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July 16, 1999, Friday

Manila, Philippines

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Dear God:

I need someone to talk to. My feelings toward Adelan is just , maybe, like friends because he treated me as his friend. When I take a look at Bradley, I noticed that my feelings towards him does not yet fade. I found out that he already knew about it. Lord, I wanted to cry and cry out of shame. Because I am looking like a foolish in the front of him. And, hoping that someday, we would be together. Lord, I wish he did not exist tome because I am afraid what might be happened next. God, help me with this problem, and I don't want to happen it again. Yes, it is not bad to admire someone but it is hard for me to hope that I will be close to him. This is final! I hope I will not experience this again. Hope that he is not exist to me.

Amen.

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