Chapter 204 - Ad Meliora?

Imm.a.t.u.r.e is the heart of a man who has not yet experienced the frigid sting of betrayal... But even more imm.a.t.u.r.e and sinful is the heart of a man who has not learned how to forgive!

You call me a heartless fiend for what I have done but if I am guilty, then you are too! 

— The Judgement of Yabua the Traitor by Idrea Maseth 

A funny thing, the topic of forgiveness. Too many people considered it a virtue to be able to forgive and let go of past grudges and transgressions, despite the fact that most people were incapable of doing it themselves.

Or more accurately, most people have no interest in actually forgiving other people.

"Quite a paradox, no? That people venerate a concept that they don't even really care about. But that's what people are at their core — irrational, paradoxical, and generally unpredictable," said Reed as he peered out of the open window in Lu'um's bedchamber. 

It had happened so out of the blue that it had terrified Lu'um into a state of temporary catatonia as she stared at Reed like a deer in headlights. And for a solid minute, she seriously questioned if her mental condition had finally deteriorated beyond help...

In fact, the shock had been so great that for a small moment, her heart had actually skipped a couple of beats. Not in the metaphorical sense, but rather in the potentially dangerous and life-threatening sense. 

"I-I don't believe it... Is that really... you?" said Lu'um, understandably distressed. 

The denial in her heart was strong, as she did not believe that the day had finally come.

Even though Lu'um knew that this day would eventually come, she had not expected it to have arrived so... fast. 

It had barely been half a year since the day that Reed had left Citlai alone. His prem.a.t.u.r.e arrival completely contradicted what she had been told by the Old Crone by a factor of three. Reed had not been scheduled to arrive for another year and yet... 

Which could only mean two things — either the Old Crone had made a mistake or she had finally lost her mind a mere half a year without seeing Reed. 

Lu'um did not know which one was worse, as they were both equally troubling. 

Reed turned to look at Lu'um and said, "Do you think I am a hallucination? Your concerns are understandable, but I can assure you that you are not having a schizophrenic episode at the moment." 

It was jarring looking at Reed, almost as if there was a thin veil of static around him. But more concerning than that was how he appeared — he looked like his former self, back when he had still been relatively human. 

The babyfaced, impertinent expression on his face was like a physical memento of better times, simpler times... but she knew that something was wrong. 

"What have you shrouded yourself with? I cannot make your face clearly," said Lu'um as she slowly, cautiously approached Reed. "Why are you hiding yourself? I am not your enemy." 

"Something necessary for my own sake," said Reed with a polite smile on his face. "Don't take it personally; I'm just looking after myself, just as anyone else would in... enemy territory." 

"We both know that's not true," said Lu'um as she slowly extended one of her hands to touch Reed's face and continued by saying, "What happened back then was jus—" 

And then it happened.

Just as Lu'um's hand touched Reed's face, it just... passed right through his head. 

"Ah... W-What is this?! You said tha—" said Lu'um into total disbelief. 

"I know what I said," interjected Reed before Lu'um could continue her train of thought and told her, "And though I told you that I am real — which is the truth — I never said that... all of this is real."

It had all been a bit of cruel fun on part of Reed, something that he had meticulously planned and trained for. A reversal of the same betrayal that Reed had been inflicted upon that day. 

"That's not possible! I would've known, would've detected any kind of attempt to influence my mind! I admit you're very talented and learn quickly, but you're not that talented! Not enough to bypass my internal defenses and hijack my subconscious," said Lu'um, unable to accept the situation. 

Reed smirked and said, "I'd agree with you, but only if we're talking about my former self. These days though, I've become capable of doing some pretty amazing things, you see..." 

Lu'um's bedroom began to tremble as the walls, floor, and ceiling began to drift apart from each other, revealing an infinite plane of total darkness. 

It had all been a set, an acting prop that had been created by Reed to better ease Lu'um into handing over control of her own subconscious to him.

Although Lu'um had caught on a little faster than anticipated, she had still given Reed enough time to burrow himself into the bottommost level of her mind. It was the same place that Reed had descended into back in Cem-Elle years ago. 

In the end, this was how it was going to be. Rather than converse with Lu'um herself, Reed had decided to converse with someone higher in charge, so to speak. 

Lu'um's soul. 

There would be no lies here, for this would not be a conversation between two people, but rather a dialogue between two souls. 

In this place, at the bottom of Lu'um's mind — f.o.r.c.i.b.l.y connected at the spiritual level — they would both be forced to drop all pretenses, for they were as n.a.k.e.d and pure as they could possibly be...

Reed let out a small sigh before he said, "I do apologize for my intrusion, but I felt that I would not be able to trust you if we talked normally. And I also would rather not alert any other parties about my... arrival in Citlai, too. I would prefer not to shake up the beehive just yet..." 

Lu'um felt as if she had been stabbed in the gut when she heard Reed's explanation. It was extremely painful hearing Reed explicitly assert his distrust like that.

More than anything, his explanation conveyed a tone of practiced, polite formality — almost as if Reed was treating this conversation more like a business meeting, rather than a reunion with someone he cared for... 

