Chapter 792 - First Day of December Ⅶ

While Rowan departed in the other direction, James silently made his way up to the Gryffindor tower in thought. The question of Rowan had left him still and quiet. Without a doubt, he would always love Lily. However, the Lily presently in front of him wasn't HIS LILY.

Having known HIS LILY, James could see the way this Lily looked at Severus with stars in her eyes and he could see the same look in Severus, who returned an equally infatuated gaze. It felt like a dagger stabbed his heart each time, he saw Lily and an even more heart-wrenching twist is every time he sees Lily gazed at Severus Prince, in the same manner, she had once looked at him. A part of him wanted to rage and howl his despair and pain, but he held no right nor hold over the Lily that stood before him. In the end, it was he who had failed both his wife and son.

Inevitably James had been forced to reflect upon the past again. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but he could see what his jealously and cruelty had done to HIS Lily. He had forced her childhood friend, Severus Snape, away. Sniv-, no Severus Snape, he deserved to be called by his name, he owed Severus Snape that much and more.

In this world, James could easily see what Severus Snape could have been without hatred or anger, a good friend. Even now, James could not make tails nor heads of it, but Severus Prince seamlessly fit into their group, a genuine member of the Marauder's; and more importantly a trusted friend that James had genuinely grown to like.

The consequences of his past actions are a cruel reminder filling him with guilt and remorse. Far more importantly, his remorse had forced James to gaze honestly at the hidden ugliness contained within his soul that he would have never admitted to possessing before. He had been exactly that which he accused Severus Snape of a pureblood bigot. In retrospect, it was ironic really, but Severus Snape had been a half-blood. And James had treated him as lesser existence than himself.

James pauses mid-stride and lets out a low, pained bark of laughter. His son, Harry was a half-blood. Would he have wanted Harry to be treated less than by another pureblood say Lucius Malfoy's son, Draco Malfoy?! The answer was a firm NO, but he had done so to another for no other reason than petty dislike and jealously.

James could admit it now for he had been jealous of Severus Snape. No, Severus Snape was not popular nor attractive, but he had held a hidden genius that few of their year had ever matched. Rather it was only HIS Lily, who could see past Severus Snape's exterior and into his interior. Subconsciously, he must have known filling James with reckless anxiety and had caused him to be that much cruel to Severus Snape than ever before.

Oh, yes, James had been wildly delighted at winning Lily's affections at last in their 7th year, but he had never paused to consider what it had cost her. After graduating and with the war, they had married early on, and then Lily had suddenly found herself pregnant. James had been over the moon, and Lily seemed happy as well.

However, James at times would find Lily sadly staring at her scrape book especially at one image, in particular, Severus Snape. It was the only moving image of Severus Snape in Lily's scrapbook that her fingers always seemed to linger over as if she could touch the figure. Even in the enchanted photograph, Severus Snape would weakly scowl at her, before turning away and hiding out of frame as if unable to bear her sight. And then, a crushing grip of loneliness, sadness, and even guilt would appear on Lily's face. Naturally, James would always pull her away, and tease her causing her to laugh again with the scrapbook temporarily forgotten once again.

James lets out a soft puff of air as he turns to peer at the swirling, frozen landscape as the winter storm roars outside. His Lily had wished to reunite with her childhood friend, Severus Snape after the war, it had been her dearest wish. James had never understood the reason why, but he understood now far too late. The Severus Snape, he had known had never been the true face of the childhood friend that Lily had cherished so much. Truthfully none of them had ever known Severus Snape except for Lily.

James could never apologize nor make enough amends to Severus Snape to make up for his past callous actions. Severus Snape would have had every right to refuse his pathetic apologizes and attempts of reparation even curse him. Yet James would never have the opportunity to do so. It was his retribution for his cruel actions of the past to live with his shame and remorse until the end of his days.

James blinks and turns away from the stormy scenery moving once again towards the Gryffindor tower. He could never atone for the sins of his past, but he would not repeat the actions of his past, not again. Severus Prince had won Lily's affections fair and square, and he would be man enough to step aside in this place. For in every aspect, Severus Prince had won because unlike himself, Severus loved Lily for herself. On the other hand, this Lily would be a cruel mockery of HIS Lily and what James had once had with HIS Lily. It would not be fair to this Lily to always compare her to HIS Lily. This Lily would forevermore be a mere imitation of what he and HIS Lily had shared. Because in the end, no matter how much he wished for it to be, the Lily before him was not HIS Lily and would never be.

It was an agonizing decision filled with even a bizarre sense of relief, but James would step aside to permit Lily and Severus to be happy. It hurt to the very depths of his soul, but he would not repeat the mistake of his past even if he could never atone for his past sins no matter how much he dėsɨrėd to. But at least here and now, he could be a better man than he had ever been before.

With a resolute expression, James arrived at the Fat Lady's portrait to find that it is already open as a group of 7th years makes their way inside. James hurries after them and enters the cozy Gryffindor tower. He makes his way over to the studying figures of Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, while Sirius's dark head has flopped over his open textbook.

Sharing an amused glance with his friends, James sits down causing Sirius to perk up. "Hey mate, so wotcher been up too?" Sirius said using any excuse not to focus on his homework.

"I was helping Professor Prince to finish setting up the club for Thursday," James instantly replied.

"Did you let Severus know?" Remus pointedly asked as he glanced up from his Divination homework.

James sheepishly shakes his head and says, "Er, no, but I found Rowan and she said that she would relay the message."

"Mm," Remus murmured in reply, before burying his nose in his book again.

Peter shrugs and says, "Though Rowan will deliver the message, it still would be best that you speak to Severus to ensure that that the finer details are finalized."

"I will," James replied as Peter returned to his homework leaving Sirius gazing with puppy eyes at James. Sirius blinked his wide gray eyes at James in silent, but desperate pleading.

"Do you need help, Siri?" James teased his pleading friend.

"PLEASE!" Sirius whimpered. "Remey and Pete won't help me. They said I have to do my homework on my own!"

"We will be taking our O.W.L.'s later this year, Siri," James gently chided his friend. "None of his can help you on the exam. So, you should start memorizing."

Sirius looks aghast and lets out a feeble mȯȧn, before sadly beginning to try to read and understand what was before him. Why was everyone being so mean to him? It simply wasn't fair! He was the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain! He had for more important things to do like figure out how to defeat his sneaky brother, Regulus! Although if his friends had known what Sirius had been thinking about, they would have all beaten him until he was black and blue.