Chapter 363 - Drunken Stooges

BRIEF RECAP: Prince Yi's finally in jail under charges of treason... Princess Nalan is pregnant with Yi's love child and is currently under house arrest in the palace after gate-crashing the Emperor and LX's send-off party for the newly appointed Princesses (former concubines) to announce their marriage and baby on the way plans... Tung Mei (Xiao Ying/ Doc Lou's adopted daughter) has lost her memories after messing with things beyond her powers and the doc has gone to solve her issue... Empress dowager is finally GONE to go look for the solution to her mental health in some remote temple far far away...and well XT suddenly showed up with a lost Tung Mei at Lei Xing's door and we continue from there~.....

*****

Meanwhile, back at the Empress's palace, the mood had taken a turn for the better. Lei Xing had ordered wine and began a drinking session to try to comfort her guests and liven the mood. In the process, she had comforted herself a bit too much. 

Tung Mei put down her empty bowl - Lei Xing had decided somewhere along the lines that cups were too "limiting" and had ordered bowls. Lei Xing immediately went to task refilling Tung Mei's bowl, "Here Ying Yang, have some more. Don't worry about that crappy person, he's not worth the time. Hiccup!" Lei Xing put her hand over her mouth and blinked at Tung Mei and then started giggling, "Sorry hehe - hiccup! Hehehehe~"

Tung Mei weakly smiled, "Thank you, Your maje-"

Lei Xing slammed the jug on the table and glared at Tung Mei, "I told you to stop calling me that! You're giving me goosebumps!" 

"Goosebumps~" Xiao Ting echoed, raising her bowl and peering into it, "checking" to see if the wine was truly finished. 

"See, you're scaring little Ting Ting." Lei Xing said, leaning over and hugging Xiao Ting, who dutifully played the role of "scared" and wrapped her arms around Lei Xing's waist and sniffed as if she was going to cry again. Lei Xing patted her head and two of them looked at Tung Mei with disgruntled pouts.

Tung Mei's face twitched and she plastered on a smile. She picked up her bowl and raised it to them and said, "Xing jie -"

Before Tung Mei could react, Lei Xing threw an arm around her neck and pulled her into the hug, sending the bowl of wine clattering to the floor. 

"There we go, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" Lei Xing jovially asked. Tung Mei frowned and tried to loosen Lei Xing's grip around her neck without upsetting Her drunk royal majesty. 

"Ying jie~" Xiao Ting went, stretching her arms to include Tung Mei in her hug. Lei Xing laughed, Xiao Ting giggled and Tung Mei looked to the ceiling wondering 'why me?'. 

Tung Mei had just realized that she must have been an avid drinker because they had been drinking for a long while now and had gone through several jugs. And while Lei Xing and Xiao Ting were clearly high, giggling at nothing and everything, Tung Mei was completely sober - in fact, she might as well have been drinking water. 

Being the only sober person amongst drunk people was a hard job.

"From now on, It's gonna be just us girls!" Lei Xing declared, holding them tighter - choking Tung Mei, "We're gonna be the three amigos! Three musketeers! Three stooges - wait, I'm pretty sure those were idiots, right?" Lei Xing knit her brows in thought. 

Lei Xing shook her head, "It doesn't matter!" She then turned to Tung Me and her eyes became teary, she released Xiao Ting and then hugged Tung Mei, "My little Ying Ying, what are we going to do about your head~?" She drunkenly wailed.

"Ying jie!" Xiao Ting wailed along as she picked up Lei Xing's bowl that was full to the brim with wine and went to chug it, making sure she still hummed her cry to accompany Lei Xing's wailing.

"Um...Is it alright for your little sister to drink this much?" Tung Mei awkwardly asked, trying to divert the clingy Lei Xing's attention back to Xiao Ting. Lei Xing stilled for a moment, glanced Xiao Ting's way, and promptly turned and slapped the bowl out of Xiao Ting's hands. 

"Jie!" Xiao Ting exclaimed with disp.l.e.a.s.u.r.e.

"You're too young to drink!" Lei Xing scolded. 

"Says who?! I'm old enough to get married already!" Xiao Ting protested. 

Lei Xing grabbed Xiao Ting's face with both hands, narrowed her eyes into hers, and menacingly went, "Get married? Says who? I hear you've been receiving love letters. Who's that brat? You're a baby! Babies don't get married!"

Tung Mei, who was just recovering from the chokehold, was rubbing her neck when Lei Xing grabbed again and rocked the two girls from side to side, "We're the three babies~ It's overrated and troublesome, we're never getting married!" She declared and then began laughing like a crazy person.

Tung Mei grabbed onto Lei Xing's arm again, frowning in annoyance as she tried to save herself from being choked...again.

"Jie... Aren't you already married?" Xiao Ting asked with a pout, rubbing her sore cheek with one hand and stretching the other towards one of the jugs of wine on the table.

"Who's married?" Lei Xing asked, glaring at Xiao Ting, who quickly withdrew her hand to avoid being caught and innocently responded, "You, to the Emperor." 