The murky darkness beneath their feet wriggled as if it were alive and the plane began to transform as an abundance of objects — walls, furniture, decorations, and all manner of appliances and household items — arose and flew around them until a brand new place was created from nothing. 

Summer's Ambrosia, their former bakery and home had arisen from the void. Reed thought that if they were going to talk about everything that had happened, they should at least do it someplace they both felt comfortable with. 

Without a single care in the world, Reed immediately went behind the counter and grabbed a pair of metal tongs before he said, "So, what can I get you? Blueberry muffin like always? Or do you want a chocolate croissant?" 

The question momentarily stunned Lu'um, but she quickly regained her composure and replied, "Why... are you doing all of this, beloved? Surely, you must know that I would never lie to you. I understand that you might be... upset, but I can assure you that if you give me the chance to expla—" 

Reed shook his head and said, "I'm not upset. I can assure you that much, so why don't you pump the brakes for now and breathe for a hot second. I'm sure that we've both got a lot of questions we want answered but I'd like to relax a bit for now..." 

And so after some extra coaxing, Reed and Lu'um enjoyed a period of momentary respite before the storm. A fleeting period of time where it almost seemed as if everything had gone back to normal.

They simply ate their... imaginary pastries and talked about ordinary, everyday topics as they passed the time together. 

But once they had broken the ice and gotten accustomed to each other again, Reed finally said, "I think it's about time we get to the heart of this meeting, don't you think? Considering my actions, I'll let you start the discussion with your questions as a form of compensation. Feel free to ask me whatever you want. I have nothing to hide, after all..." 

Though there was a small barbed thorn in that last statement, Lu'um did not care about it and said, "How did you manage to bypass my internal defenses, and more importantly, how did you enter Citlai without being detected?" 

Reed laughed and said, "Still the loyal patriot, I see. I naturally could not enter with the guiding nail that connects this Citlai to Sotephor City, so I came here through the same method that we used last time. After I reached the outskirts of Citlai's dimensional bubble, I wormed my way inside very slowly and carefully, so as not to alert anyone and... presto, I got inside!" 

Lu'um felt her blood freeze as she struggled to process the verbal insanity that had just graced her ears. And then, in less than a second, a frightening, deep fury had nearly taken hold of her.

Had it not been for her frankly superhuman patience and her d.e.s.i.r.e to not ruin their relationship any further, she held back her rage and said through gritted teeth, "Are you trying to get yourself killed? Have you completely lost your mind, hm? ...Or are you just trying to provoke me into killing you myself?" 

Reed shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't fear the Outside. The Infestation is another story, of course. But with careful planning and a bit of luck, it was pretty easy avoiding them on the way here. Don't worry, I'd never compromise the safety of Citlai so relax, alright?" 

"I'm not angry because of that, you imbecile! I'm angry because you just admitted to doing the exact same thing that nearly got us both killed last time!! What the hell were you thinking?!" said Lu'um at the top of her lungs.

"I told you I'd tell you the truth; if it's too painful to hear, then I advise you to not ask questions you'd prefer not to have answered," replied Reed in a neutral, unaffected tone. 

Exasperated, Lu'um restrained herself and said, "You could have just used the guiding nail, you fool. No one would have done anything to you, Ka'an. This is truth." 

Reed bitterly smiled and said, "And there it is — the part where you'd ask me to blindly place my faith in you and... your people. Sorry, Sweetcheeks, but that's something I'm unfortunately incapable of doing at the moment. Wasn't going to risk facing an entire armada plus your folks the instant I stepped out." 

He had actually considered the idea of going through the front door but rejected it after extensive deliberation.

For his own safety, he would've had come with a small contingent of Agents as his personal guard, but when he thought about how that could've escalated everything very quickly into a nasty situation, he opted for the back door instead. 

"There's no need to make things more complicated than they already are,"  was Reed's overall mindset when he decided on sneaking into Citlai. Naturally, though, Reed had not considered how Lu'um might've felt about the entire affair. 

Sometimes the safest and most efficient choice was not always the best choice nor the correct one. 

But that in and of itself was up for debate, as was evident when it came to Reed and Lu'um opinion's on the matter...

"That would have never—" 

"Happened? Do you mean like the part where your people nearly installed cognitive restraints on me? Or the part where all of you intended on killing me, if not subduing me so you could finish the job?" 

The temperature in the room suddenly dropped to absolute zero in a single second. Outside of the bakery, a large storm had begun to swirl above Cem-Elle as dark clouds churned vigorously in anticipation...

Two people quietly watched each other with indiscernible expressions of cold formality.

Not of friends nor lovers, but of predators observing their foe for any sign of weakness... 

If the tension around them could be measured, it would've probably broken whatever device had been measuring it. It was a thick fog made of suspicion, anxiety, past grudges, and a faint hope for reconciliation. 

Whether or not they would reach some measure of peace would depend on them being able to escape the grip of that deadly tension...

The conversation was progressing wonderfully, as expected.

Well, as wonderfully as one could have hoped for two equally stubborn and self-assured people like the both of them...