Volume 2 - CH 1

A carriage was riding along a road, uncommitted to reaching its destination. Ryner Lute and Ferris Eris were sitting in the front. Ryner had an absentminded look on his face and unruly dark hair, and his whole body was exhausted. All in all, he had the unmistakable aura of a student on a Sunday dreading going to school on Monday morning.

In contrast, Ferris was expressionless but dashingly beautiful by his side. She was staring down a map or something, serious as could be.

It was a nice, cloudless day, the likes of which could make anyone sleepy, not just Ryner. 

Ryner was in control of the reins, so when his grip tightened, the horses slowed down a bit. “So?” He said. “What’ve you been looking at so seriously this whole time, Ferris? I know where the next Heroic Relic is even without a map. I spent two years researching this stuff, after all…”

She raised her head quietly. “I know that. But I received information that I’m interested in regarding our travels yesterday… I’m looking into it now.”

“Hm? Information that you’re interested in?”

“Mm-hm. I heard stories about magical items not unlike the Heroic Relics that have seduced millions of people in the Runa Empire since olden days. They said that those items not only exist, but are skewered on display.”

“That’s… uwah… too crazy to be true,” Ryner said, exasperated. “Um, so… If those were real, they’d be way more famous than this. They wouldn’t just be in some exhibition. It’s probably just a circus or something? In all of the Runan legends that I looked through, not a single one mentioned this. I reject your proposal to check it out. God, if we looked into every single contrived story, we’d never finish this…”

“Our job is important,” she said, making for Ryner’s neck. “We can’t overlook anything, trivial as it may seem. We both know that we cannot allow Runa’s powerful magic items to be overlooked.”

“…No, I just think that looking into this one’s a waste of time… uuh… I get it. You want to say that I don’t have the right to make any decisions here, right? So you can put your sword away now.”

Ferris nodded and took her sword back away. “Then our next move is clear. Our destination is Tallas Town… but there’s one problem. There is a considerable entrance fee to get in there to see the famous magical item.”

“Yeah, I bet having something like that would be pretty profitable. So? Any other problem?”

“Mm. They’re a limited time offer going on, too. Couples are getting half-off on admissions to Tallas Town, and we both know that we’re traveling on a major budget. Therefore, we’d best use that deal, but that lends itself to another problem.”

“I think the problem is that a discount for couples is shady in itself, but anyway, do you really think there’s a relic there?”

Ferris completely ignored him. “The first problem is that women are forbidden in military circles in Runa to the point that they think that I, a first-class beauty, am a man just because I wear armor. Think back to that perverted woman who thought that we were a couple consisting of two men. The biggest problem is that I, whose beauty destroys land, water, and the heavens, would never date a sex maniac who hasn’t fully woken up in 10,000 years. One would think that the easy solution to this would be for me to remove my armor and wear something feminine, but on the other hand, that’s difficult… but fear not. I already have a solution.”

With that, Ferris took something she’d stored in the back of the carriage out. It was perfectly normal, and perfectly feminine, being a pink and frilly dress.

There was just one abnormal thing about it… actually, it was a kind of huge abnormality. 

“Huh, I see,” Ryner said, his voice strangely shrill. “That’s fine. I think it suits you, Ferris. If you wear that, they’ll see you as a woman and me as a man, and we can get that couples’ discount—”

“What are you saying?” Ferris interrupted. “Look at the size. This clothes were made for you—”

“No! I don’t want to look at it! How did you even come to this conclusion!?”

Ferris ignored his screams. “I’ve already bought cosmetics for you, too. This solves all of our problems. The discomfort of seeing a transcendent beauty like me with a sex maniac is an issue. Men are all wild beasts, after all. On the other hand, I could easily seduce a lazy but perverted woman. All of that discomfort is gone. My plan is flawless.”

Then she reached back to pull something else out. “In any case, shall we start with lipstick?”

“Nooooo!!”

And so Ryner’s screams echoed down the road.

---

Children were laughing.

Whether it was families or couples, everyone had smiles on their faces. Family friendly activities were everywhere, along with delicious-looking food stands and rare animals.

