Chapter 191 - HER HONEST THOUGHTS II

"I don't know. I am not sure if I want to get married yet." Hearing her words, Travis felt like he was poured with a bucket of ice-cold water.

However, he can't blame her, too. She had been through a lot. She was just starting to open up to him and she promised to give it a serious thought. He also promised to wait for her and that he won't rush her at all. Travis walked away and went inside the study room.

Jillyanna saw that his shadow was gone. A rising panic started to take over her reasoning. She didn't want him to misunderstood anything. She wasn't done talking yet.

A tear fell on her hand and it felt cold. She removed the blanket from her body and tried standing up.

"Jillyanna? What happened? What's wrong?" Sky and Cielo started to panic while watching her.

Jenny was also worried and tried to stop her. "You don't look well. What happened?"

Jillyanna continued to cry silently while enduring the pain on her waist and back. She walked slowly towards the door with her tears falling on the cold floor. She needed to clarify some things for him. 'Why didn't you let me finish my words? Why did you leave?'

She gritted her teeth from the pain and walked out of her room. "Where are you going?" Cielo held her shoulders and asked her.

Jillyanna didn't bother herself to stop. All she wanted to do now was to find Travis and talk to him.

Travis heard the commotion outside the study room so he went out to find what was going on.

Jillyanna was crying again while walking towards him. Watching her walk while enduring the pain gripped his heart. With his long strides, he walked to her and carried her in his arms. He brought her back to their room and put her on the bed.

"Don't put me down." She demanded making Travis paused from putting her. He sat on the bed and let her sit on his lap.

"What happened? Why are you crying again?" Travis asked in distress while wiping her face. She was just fine when he left and now she was crying again.

"It's your fault." Jillyanna mumbled between sobs. "You left without hearing me!"

Travis felt that it would be a long talk. Good thing, her family was considerate and left them alone to give them space.

"What have I done to make you cry?" He was rubbing her back to comfort her.

"You were listening outside but you didn't listen until the end. You left. I don't know how much you heard from me. I don't want you to misunderstand me."

"I'm sorry. I thought it wasn't right to eavesdrop with your conversation." Travis reasoned out to her.

Jillyanna stopped crying and she wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I wanted you to hear my thoughts."

Travis sighed from his distress and helplessness towards her. "Would you like to have an honest conversation with me right now?"

Jillyanna nodded her head, hugged his neck and lean her head on his shoulder. "I want you to know that I am thinking seriously about your proposal. Even if it wasn't a grand proposal like what I saw in TV, it was still a proposal with your sincerity." She mumbled towards him while Travis rubbed her back.

"I am not rushing you. I promised I would wait."

"But while you wait, I am getting anxious. Yes I need time to think this through but I'm afraid that while I'm thinking, you'll change your mind and dump me."

"What am I suppose to do for you to stop thinking those things? Am I really that untrustworthy?"

"It's not you, okay? It's me! I just won't believe that someone will love me after knowing everything. Up until now, I still can't believe that you are back. I always thought this is just a dream and I don't want to wake up from this. Do you know how many nights I wanted to stay awake just because I didn't want to see you, to see my mom and everyone leaving me behind?"

Travis choked on the lump of emotions. He didn't know how hurt she was when she was left alone. He didn't know what she went through after she was sent to different relatives. He didn't know how many times she acted strong and fine so that she won't cause any inconvenience to her new family.

She had no one to lean on when she needed someone. She had no one to express her complaints. She was always insecure and she had been stepping on eggshells, afraid to make mistakes and be left behind again. She always do her best to repay those who were kind to her. She was afraid that she'd be alone again.

"Jillyanna Summer Xavier, when I was 10 years old, you were the only girl I like. As I grow up, I never forget you and I promised not to love someone else. At 27, you appeared again. Without knowing who you really are, you make me fall in love again. In this life time, I will only love that 5 year-old little girl in my memory and the growing 22 year-old version of her. That's the only promise I have. Marrying me or not, it won't change my love for you. Even if you want to escape, I won't let you go."

"You will only love me? What about our child?" She asked with her wide eyes.

"You and the baby is a package. She's part of you and me."

"I always feel insecure. I am unreasonable sometimes. I cry easily. I kept getting into troubles. I don't have a career now. I might grow fat during pregnancy and I might look ugly. You still won't give up on me?" She stopped sobbing already but was still hiccuping.

"I won't."

"Are you sure? You won't really betray me? You won't leave me?" she asked between hiccups.

"I won't."

"Then, let's get married."