single drop drip onto my skin on my hairline and I bit my lip to stop from crying again.

And then the touch, the warmth, the security was all gone.

I opened my eyes to see him walking out the door and it all hit me like I had the wind knocked out of me. He left and I was hurting. I was hurting him and I was hurting me because I'm too damn scared to let him in.

I opened the door and saw his back walking down the path to the front of the house.

"Chase" I called out to him again and like before he froze but didn't turn around, I walked closer to him and he tensed up

"Yes?" he whispered

"Please don't do" I pleaded with him.

"Brylee, I have to go."

"I'm begging you not to" I couldn't even look at his back right now.

"I can't."

"Why?" I asked. Stupid question but I decided to ask it anyways.

"It hurts too much right now to see you." and there was his honestly again. He tensed when I placed a hand on his back "Don't" pulled away from me and it felt like a slap to the face.

And he continued to walk away, and it felt like more than just from my house. It felt like he was going to walk out of my life. I don't know if that's irrational to think but it's just how I felt right now.

"Chase, please don't leave. Please don't" but he kept walking and I followed

"Chase please" my voice broke to which he stopped and sucked in a breath

"Why, why can't I leave?" he asked frustrated. And I didn't blame him for being frustrated with me, I was frustrated with myself. I was being selfish and stupid right now and I knew it.

"I'm scared." I said so low I could barely hear myself.

I'm scared to feel, I'm scared to let him know what I feel, I'm scared to feel something so new, I'm scared I'm not good enough, I'm scared that I can't make him happy enough, and I'm just scared that I'm not everything he deserves.

"Of what?" he turned to finally face me and I avoided his eyes. The hurt in them was too much to look at right now. I felt ashamed of myself right now.

Every time I thought about the future there were five people who were always in those thoughts. Four of which were family and the fifth standing in front of me. I couldn't imagine life without Chase in it.

"Of what, Brylee?" and when I wouldn't look at him he sighed in frustration.

"I'm scared of how much I love you. Of how much I need you in my life"

And there was the truth. I was scared of just how much I loved him already. Of how much he meant to me. I loved my parents more than anything in the whole world and they were ripped from my life. I will never see them again. The pain is still there every single day.

How could I love Chase this much when he could be taken from me too?

"Brylee" he pulled me against him

"What if something happens to you? I can't deny how much I love my family, but with you, it would be easier not to love you, because it's one more person I could lose."

"Baby, you can't be afraid to lose people like that or you're never going to be happy in life. You can't push people away. Haven't you hear it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?" I nodded because Riley told me that all the time.

"Please don't leave" I whispered again and he rested his head on top of mine.

"I'm right here."He picked me up and brought me into the house again.

"How about you take a shower and clean up and I'll cook"

"You're going to cook?" I asked him

"Well order takeout" he shrugged and I laughed.

"I love you're 'cooking'"

"I know you do, it's the best. I can 'cook' anything!" I laughed "You're beautiful, and even more so when you laugh" for some reason the comment made me blush.

"Chinese?" I asked changing the subject back to dinner.

"Whatever you want, for a price." his eyes were burning into mine.

"What if I don't agree to the price?" I asked

"I'll order Mexican"

"Gross!" I complained. He knew my hatred for that food.

"Then I guess you have no choice" his lips brushed against mine and I lost my breath again.

"Okay, what's the price I have to pay?" I asked him and leaned forward to press my lips to his but he pulled back, teasing me.

His hand touched my face gently

"I love you, Brylee." His breath fanned across my face "Tell me you love me too."

"I love you too Chase." And I did. He smiled as he finally kissed me. It was just a short sweet kiss and it was perfect.

thought about letting him leave, but i decided that i can't let poor Chase suffer like that. so her little doubt stage was shortened.. a lot :)

Oh and just because she loves him back doesn't mean that there isn't some fun sexiness coming. :) got an idea for a little... game in the next few chapters for Chase and Brylee to play :)

May 30,2014

Had to add on, i love all your comments about the way this started, i know mean but i'm hoping none of you actually had heart attacks, hearts stopping or threw your phones. i love you all! you're the best fans ever!