It was a theme park of sorts. There was a sign up high, its big letters proclaiming it to be Picky Fantasy Land. It was a famous theme park in Runa.

And in that theme park— 

“I’m not a kid! I understand that this is the Runan way of thinking. You’re trying to get me to play to my heart’s content and forget all about Ryner so that I’ll go home nice and quiet, aren’t you! Well, that’s not happening!” Milk Callaud yelled at her guardian-like subordinates who were surrounding her. She was angrier than one would expect to see from someone so cute-looking.

“I’m an adult!” Milk continued. “Thinking that I’d want to spend all day on this family-fun stuff is a big mista—”

Just then, Milk’s oldest subordinate (though he was still only twenty-five) spoke as he pointed across the crowd. “Ah! Chief Milk! There’s the mascot, Pikipicky!”

“What!? Where?” Milk yelled, whipping her head around to look, her ponytail swaying with her as she scurried over. Then she caught sight of him and his half-bear, half-rabbit, half-asleep glory. “Whoa! It’s Picky! Luke, Lach, Lear, Moe! Look, it’s amazing! C’mere, c’mere!”

Her subordinates watched her, somehow deeply moved by the sight.

“I’m so glad that we took her to Fantasy Land.”

“This will make a good memory.”

“It’s important to make good memories while you’re still a kid, after all.”

“They say that memories are more important than possessions.”

“Oh, not a bad phrase, Lear.”

Lately, they’d really settled into their role as her guardians.

---

Just then, Ryner and Ferris arrived at their destination… Picky Fantasy Land. However, Ryner didn’t have the heart to comment on or even notice this fact.

“Uuh… Everyone’s looking at me, Ferris. Are you seeing this? Everyone’s looking at me.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Anyone would worry about it!” Ryner said, then sighed. “This is the worst… How did things end up like this? I hate this… I really just…”

He walked with his head hung low, trying to take up as little space as possible.

Ferris, meanwhile, did the talking once they reached the ticket booth. “We’d like a couples’ ticket.”

“Yes, yes… whoa. You’re beautiful. Are you sure you’re not a woman?”

“Mm. I get that a lot. But look at my armor.”

“Ah… you really are a man. Amazing. I can’t help but feel like your beauty’s wasted… no, what am I saying? Anyway, here’s your couples’ ticket. Here’s yours, and here’s your girlfriend’s… whoa!?”

He went silent for a moment.

“Uh… this is your girlfriend? This… this… this guy?”

“Mm. She gets that a lot. But would a man wear a frilly pink dress? Only a pervert would do that in broad daylight.”

“R-right. I’m sorry that I doubted you… But to think that she’s your girlfriend…”

“Don’t worry about it. We hear that more than enough. But you’ve hurt her feelings. Give me her ticket instead.”

With that, Ryner and Ferris entered Fantasy Land, Ferris handing the second ticket over to Ryner.

“And that’s that. Pervert.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!” Ryner yelled. “No matter how you look at it, seeing you as a man and me as a woman is way more uncomfortable than the other way around!”

“Hm. Seems so. Everyone looks at you as they pass.”

“Everyone?! Ugh, I can’t do this! My life is over! I’ve been violated! I’ll never be a bride!!” Ryner said as he covered his face, sitting like a woman would for some reason, his composure completely gone.

“If you hate it so much, then why didn’t you refuse?” Ferris asked, collected as ever. “You even let me put make-up on you.”

“Haah? I refused since the very beginning! Anyone would crossdress if they were threatened with a sword—”

“Mm. The other couples are all linking arms. It’s suspicious if we don’t do the same. Come on, give me your arm.”

“Are you even listening to me!?” So he said, but he moved his arm forward and linked it with hers. Once again, his face turned downcast. “Anyway, let’s get that magic item and go.”

“Yes. Heheh.”

“Ah! Did you just laugh!? You laughed, didn’t you! Don’t tell me you’re having fun with making me look like this!?

“It really suits you. Perverted woman.”

“Youuu! I’m going to kill you after this!”

“Mm. I’m definitely reporting this to the king.”

“And I’ll definitely kill you if you do!”

And so they made dangerous conversation while walking around like a lovey-dovey couple. Ryner, meanwhile, was different from his usual motivationless self. He was working out a plan.