Lei Xing frowned and shoved the two girls away and grabbed a jug of wine, "What Emperor? Never heard of an Emperor. There are no Emperors where I'm from. Don't need them!" She loudly proclaimed and then threw her head back, chugging the jug of wine. 

"En! No Emperors!" Xiao Ting proclaimed as well she picked up another jug and chugged along with her sister. While Tung Mei rubbed her neck and glared at the two of them. 

Meanwhile, outside the door, Xiao Ruo who had just been about to open the doors, stopped and turned to the Emperor and Lei Yong and awkwardly laughed, "The Empress likes to joke sometimes... She - they don't mean that -" 

"Who needs men?! We don't! They suck, isn't that right, stooges?!" Lei Xing's jolly voice could be heard hollering again and Xiao Ting's accompanying shout of "Right!" followed. Xiao Ruo glared at the door and then hesitantly looked at the Emperor, "...She doesn't mean that either...they, um, might have drunk a bit too muc-"

"Alcohol?" Lei Yong exclaimed, stepping towards her with a frown, "Xiao Ting too?

"Um -" Xiao Ruo jumped and then hesitantly said, "...probably?"

Lei Yong's frown deepened, "How ca-"

"Just open the doors." The Emperor interjected with a sigh before Lei Yong would take out his frustration on an innocent person. 

Xiao Ruo nodded and quickly opened the doors and they were met with the scene of Lei Xing happily squishing Xiao Ting's face and singing something in a foreign language about a person named Bink? While Xiao Ting tried to hum along and Tung Mei slowly edged her cushion away from the pair of siblings, while keeping her eyes trained on Lei Xing, trying not to get caught.

"Yo-ho-ho-ho, yo-" 

"Xing er'! How could you let Xiao Ting drink?!" Lei Yong scolded and the three in the room realized they had an audience and turned to the doors. 

Xiao Ruo promptly lowered her head and pretended not to see. She had done her job and sent all the servants away when Lei Xing started shouting nonsense, but there was nothing she could do about the Emperor. 

{...I tried my best! T_T)...}

Lei Yong tried to ignore Tung Mei's presence and fixed his eyes on Xiao Ting as he stormed into the room, but then Lei Xing suddenly shouted, "Stop!" and Lei Yong froze. Lei Xing glared at him and protectively wrapped her arms around Xiao Ting, "Don't come any closer! You, we especially don't like!"

"Don't like!" Xiao Ting echoed with a nod, glaring at him too while Tung Mei just weakly smiled at the newcomers. 

"What in the -" Lei Yong started and then let out an irritated breath and resumed walking, only for Lei Xing to throw an empty wine jug at his foot. Lei Yong jumped back to escape in time and exclaimed, "What are you doing?!"

"Next one will be on your hic - head." Lei Xing threatened, picking up another empty jug, while Xiao Ting nodded in support.

Lei Yong glanced between Tung Mei and his sisters in shock, Tung Mei weakly smiled and looked away.

{...I am not a part of this T_T)…}

The Emperor who had been ignored at the door lightly chuckled as he walked into the room, drawing attention. Lei Yong turned and glared at him while Lei Xing's face lit up, "Kai!"

The Emperor froze, stopped in his tracks and stared at her wide-eyed. She had never used his name before and it just short-circuited his brain. 

"It's good you're here, beat him up!" Lei Xing ordered, pointing the empty jug at Lei Yong as she accusingly explained, "He made our Ying Ying bash her head against the wall to forget him!"

"I did what?"

"She did what?"

Both Tung Mei and Lei Yong asked in unison, then they both paused and glanced at each other in surprise. Lei Yong frowned as guilt washed over him, and Tung Mei quickly looked away, feeling uncomfortable.

Lei Xing turned to Tung Mei and offhandedly said, "Figuratively speaking but I'm sure it was something along those lines..."

Tung Mei raised a skeptical eyebrow at her and Xiao Ting interjected, "It's true! Jiejie knows everything~" Xiao Ting said, looking at Lei Xing with twinkling eyes.

Lei Xing snickered and turned to Xiao Ting, "That's right! It happened, we saw it~" Lei Xing declared, putting an arm around Xiao Ting and they both smiled at Tung Mei. 

"I see…" Tung Mei awkwardly said, it was pointless talking to drunk people. 

The two sisters then started giggling again and Lei Xing squished Xiao Ting's cheeks, "Were you always this adorable~?"

"Jiejie is the adorable one, Pretty~" Xiao Ting responded, also squishing Lei Xing's cheeks. 

Lei Xing giggled, Xiao Ting giggled, Lei Xing kissed Xiao Ting's cheek, Xiao Ting kissed Lei Xing's cheek. The two blushing girls laughed, then Lei Xing rubbed her nose against Xiao Ting's and hugged her, "I'm definitely keeping you! From now on, it'll be just you and jiejie~ We'll go sailing across the seas, see the stars, just you and me, alone forever~" She finished, petting Xiao Ting's head.