CH 26

I have been far too indulgent with you

***

The season had already entered the middle of the fourth month. Around this time in previous years, flowers would have already bloomed warmly early in spring, but this year differed from the past. A few days ago, they not only felt a cold snap amidst the season, but last night, sleet had also fallen, instigating the branches of the midget crabapple tree in the courtyard to slough off delicate flower buds that had withered from the frost. Pei You’an had just returned, and it was long past the time for one to light a lantern. The surroundings were dark, and there was a nip in the air. He dismounted from his horse, rubbed his slightly icy fingers together, passed through the entrance, and stalked quickly inside.

These days, if he did not especially remind her before he left early in the morning, no matter how late it was or how hungry she grew, Jiafu would definitely wait for him to come back for the evening meal. He could have returned earlier this evening, but a matter sent to him without notice had delayed him. It was now already the period of the dog.1 Worried that Jiafu might be starving, he hastened his pace and proceeded straight into the hall of the second entrance. He took a step inside, but he surprisingly did not hear the sound of her alacritous footsteps rushing out like they usually did. He paused in his tracks, gazed ahead, and asked Yinhuan, the maid who had greeted him.

Yinhuan took the cloak he had taken off and answered, “Young Lady Zhen has not eaten yet. She must still be in her room right now. Is Your Lordship also hungry? I will go and ask Young Lady to come down.”

Pei You’an entered the dining hall, washed his hands, and sat down. The servants set the dishes and two sets of tableware. Pei You’an waited a considerable length of time before Yinhuan hurried back and exclaimed, “Young Lady is not in the room! I just asked everyone nearby to look for her, but she is nowhere to be found!”

Pei You’an was startled. “Did she go out today?”

Yinhuan shook her head, “No.” Suddenly remembering something, she quickly followed, “Yes! The Young Lady of Chuxiong’s Zhang family dropped by earlier today!”

”What was she doing here?” Pei You’an furrowed his brows.

”She said she had heard that Your Lordship’s biaomei is here, so she intentionally stopped for a visit. After she left, I went upstairs and saw Young Lady Zhen sitting all alone, dazed on the stairway. Her face was pale, and she looked rather indisposed. I asked her if she felt unwell, but she only shook her head. After she went up, I have never seen her come down.”

Pei You’an immediately shot up and strode briskly to the round building where Jiafu dwelled. He hiked upstairs and opened the door, only to discover that it was untenanted inside with nary a sign of her presence. Only a soft pink outer garment was lying on the edge of the bed, its hem quietly drooping to the floor.

”Tell the men to look for her again! All the rooms and corners of the courtyard, not a single one should be overlooked!”

Pei You’an turned back suddenly and commanded.

Yinhuan faced about and promptly rushed down. The servants in the Pei Manor were all tense. They searched everywhere, yet the person was still nowhere to be seen. Pei You’an himself marched to the entrance and questioned the gatekeeper. The gatekeeper confirmed that he had been there all day long and had not taken even half a step out, and he had not at all seen her step outside.

Pei You’an’s eyebrows were knitted. He thought for a moment, then turned to look at the window of the room where she was staying. His line of sight paused at the apex of the round building for a brief period, and he subsequently turned around, leaving his men standing there aghast. He ran back to the round building and climbed up the stairs two to three steps at a time, reaching all the way to the top floor in almost a single breath. After ascending a narrow ladder, he trod on a small rooftop typically constructed in buildings within the locality designed for wartime defense, and his vision rapidly surveyed all around him.

The rooftop had long been deserted, and almost no one usually went up here. Right this moment, it was pitch black, and cold wind was blowing in all directions. On the corner stood a delicate silhouette. It was Jiafu. In such a weather, she had donned only a layer of garments meant for spring, sitting beside a railing while hugging her knees. Looking closely, the outline of her profile seemed to blend into the night scene. 

Pei You’an approached in large strides.

”Why did you come here all alone without a word? Do you know just how many people have been looking for you?”

His tone inadvertently turned out rather stern.

As if Jiafu had not heard it, she remained seated there, as still as before.

The wind whistled past his ears. The sleeves of his robes rippled in the wind. He stopped, waited for a moment, and, after some hesitation, walked closer until he was finally behind her. This time, he bent down and lowered his voice.

”Come down with me first. It is cold here.”

Only then did Jia Fu finally seem to detect his arrival. The slender shadow moved. She languidly turned her head, glanced at Pei You’an standing behind her, and said in a hushed tone, “Sorry, Biaoge…… I was not paying attention……”

Her voice was extremely soft and fragile, sounding as if the night wind would blow it away at any moment. As she spoke, she grabbed the railing with one hand and carefully rose to her feet. She turned around and trudged towards the inside. After a few steps, her body wobbled. In alarm, Pei You’an instinctively stretched both his hands out to support her.