“What should I do… If I go back to the carriage and change clothes, then I’d have to pay the entrance fee again to come back… What should I do…”  

Just then, something caught Ryner’s eye. It was two people in mascot costumes. He couldn’t tell if they were supposed to be bears or rabbits, but one was red and the other one was blue. They were surrounded by happily smiling children. It seemed like they were a lot more comfortable wearing something weird here than Ryner, who was still stuck on the crossdressing bit.

Seeing it, Ryner screamed. “There!”

“Mm? What are you yelling about?” Ferris asked as she looked over to what Ryner was reacting to. “Do you want to shake hands with that abnormality?”

“No way! Besides, I’m way more out of place than that!”

“Mm. It’s impossible to see you as anything but a pervert.”

“…W-well, we don’t have enough time here for me to react to that, but anyway, don’t you think that I’d blend in better if we stole one of those costumes? We’d be able to sneak into anywhere.”

“Ahh. I see. Not a bad plan.”

“Right? Okay, it’s decided. I’m stealing that costume. Alright! Then let’s go, let’s go!”

Ryner broke out into a run, his frilly dress fluttering as he did. Watching him from behind, no matter how slender he may be, he was obviously a man. It was impossible to see him as a woman with a large build instead of a crossdressing man.

It was past the point of strange and approaching the line of fear for the park-goers, who would probably be reassured if they saw him over by the funhouse instead of out in the rest of the park.

“I see. I’ve decided on Ryner’s next job,” Ferris mumbled as she too approached the two Pickys.

A while later… 

Milk had her fill of Fantasy Land. She’d mastered all the games and was now searching out the red Picky. Her ponytail swayed as she looked around restlessly. “Uuh… I can’t find it. But I won’t give up! I’ll definitely find you, red Picky!”

“That’s the spirit, Chief!” Moe said. “You won’t have any trouble finding a red Picky or two!”

“We’ll help you out,” Lach said.

Lear was reading a pamphlet on the park. “Hm. If there wasn’t one in the west or south sides, let’s go east next.”

“Yeah! Thanks, everyone! Wait for me, red Picky!”

Luke was watching her, a kind look on his face.

This was supposed to be an elite squadron of Roland’s Taboo Hunters… One couldn’t help but think that this was a massive waste of their skill. Their powers of perception, observation, and analytics far exceeded a normal human’s. That meant that finding the red Picky in this theme park was a simple matter for them.

Lear’s role in their military squadron was being the brains. Lach and Moe’s job was to tag along as her big brothers. Luke’s job was to be the dad.

“You can only have ice cream once a day,” Luke said. “We don’t want you to get an upset stomach,” Luke said. He kept a watchful eye on all aspects of her care.

The sun was just barely moving past its highest point in the sky. The weather was still perfect, with its refreshing breeze and cloudless sky. Nobody would think that this nice day was part of a dangerous journey.

“Not bad,” Luke said with a nod to himself.

Milk suddenly dropped her ice cream. She shivered. “I-I found it! Everyone, look, I found the red Picky!” She said as she pointed.

It wasn’t just the red Picky, either. There was a blue one too. 

Those Pickys were different from the others. It wasn’t just the color, either. There was an entirely different air about them.

The red one wasn’t cute at all. Also, it had a longsword.

Then the blue one… was tall, slouching a little, and just looked exhausted in general. Like it was going to keel over asleep any second.

“I found them! The red and blue Pickys! Aren’t they cute!?” Milk said and jumped up.

“Lach, Lear, Moe. Go with her.”

““Understood.””

Milk picked up the ice cream she’d dropped and put it in the trash. “Alright, peace has been restored.”

They leisurely walked with Milk, like they were teachers on a kindergarten field trip, not to speak of their real roles.

Milk, on the other hand, was energetically heading for the Pickys. “Red Picky, I found y—gyah!?”

The second she reached the red Picky, she was on the floor.

“Are you okay, Chief?” Lach and the others yelled.

Milk instantly jumped back up and at her target. “I won’t let you escape, red Picky!”

The red Picky adopted a bit more serious of a stance this time.

Even so, Milk was a graduate of a military academy. She was on a far higher level than someone who was a part-time Picky.

