Chapter 44

“……” Shunian looked at him in a dazed way. He breathed, and the white fog spread in the air. The field of vision seems to be a paste, the background has become a color block, nothing can be seen clearly, only his appearance is clear as usual.

The majestic rain seemed to break the line, and the world quieted down.

Reading can only hear the heart beating sound, enlarged in the mind, over all her reason. At this moment, she doesn't want to think about anything, and doesn't want to make herself tremble in front of important people.

Do not want to like a person's rights, with so many conditions.

She just wanted to listen to her heart, grab his hand, smile at him, and tell him honestly -

don't chase, I like you, too.

I secretly like you for a period of time, but I'm worried that what you like is other people. I'm worried that you don't like me, so I dare not tell you. I'm afraid that you will stay away from me when you know.

I'm glad you like me, too.

I'm very happy.

Shunian wanted to tell him that.

That's what she wanted to tell him.

But when a person has been cowardly for a long time, it is extremely difficult to summon up courage again. She will think a lot, imagine hundreds of possibilities in the future, and fear that future.

Because of the desire to impulse, in exchange for may not be a new way out.

It's a dark tunnel with no end.

It's the darkness that belongs to her. She shouldn't pull Xie Ruhe.

He just likes her and has no obligation to be her savior.

Shunian gave up that answer and looked at him. His eyelashes trembled and his round eyes were covered with mist on the rainy day. She pinched her sleeve tightly, her chest was blocked up and her throat choked inexplicably.

He should be rejected.

The most sensible thing to do is to refuse him.

As long as this feeling is interrupted in time, as long as this symptom is cut off, the possible unhappiness in the future will not happen again.

Xie Ruhe didn't seem to be aware of what she was going to say next. He still looked at her, patient and gentle, with some tension and unnaturalness. He was as astringent as a big boy.

Shunian was speechless.

If she refused him and told him not to do this kind of thing again, he would be unhappy. His emotion has always been introverted, it must be her first show signs of like, he would say such words.

Shunian doesn't want to make Xie Ruhe's courage worthless because of her timidity.

She didn't want to.

Probably because she didn't respond for a long time, Xie Ruhe gradually understood her meaning. He touched his neck and looked at the rain outside. He said: "the rain is small, I'll take you back first."

“……” The awkward atmosphere dispersed in a flash.

Xie Ruhe dropped his eyes and wanted to open the umbrella.

The next moment, shunian suddenly grabbed his wrist.

Xie Ruhe stopped and looked at her.

"It is..." Shunian doesn't know what to say. He just thinks that we can't just turn this thing over. He also wants to try his best. She wanted to tell him all that she wanted to say, all that she wanted to say.

Xie Ruhe is still waiting.

Shunian sniffed and gently released his hand. Those feelings she did not dare to tell, dare not confess, in the end only extremely humble said: "is I have a mental illness. "

“……”

She also wants to fight for herself once.

I can't do it anyway.

If not, there seems to be no loss.

Shunian hung his head, his voice was very low, like a timid little kitten: "I think you can think about it again Do you like me... "

Hearing the speech, Xie Ruhe was stunned.

"I don't think I got it wrong." Shunian was so nervous that his palms were sweating that he didn't make any sense. "That's what you mean by chasing me."

Xie Ruhe's Adam's apple slipped down and suddenly called her: "shunian."

"Well, well?" Shunian didn't dare to look at him. He added in a low voice, "it doesn't matter if you mind..."

Xie Ruhe asked hoarsely, "can you tell me what's wrong with you?"

“PTSD。” Shunian honestly explained, "it's post-traumatic stress disorder."

Post traumatic stress disorder.

Trauma.

Xie Ruhe didn't know about the disease and didn't know its severity. But before reading, he always felt that something bad had happened, so bad that he didn't dare to think about it.

Thinking that she had experienced such a desperate situation, Xie Ruhe could hardly breathe.

"Shunian, what happened to you." Xie Ruhe made her voice as gentle as possible and didn't frighten her as much as possible, "can you tell me?"

