297 Confession

"I have something I need to tell you, Nova."

At the sound of those words, the dread that Nova once felt, came rushing back into her gut, forming a knot in her stomach as she looked at Cullen with eyes mirroring the same fear she felt within.

He could see it all in her eyes and as much as he wanted to spare her fear from coming through, he knew he had to let her know, no matter what the cost maybe.

"What is it? What do you want to let me know?" Nova asked as she tried her best to face whatever it was he was going to say with a brave heart.

Cullen closed his eyes briefly, taking in a deep breath and exhaling sharply, then reopened his eyes to find her still staring at him with same eyes.

He rubbed the insides of her palms and gently caressed them to help ease the feeling of dread but whatever he did only worsened her situation as her mind told her all wasn't well.

"Nova, I love you. I love you with all my being and with all my heart. And what I am about to tell you now may change the way you see me, but even so, I still would."

Nova blinked and gulped hard. Yes, his pause was making it harder for her.

'Please do not tell me what I think it is, Cullen. Do not say it, at least not yet. It would hurt more.' Nova said in her mind.

"Nova, what I am about to say, would hurt me so much and it would hurt you. Trust me, this would be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but, I just…"

He closed his eyes once more, fighting the urge and thought for him to lie to her and pushing it to the back of his mind.

'You can do this, Cullen. Just voice it out.' He mentally prepped himself.

Even though he did that, the words felt like bile in his throat. Like heavy words of lead not meant to be spoken out.

"Nova, I am so sorry," as he spoke, tears escaped his eyelid and rolled down his cheeks.

Watching him torture himself like this was another torture for Nova as well. Before she knew it, she mirrored his action and began crying as well.

She wanted to stop him from saying those words. Her instincts already told her what it was and she knew he was truly sorry but a part of her wanted him to say it.

For him to voice it out and for the pain to take over, just so he can let the guilt out and not keep it buried inside. She held her breath in anticipation of the doom that was to come, just to prepare herself for its coming.

And when it finally came, she wasn't as prepared enough as she thought.

"I am sorry, I cheated on you." 

Nova's eyes dropped close at that minute. It felt like her whole world came crashing down on her. Like all her fears enveloped her and plunged her into eternal darkness as her heart shed tears and bled from several points.

More and more tears poured out of Nova's eyes with each word that fell out of Cullen's mouth. The knot of dread she felt at the pit of her stomach only tightened further.

"I am sorry, Nova, please forgive me. I know I am not deserving of your forgiveness but I can only wish for it as I know I have lost your trust and if you chose to leave me, I would understand as I have hurt you so much but please, just please, find it in your heart to forgive me."

His words of plea fell like heavy rain in her ears, drowning all the sounds around with the one that came with it and filling her inner being with it.

'I am sorry, I am sorry.' The words chanted continuously in her mind.

Nova could not say she did not expect it, she did but yet when it finally came, it was as though she never knew or sensed anything.

All these were strange and yet not so strange to her. She was having confusing feelings now and did not even know what her heart wanted any more.

She felt she would be able to handle it but no amount of preparation could prepare her for the hurt or shield her heart from the pain.

It still enveloped her whole being.

After a long time of apologizing and she just been silent about it and let her tears speak for her, Nova opened her eyes to look at Cullen only to find that his eyes were die-hard red and his face stained with tears as well.

She had decided not to look at him as she was preparing her heart for when she did, but seeing him in such a state only broke her heart further.

"Cullen," she paused and tilted her head to the side.

She had quite some time to calm her heart down and come to a decision. A sad smile appeared on her lips as she stared deeply into his eyes.

Yes, she could see all form of sincerity, pain, anguish, sorrow, frustration in his eyes and knew he was sincere.

No one would expect such a thing from the famous, intelligent, smart ass, handsome young general.

He had so many girls flocking around him, so they felt he would have lots of flings but that was not the case, he was true to his love and even shed tears for hurting her.

If that did not show his sincerity enough, Nova wouldn't know what else would.

~~~~~

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