So she easily captured the Picky… or at least she should have. But the Picky seemed to disappear, leaving a red blur as its aftermath, then reappeared closer to the blue Picky. So Milk ended up on the ground once more.

Lach and the others made a surprised noise. “Wha!?”

They were shocked that a Picky that looked as unsubstantial as this one had that kind of power. It moved insanely quickly. They had no idea that this kind of skill was required to work as a Picky… 

Then the red Picky whispered. “You’re a nuisance. Get out of my sight.”

What a thing for a Picky to say!

She knew that Pickys were able to communicate their feelings to children telepathically, but it just spoke.

The dreams of children… were being crushed… 

Milk looked like she just couldn’t believe it. “Huh? No way… Picky, Picky just talked! Uwaaahn. Is there a person inside? Is there actually a person inside!? She cried.

Luke ran over, flustered. “C-calm down, Chief. This is a special Picky that can use human speech. The proof is that it’s red.”

“R-really? Pickys are real, right? They’re not fake?”

“Of course not! The proof is that the blue one isn’t speaking, see?” Luke said. He turned to the blue one, a pleading look at his eye.

“Ahh, I’m sleepy… so tired… and this costume is heavy…” 

“Kyaaah! It said ‘costume!’ It called it a ‘costume!’”

And so the girl was wounded yet again by a cruel adult.

The Pickys, meanwhile, ignored not only her but the other kids, too, as they talked to each other. “So where are those magic things? We came all the way here and did a bunch of weird shit for them. Let’s hurry up and nab them before this gets any more annoying than it’s already been.”

“Mm. They’re in the northern area,” the red one said. “I’ll get them, so what about you? Will you do your job as a bear-rabbit hybrid?”

“No way.”

Luke grimaced as he listened to the Pickys. They were just the worst. To think that the morals of part-time workers were this low… but there was nothing they could do about it now. Their best bet was to go ahead and buy her that second ice cream and calm her down enough for her to go home.

The point of all of this was to help her forget about their professional duties for a day, and yet. The red Picky trampled on those feelings of his without a second thought. 

Then, the red Picky spoke, detached. “Then Ryner, I will go to the north—”

Time stopped. 

Milk stopped crying and Luke was aghast.

The blue Picky was facing the red one. “Dammit, Ferris…” 

“Ryneeerrr!? What’s going on? Augh, I’ll never forgive you for having fun dressed up like Pickys with her! I wanted to be a Picky! Stop fooling around with her, you cheater! Luke, Lack, Lear, Moe. This Picky is Ryner!”

“Haah… this is ridiculous. Just when we got Chief to come here and forget about our duties for a bit…” 

“I don’t care, just go!”

“O-of course,” her subordinates all said in unison. 

That marked the start of their battle. Luke and the others unsheathed their swords.

“You’re never, ever getting away from me again!” Milk yelled as she drew a magic circle to cast one of Roland’s stronger spells.

The blue Picky sighed loudly. “Are you kidding me… You’re casting offensive magic in a crowded public place? If I couldn’t counter it, people would really die here. You’d be a wanted criminal.” He moved his hands far faster than Milk. “I wish for an invasion—”

“I won’t let you counter me! Luke, Lach, Lear, support me!”

“Understood!”

The men readied their swords and leapt towards Ryner.

There was a sudden red flash, and before anyone had time to process it, the red Picky’s sword was out and everyone else’s swords had been knocked away.

For some reason, the surrounding kids began to cheer. “Wow, the red Picky’s so cool!”

“You can’t lose, Picky!”

“Picky, over here!”

At some point, the Pickys vs Milk’s group of five had become a show for the surrounding people; be it families or couples, they all watched, perfectly at ease despite the offensive magic that was about to fire.

“I wish for thunder - Lightning Flash!”

Ryner’s spell finished right in time, too. “I wish for an invasion - Eclipse!”

Thunder and smoke fired from their magic circles, but soon after, the two spells interfered with each other in a way that they both disappeared safely. 

The crowd went wild.

““Whoaaa!!””

They clapped and clapped around them. 

“Good luck to that girl, too!”

“She’s adorable!”