Shunian was silent for a few seconds and shook his head.

Xie Ruhe understood all her concerns and did not continue to ask, "OK. It's too cold outside. Go back first. ""You will not be happy." Shunian suddenly said, "I don't want you to be unhappy."

Xie Ruhe stretched out his hand to open the umbrella. Thinking that he had heard wrong, he repeated it like a question: "will I be unhappy?"

She's not the only one with that scar.

After saying it, you may uncover Xie Ruhe's scar.

That's not the scene she wants to see.

Shunian suddenly thought of the first and only time he saw Xie Ruhe shed tears. She was a little distracted, nodded subconsciously and murmured, "you've always been like this."

I hope that any suffering will not entangle you.

You can laugh freely, meet the people you want to see, do the things you want to do; you will no longer be tortured by nightmares, no longer fall into the abyss, no longer recall that scene.

May you get rid of hell and have a new life.

No more memories of the past, no more people who make you feel pain.

I won't listen to other people mention your painful memories.

On New Year's Eve, Ji Xiangning left Xie Ruhe's house with Xie Ruhe and moved to the apartment at the corner of the street. While she is thinking about going back to Ruchuan to find Ji Xinghuai, she is talking about the divorce with Xie Ji.

For the sake of a man who is not worth it, Ji Xiangning breaks off contact with his family and never gets in touch with his father who regards himself as the apple of his eye. She hesitated for a long time, still did not make up her mind to call Ji Xinghuai.

Ji Xiangning respected Xie Ruhe's opinions and discussed with him. Finally, he decided to take him to Ruchuan city after his senior one.

Xie Ruhe told shunian about it.

At that time, the mood of reading was always stuffy.

On the one hand, she is happy for Xie Ruhe. She can leave this place, go to a better environment, and learn her favorite music. On the other hand, she feels reluctant and sad because he is about to leave.

Aware of her emotions, Xie Ruhe didn't say much, just told her: "don't be unhappy, I will come to you."

On the other side.

From Ji Xiangning's attitude, Xie Ji realized the seriousness of the matter and became frightened and worried.

He was extremely afraid that Ji Xiangning would leave him.

In the past, no matter how serious things happened, no matter how much Xie Ji hurt her, no matter how ugly she said, Ji Xiangning never mentioned the word "divorce".

For a long time, Xie Ji thought that Ji Xiangning had no bottom line for her.

She's the only one who can stand everything.

Xie Ji begged her many times, only to kneel down. But Ji Xiangning's attitude is firm, looking at his eyes, there is no previous obsession and love, only a pool of stagnant water.

The tug of war lasted for nearly two months. Xie Ji even forced him to die, but it was still useless.

Finally, Xie Ji compromised.

They agreed to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau for divorce.

But that day, Xie Ruhe returned to the apartment after school, but did not see Ji Xiangning. He waited until dark at home and felt something was wrong and called her.

But I got the message that the other party's mobile phone was turned off.

Xie Ruhe called Xie Ji and learned that he had drunk all night yesterday, but he was still drunk and didn't go to the Civil Affairs Bureau at all.

His eyelids straight jump, inexplicably have a bad premonition, selfishly to Ji Xiangning may go to the place to find a circle.

Still not found.

At that time, Xie Ruhe was just a child.

In this case, he didn't know how to do it. He only knew that he wanted to ask adults for help. But his father was so drunk that he had to go to his grandparents for help.

But his grandparents were still dissatisfied with Ji Xiangning's divorce, saying that he made a fuss.

Tell him, don't worry, Ji Xiangning will go back later.

Xie Ruhe felt uneasy, so he went to shunian.

It's such a big town that you can't find people. Besides, Ji Xiangning has always been a very organized person. She will consider many things and won't let others worry.

After hearing what he said, shunian was also worried. He immediately ran home to tell Deng Qingyu.