Jiafu then leaned against Pei You’an’s chest and did not move.

This softness he had once felt enveloped him again in an instant.

Pei You’an stood still. He reluctantly lowered his head. From the dim starlight all around him, he could perceive her small head gently pressing against his chest with her eyes slightly closed. Her long and wispy eyelashes appeared rather shadowy, but because of the close distance, it was as if he could count each of them one by one.

That area the size of a fist on the left part of his chest where her forehead was pressing against, which initially seemed unfeeling,2 suddenly jumped.

“Biaomei——”

He felt the weight of her against him press even closer. He hesitated, then called her gently, not letting any emotion dictate his expression and tone of voice. He moved back an inch, and his shoulders shifted. The person in his arms consequently lost her support. Her body turned soft, and she collapsed noiselessly on the ground beside his feet.

Pei You’an was startled. He hastily squatted down, turned her face to him, and saw that her eyes were shut. She actually lost consciousness. Calling to mind what Yinhuan had said, he became apprehensive and immediately lifted her up from the ground. The skin beneath her clothes was cold to the touch, and her body was as light as a butterfly, feeling almost boneless. He hastily descended the stairs, sent her into her room, gently removed her shoes, and laid her flat on the bed.

The light on the rooftop was dim, but he could now see clearly. Her face was as white as snow, and her florid lips were frozen blue. He had no idea just how long the wind outside had been blowing on her. He spread the quilt over her and unfastened the bed curtain, exposing only her slim and fragile wrist. He slowly exhaled, held his breath, and then cautiously pressed two of his fingers on her wrist to check her pulse.

Her pulse was weak, and her breathing was erratic, but the beating was stable, so her infirmity ought to be caused by a lack of vital energy. After some rest, it should not be a grave problem.

Pei You’an relaxed a little. He lightly lifted the quilt to cover her hand, glanced at her complexion devoid of blood, and intended to go out and call Yinhuan to accompany and tend to her.

“……Da Biaoge……”

Just as he faced the other way, he heard a vague and delicate voice from behind him.

Pei You’an shifted his head.

Jiafu’s eyelashes trembled slightly, her eyes slowly unclosed, and she awoke.

Pei You’an trod back and softly inquired, “Awake? How do you feel? Are you hungry? You need not come down. I will call someone to bring you something to eat.” After saying that, he saw her shaking her head and saying she was not hungry. She lay on the pillow, and tears twinkling like stars seemed to slowly surface from her eyes, painting a pitiful picture. He could not help but recall how harsh his tone had been when he first found her on the rooftop. Feeling a little apologetic, he inquired in a more amicable tone of voice, “What’s wrong?”

Jiafu said nothing and only gazed fixedly at him, the glistening tears growing more and more obvious and soon gathering around the rim of her eyes. Tears abruptly rushed down from her eye sockets, rolled down her cheeks, and instantly disappeared inside the hair on her temples, leaving only wet tear marks on the corners of her eyes.

Pei You’an’s voice became even softer. “Do not cry. If there is anything wrong, do not hesitate to tell me.”

”Da Biaoge…… is there anyone you fancy?”

Jiafu raised her hand to haphazardly wipe the tear stains off her face and asked in a delicate nasal voice.

Pei You’an was nonplussed. He looked at her and saw her pair of large eyes intent on himself. Suppressing the strange feeling that rushed up in his heart, he returned, “Why do you ask?”

”Da Biaoge, you must first tell me. I implore you……”

Pei You’an found it outrageous. He could have disregarded such an abrupt query from her, yet he paused for a moment and replied insipidly, “No.”

Jiafu sat up.

”Earlier today, Heir Xiao’s betrothed, the daughter of the Zhang family, came to see me. She told me a lot of things and ultimately wanted me to submit to the Heir! I refused her because I was unwilling, but I was utterly terrified! After offending him time and again, a man like the Heir will not let me off so easily…… Da Biaoge, you told me before that you would help me. You may be able to help me now, but you no longer can in the future. Sooner or later, I will return to Quanzhou, and Da Biaoge, you also have your own matters. When that time comes, if the Heir wants to harm me or threaten me using my family, what must I do? I am extremely afraid……”

She had already wiped away her tears, yet as she spoke, tears came streaking down once more. All of a sudden, she arose, and then threw herself into Pei You’an’s arms, embracing him as tightly as she had at the posthouse the night he appeared so suddenly in front of her.

Pei You’an froze.

Jiafu’s cheek was pressed against his chest, and tears soon dampened his lapels.

”Da Biaoge, didn’t you promise to help me? Since you don’t have a lover, won’t you let me be yours?”