“And the man with the white hair is a sight to see, too!”

The blue Picky—okay, he’s Ryner—glared at the red Picky and yelled. “Ferris you asshole! Why’d you have to expose me in the first place?”

The red Picky—okay, she’s Ferris—ignored him and surveyed the crowd. “Standing out like this is bad. Especially when it comes to that girl who you threw out from your past the second she ceased to be useful to you. We’ve already shown too much of Roland’s magic to Runa. Is she not conscious of the fact that she’s a Taboo Hunter? If she uses any more magic here, then…” 

She unsheathed her sword.

“…I’ll chop her head off.”

“Whoa, hey!” The blue Picky known as Ryner shouted. “If you do that, these kids will have nightmares about heads flying every night for the rest of their lives. Besides, aren’t you the one who started all of th—”

“Right. It’s the fault of your deplorable and habitual thirst for women that’s gradually built up to this point. You are reaping what you sow. I am fulfilling our duty. I will continue to the northern part of the park, and you will stay here and deal with this. It’s in area twenty-four.”

“Hey—”

“Don’t use any magic,” Ferris interrupted. “There are too many people watching.”

“No, I’m trying to say—”  

This time, Milk was the one who interrupted him. “What!? You think you can ignore me just because you two are Pickys and I’m not?” With that, she began to draw another magic circle.

“Whoa, wait a sec—”

“Alright. You deal with this,” Ferris said one last time.

“I’m trying to tell you that since you don’t fight with magic in the first place—”  

“Let’s do this, Ryner!” Milk said. “We’re definitely going to play together as Pickys!”

Ryner sighed loudly. That was all he needed to do to convey his thoughts on the situation. He wasn’t happy with any part of this.

“Alright. I’ll be accomplishing our duty,” Ferris said. She disappeared in a red blur.

The spectators gasped at the sight, but Ryner hardly had the time to pay attention to the crowd. He looked at Milk. Her magic circle was just finishing up. “Ugh, geez… I’m seriously at my limit here.” He moved to quell her magic circle.

Luke and the others jumped in front of Milk. “I won’t let you lay a hand on the Chief!”

“…This is a huge pain, but I guess I’m gonna have to take it at least a little seriously,” Ryner said with another sigh as he kicked up at Luke to throw his sword off. It flew, doing several spins in the sky. He curbed Lach as he came at him from the side, dodged Lear’s sword then kicked him from the side, making Moe crash into him.

Getting to Milk was easy with her subordinates defeated. He didn’t move with Ferris’ overwhelming speed. Instead, he moved smoothly, with practiced ease. Though Ferris was pretty smooth too, if one were to categorize her speed as a monster’s instead of as a human…

Either way, he made it to Milk and shoved his arms through her magic circle. “Alright! I’ve suppressed… huh?”

The magic circle was already complete. All she had to do now was recite the spell. “I’m doing it, Ryner! I wish for—”

“W-w-wait, Milk!” Ryner said, but for some reason, he couldn’t move his arms through the spell enough to stop her.

“I wish for thunder—”

“This is bad! What should I do? Kgh…”  

He moved his arms again, taking her hands.

“—Lightning fuwaghwagh!”

He covered his lips with the costume’s lips. Milk’s face went bright red. Her limbs went limp and a dreamy look washed over her face.

““Chieeeefff!”” 

“What’s up with them?” Ryner said carelessly as they separated. Of course, his lips hadn’t touched hers at all from inside the costume. “Haah… I’m so tired. This costume’s too heavy for this.” Not like he could take it off now, though.

The crowd, which had gone silent at some point, slowly got loud again. Picky fans swarmed Ryner. 

“Amazing. That was just the best! I’m so moved!”

“Picky’s not just cute. He’s cool, too…”

“Will you kiss me, too, Picky?”

“Huh?” Was all that Ryner could say to that. There were too many of them to cut through. He had no idea when it happened, but their little ‘show’ had become a real attraction, and now everyone was calling out for Picky as they ran up to him. Soon the crowd would swallow him, and he’d lose his life… 

Ryner took a step back and scowled. “Hey now, one at a time… Anyway, though, let’s get out of h—”

Something latched onto his legs.