Although Deng Qingyu didn't like shunian playing with Xie Ruhe, she was also worried about what had happened. She took her two children to the police station and told the general situation.

Although Xie Ruhe hopes it's just that he thinks too much.

Maybe Ji Xiangning just lost his cell phone power, stayed in the supermarket for too long, or couldn't wait for the small bus in the town, or met someone he knew and talked more.

But that's not the case.

Things seem to be going to the worst.

That night, Ji Xiangning did not go home, and there was no news at all.

When he was still in school, Xie Ruhe didn't go to school directly, looking for Ji Xiangning everywhere. Shunian understood his feelings, and resolutely skipped class and followed him to find out.

Although they stayed together, they hardly had any conversation.Shunian didn't know how to comfort him, and didn't dare to tell him that other people were discussing his mother's disappearance. They said that maybe the killer who killed Chen Xiang caught Ji Xiangning.

I will think of that big event for no reason.

After all, so far, the killer has not been caught.

A week later, the rumors came true.

The police finally got the news that Ji Xiangning's body was found beside the garbage can on the other side of Wenhua street.

Shunian followed Xie Ruhe to the scene and accompanied him. She accompanied him through that hard time, and never forget what he looked like when he saw Ji Xiangning lying on the ground.

At that moment, Xie Ruhe completely collapsed, uttered a desperate cry in his throat, hysterical, tears fell down, like blood. He seemed to have no idea of living, and the look in his eyes disappeared in an instant.

It was the first time shunian saw him cry.

A 16-year-old boy is about to get rid of his demon like father and family, and live a good life with his mother who has suffered so much.

There will be a new life soon.

Ji Xiangning left the world in this way before his eyes.

At that time, Xie Ji was also nearby. Seeing Ji Xiangning's body, he couldn't believe that he was stunned in the same place. Then he knelt down to the ground and burst into tears.

Noticing his existence, Xie Ruhe's eyes suddenly rushed to him and grabbed him by the neck. He was angry all over.

My mind is full of what Xie Ji said to Ji Xiangning on New Year's Eve.

"You're crazy. Get out of here! I tell you! Don't fuck me with that dog man next door, you have to dare to betray me! I'll kill you! I'll kill you directly! "

Xie Ruhe's eyes are red, and the hatred in his eyes seems to die with Xie Ji. He bit his teeth and said, "did you kill her?"

Xie Ruhe sent shunian downstairs.

Along the way, they had no other conversation. Xie Ruhe didn't go upstairs with shunian, so he stood outside the gate and looked at her as if he wanted to see her enter the door before leaving.

Shunian pursed his lips and groped for the key in the bag.

She stood in the same place, thinking has been put on her asked Xie ruhejie whether she has mental illness, but he did not answer the matter. Shunian thought that after today, she would not have the courage to mention it again.

Shunian can't help looking back.

Xie Ruhe was still standing at the gate downstairs, wearing a self-cultivation coat and looking at her quietly.

They are opposite, one high and one low.

Seeing her look, Xie Ruhe asked, "what's the matter?"

Shunian shook his head: "it's OK."

Maybe it's the bewitching of the night. Shunian always feels a little unwilling, although she thinks that the distance is the most suitable for two people.

After a pause, she took a deep breath and repeated: "what I just said, you can go back and think about it I think it doesn't matter what your choice is... "

I just feel that I can fight for myself now.

When I think about it in the future, I may not regret it so much.

Xie Ruhe's look suddenly reminds me of it. He put the things in his mind behind him, walked over and stood a staircase away from shunian.

Scared by his sudden approach, shunian said: "you don't have to rush to answer me..."

Xie Ruhe lowered his eyes, eyes deep and bright: "I can only go back to consider it?"

Shunian said cautiously, "it's not. You can do it if you don't want to..."

Xie Ruhe raised her hand and hooked the key in her hand with her slender fingertips. He looks like a meal, seems to feel a bit speechless, but soon recovered his look, voice down, inexplicable ambiguous.

"Can't I go to your house and think about it?"