Pei You’an was greatly surprised——it could even be said that he was thunderstruck.

”No!”

He gave a flat refusal. He lifted his hand and attempted to untangle her arms from his bosom, but Jiafu wrapped her arms even tighter.

”I know I am not worthy enough for Da Biaoge, but I have considered it carefully and at length. Only when the Heir knows that I am your person will he stop and cease closing in on me step after step like this. I dare not take the position of a wife, but so long as Da Biaoge agrees, I can be a concubine or a maidservant. If Da Biaoge really dislikes me, you can just put my name on the registry!”

”Da Biaoge, I implore you!”

Jiafu looked up at him. Her beautiful eyes teeming with tears, her gaze was replete with expectation, and, like raindrops on a pear flower, one could not help being moved upon laying eyes on her. Even if a man were dead to all feelings, seeing her like this would soften him to some degree.

Pei You’an lowered his head to stare at her. The initial shock on his face gradually dissipated, and his expression turned grave.

He slowly and finally unclasped Jiafu’s arms, mused for a while, then said, “I do know a little about the Heir’s nature, but your method is much too preposterous. Do not think about it anymore. I will not agree. You have been ruminating too much that it has compromised your state of mind. Someone will come to serve you. You should rest early. You will feel better after you sleep. Rest assured; I promised to protect you, and that, I will do.”

As predicted, he declined so readily. Tempting a stony and ironhearted man by pleading and showing weakness proved to be futile.

This was also within Jiafu’s expectations.

She bit her lip and looked at him plaintively. All of a sudden, she lifted herself up from the bed, abandoned her shoes, and ran outside barefoot.

Pei You’an was struck dumb. He called out “Biaomei” and hurriedly chased after her.

Much like a rabbit, Jiafu was exceptionally agile this time. She climbed back up to the rooftop in a flash and sprinted towards the railing she had just sat on. She leaned against it and saw Pei You’an chasing after her. She shouted, “Do not come any closer! If you do, I will jump! I dreamt, and I know, that I will fall into that person’s hands sooner or later. I’d rather take my own life than let that happen, and lest you think I compelled you……”

She yelled as she leaned her body out toward the railing.

With great alarm, Pei You’an sternly exclaimed as he approached to pull her back, “That’s dangerous! Come back here!” 

”Da Biaoge, you mustn’t worry about me. You refuse to help me anyway——”

Just as Jiafu was remonstrating, the sound of a slight crack came from the railing against which she was leaning. Before Jiafu could manage a reaction, her back suddenly felt empty. The railing snapped. She abruptly lost support and fell out head first.

She had especially chosen this spot earlier in the evening with the intent to threaten Pei You’an in such a way to prove her determination, and she would then wait for him to pull her back. However, she absolutely never considered that, because this wooden railing was rather aged and had been constantly exposed to the wind and sun, it had feeble strength despite how intact it appeared outwardly.

The round building was three stories high, which was roughly ten zhang3 in height. If she were to truly fall like this, there was no need to worry about Xiao Yintang’s compulsion.

”Da Biaoge, save me——”

Jiafu was facing down, and most of her body was already out as she screamed unconsciously. Suddenly, one of her ankles was clasped firmly by a hand, and the momentum of her fall immediately ceased. Then, before she could react, her whole self was dragged from mid-air and flung back to the ground with the sound of a ‘thud’.

Jiafu was scared witless that her soul almost left her body, and she had yet to recover completely. Her entire person shuddered from the cold. She had just been abruptly tossed to the ground, and with a cry of pain, tears streamed down from her eyes. The next moment, there was only air beneath her feet. She had been hoisted up. Pei You’an brought Jiafu all the way downstairs as one would carry a chicken. He hastened back to her room and heaved her heavily on the bed.

”I have been far too indulgent with you. Is that what gave you the courage to dare behave as foolhardy as this?”

He gritted his teeth as he fired out every word.

Jiafu raised her head and met Pei You’an’s livid scowl——

Never had she seen him this furious before, and never had she imagined that his anger could amount to this much.

”Lord Pei?”

From outside came the voice of a servant.

The commotion that occurred on the rooftop was brief, but it was enough to merit attention.

”Go down! Do not enter unless you are called!”

He bellowed towards the door.

With a slight rustle of footsteps, the doorway fell silent.

He slowly turned his head and stared at Jiafu once again, his gaze somber.

Jiafu cowered. She lowered her head and huddled in the corner of the bed, not daring to even breathe.

Footnotes:

1 戌时 (xū shí): 7-9 pm (in the system of two-hour subdivisions used in former times)

2 What a lengthy way to say ‘heart’ lol

3 Zhàng (丈) is a measure of length, which is about ten Chinese feet (3.3 m).