Chapter 114: A wall

'Huh?' Desire couldn't help but be struck dumbfounded when he heard what Lionel said.

'Death? What the...'

After all, what Lionel said was just so...unexpected and something unbelievable that even Desire couldn't help but be confused.

However, when Lionel spoke once more, those thoughts of Desire disappeared.

Well, he wanted to listen to Lionel intentively as he didn't want to miss anything.

"That's right. Death. Well, it's something like that."

"I don't know how to say it correctly, but...hmm..."

Lionel was having a hard time explaining things to his disciple.

After all, Lionel never had any disciple before. And he didn't have to explain things to anyone else.

The Refreshing technique was his alone, and there was no one else who knew this.

And there was no one else who he handed down this technique, which is why he didn't have any experience of explaining things.

That was why he was having a hard time doing such a simple task.

Besides, the only thing that fits the first stage of Refreshing is exactly just what he said.

It was death.

"Hmmm...how do I say this..."

"You have your senses gone now, but you could still think, right?"

"The next thing you would do to complete the first stage is to stop your thinking, which is why it's called Death."

"Did you understand that, little bastard?"

Lionel said, and his voice resounded out in Desire's mind.

And because of that, Desire had quite the dumbfounded look even though he was inside himself.

After all, that explanation was just...plain shit. It was terribly bad, and it was something one wouldn't expect from a master.

'I could think a term better than death...' Desire thought.

Desire could think other terms better than death to describe something like a state where he didn't have his senses, and he couldn't think.

For example, Desire could say that it is the same as sleeping.

When one sleeps, their senses are gone, and they don't think.

At least, that's what Desire knows what happens to him when he sleeps.

However, that was not the point of this whole thing, and Desire knew that as well.

Desire trusted Lionel as much as he trusted Jarina. Even if Lionel's words were confusing and whatnot, he would still do it.

That was why Desire immediately went to work.

Since he was finished with making his senses gone, it was now time to make himself unable to think.

However, Desire quickly hit a wall with that job.

After all, it wasn't easy to make one unable to think when one is aware or awake.

'How do I do this...' Desire thought.

And it was then that Desire's Heavenly Demon Trait worked.

It started working, and Desire was able to remember a time when he did that.

No, he didn't exactly do that, and it was just the result of many things happening.

And that time was...

'The Burning Air Trial!'

When Desire was undergoing the Burning Air Trial, Desire experienced hell.

It was to the point that Desire couldn't take it and just passed out straight.

However, before Desire passed out, there was a time that Desire was awake.

He was awake, and at the same time, he was not awake.

He was thinking, and at the same time, he was not thinking.

He was aware, and at the same time, he was not aware.

And that point was when he felt everything crash down on him.

And because the Heavenly Demon Trait was working perfectly fine now, Desire knew what to do with this information.

'Right...I can do it with this...' Desire thought as he started working.

There is only one way for Desire to be able to make himself unable to think.

And that was....

'I need to make myself reach that point again!'

What Desire was thinking about was how he would make himself feel the same pain that he felt last time.

If he were able to feel it, he would be able to have the same state he had back then.

Although it was such an extreme way of doing it, Desire was confident of being able to do it.

After all, Desire remembers everything there is if he had his consciousness.

And Desire had his consciousness at that time.

That was why Desire was able to 'feel' it once more. He was able to feel the pain that he felt when he reached that state.

And the moment he felt it, Desire shouted in his mind.

'ARGHHHHH!!!'

Desire was once more feeling the pain that he got in the Burning Air Trial.

He was reliving his memories to achieve that state.

However, no matter how much time took him, Desire was still able to think.

After all, Desire could tell that he was feeling the pain.

'Not enough!' Desire thought as he tried to make himself feel it.

However, as if it were all just a waste of effort, Desire was still fine.

After all, there's just no way that this extreme way would work.

And it was then that the Heavenly Demon Trait did its wonders once more.

Desire was able to remember something else that was important to make him gain that state once more.

And that was...

'Despair...I'm not feeling the desperation that I needed back then.'

The fact that Desire could still calculate and weigh pros and cons means that he knew that he would be alive.

After all, the pain that Desire was feeling was all in his head. It wasn't real.

And Desire knew that very well.

'That's the difference from back then...'

Desire was desperate and lost all hope when he reached that awake and not awake state.

That was why Desire wanted to feel the same despair that he had back then.

However, unfortunately for Desire, the pain that he felt from back then overshadows the despair that he felt.

It was strange that it doesn't come together, but that was just how it worked.

'I hit a wall...' Desire thought as he remained in those memories of him being burned alive.