“—Uwah!”

Whatever it was, it was stronger than a demon! It pulled him down to the ground. Though it was probably pretty obvious that it was Milk who grabbed him.

“I’ve caught you, Ryner! You can’t get away now!”

“Look at the situation here! We’re seriously gonna die if this crowd tramples us, you know!”

“Say that all you want, but you’re just looking for an excuse to abandon me again, aren’t you! But I won’t let you! Now hurry up and tell me how to turn into a Picky too!”

“Huh!? This isn’t the time for that!” Ryner said. Then he lifted his head and went silent. No, he gave up on it. The crowd was engulfing him, and a demon was holding him down and letting it happen. “Ah… I don’t even care what happens anymore.”

The complete defeat on his face didn’t stop the crowd, though. And so the crowd swallowed him up with ease… 

---

The sun was falling down the horizon, leaving the sky a brilliant red. It was evening, but still too early to be called dinner time.

A snug wooden building with the air of a family-run business stood in the twenty-fourth area of the northern quarter of Fantasy Land.

A blue Picky staggered over… but at this point, could it really be called blue anymore? Its fur was covered in dirt. What kind of carnage had this Picky lived through? No emotion remained in its tired eyes. Though it was a costume, so it was kind of hard to tell if it was experiencing emotion in the first place.

The blue Picky opened the double doors and stepped inside.

There was food at the counter and numerous tables inside. There was only one guest: a relaxed red Picky with the head off, revealing a drop-dead blonde beauty. She looked up when the blue Picky called out to her.

“Oh, Ryner. You’re late,” she said, a skewer of dango in her right hand and a cup of tea in her left hand.

“Hey… why are you in here relaxing? What happened to that duty of ours? To the magic items?”

She ignored the blue Picky’s questions. “Too bad for you, but the dango is all sold out. It’s a popular shop. It’s a good thing that I went out of my way to come here.”

“Huh… Dango? The hell? You went out of your way for this…?”

The red Picky ignored him again. Could it be that the two types of Picky were unable to communicate…?  

“So what about the magic items?”

“Mm. The dango here is sublime. This is the first time that I’ve tasted this anywhere but Wynnit Dango. It’s no wonder that it always makes the top ten in the dango newsletter that I’m subscribed to—”

“That’s not what I’m asking… wait, did you just say that there’s a dango newsletter!?” 

“Hehe. I read Dango Magazine, too.”

“No, that’s not the point… Wait, did you lie about the magic items just so that you could try this dango?”

Was it such a stretch to say that a vein appeared on the blue Picky’s head?

The red Picky sighed deeply. “You don’t understand anything. What else should dango enthusiasts use to describe the taste of this dango? Is it not a magic item among simpler dango?”

“How should I know!?”

“Why are you angry? I did not lie. Remember what I said at the very beginning?”

“Um… if I’m remembering correctly, you said something like that they were ‘magical items not unlike the Heroic Relics that have seduced millions of people in the Runa Empire since olden days…’”

The red Picky wordlessly pointed at the sign. 

Celebrating our 120th anniversary. Our guests have exceeded two million! All seats are sold out for today, thank you for your patronage. 

So basically, she’d translated that into the speal about magical items.

The red Picky held eye contact as she ate her dango. “So? Do you need me to explain anything else?”

“…No, you’ve said more than enough…”

He sighed and took the head off of his mascot costume, then sat down beside her and took a dango skewer. “But… the fruit of all of my labors is just this dango, then? Really? I can’t believe I went through all of that for this…”

He stuffed a ball of dango into his mouth. “Geez… it was all for this. Oh, but this is really good. It’s like, sticker than other… ah, it’s stuck in my throat guagh! Ferris! W-water!”

“Hm? Water? What are you saying? It’s only natural to drink tea with dango.”

The blue Picky was supposed to have taken his blue head off, but it seemed to be coming back. He slurped tea up as fast as he could.

The red Picky just watched with a melancholic look in her eyes. “The way of dango is a long and perilous art to master…”  

The sky was changing from vivid reds to deep blues. 

Will those two be able to master the way of dango? No, wait, what kind of journey even is this? It’s kind of hard to say lately.