CH 96

Kirsec, the boy’s story

Back then, when I was young, I only saw what I wanted to see. Maybe it was because I grew up self-centered. A clear example of that was Aren.

Speaking of my childhood, I was not even a normal kid, to say the least. At the time, I thought I was okay, but in reality it wasn’t. Looking back, my insides were festering.

It doesn’t matter if I’m alone like that. But at that time, I didn’t know the extent. So I was no different from a lump of pus that gave off a rotten stench and harmed others. Because I was too young.

That’s why Aren’s existence touched me even more. I couldn’t help but be inevitably desperate for a handful of warmth extended to a child who was pierced by loneliness. Recognizing her only embracing warmth, she seemed like the whole world to me.

I was emotionally hungry enough to swallow every piece of attention she gave me, a piece of affection she threw away.

The affection was desperate for an 8-year-old kid, that he misunderstood words that were not confessions as confessions.

* * *

In my 8-year-old life, for the first time in my life, I was helplessly immersed in the time of being ‘together’ with someone.

At first, I really thought that the way the little child could show affection was just too extreme. I thought it was because she didn’t know how to express her blunt behavior and indifference. So at the tea time, which was made thanks to Father, the little child who acted blunt disappointed me.

When I heard from Father that I would have tea time with the little child, I was really looking forward to it. What about meeting for the first time after getting a confession?

The day before the first tea time, I was so nervous that I couldn’t sleep. I asked the chef to prepare a special delicious snack. I trembled with nervousness at the luxuriously prepared tea table while wearing my new clothes. As the promised time came, my heart was pounding as if it would explode.

What if the little child boldly says she missed me as soon as she saw me? I would be embarrassed. Does she want me to tell her that she is cute?

My heart trembled. It was the first time I felt this tension. It’s the first confession I’ve ever received in my life, so it must be strange if there’s another one.

This little child is amazing. Just remembering the confession that day made my cheeks feel hot.

Just then, the door opened and the little child appeared. I jumped up in surprise. Oh no, I must have shown that I have been looking forward to it. I felt ashamed of the little child’s stare at me, so I felt like I had to do something.

What to do? What am I supposed to do? …..Ah! First of all, I quickly went to the other side and sat down.

“I, I like here better.”

By muttering like that, I have announced that ‘I wasn’t waiting’ and ‘I originally wanted to sit here.’. Good! It was natural!

Perhaps my behavior wasn’t awkward, the little child who held Mrs. Seryl’s hand didn’t react much. There is no sign of happiness when you see someone you like. Rather, the little child checked the sweets instead. Her eyes were wide open, as if she was about to drool.

“What’s the matter?”

Even when I summoned up the courage to call her out, the little child pretended not to know. I swallowed my words because I didn’t have the courage to say ‘Why don’t you express your love for me?’

The little child is now openly starting to focus on sweets. Like a squirrel that had starved for two days without saying a word, she stuffed the sweets into her mouth.

It wasn’t what I expected. The little child’s face with her cheeks bulging was pretty cute, but on the other hand, I was annoyed. It’s true that I prepared it after thinking a lot about it, so I should be happy that people like it.

But it’s annoying to see her not paying attention to me and only eating sweets.

What’s the point of being cute! She thinks I’m worse than sweets!

She put one in her mouth and opened her eyes wide as if she had tasted something strange. Then she put another one in and opened her eyes wide again. It was cute to see her spilling out emotions as she didn’t know what to do with it because she liked it.

But it was disappointing. No matter how hard I try, she doesn’t even look.

I got frustrated and stabbed the cake in front of me, but the child didn’t pay attention to me.

Usually, other people will talk to me when I act like this. The little child, who just kept eating the sweets, stopped eating only after she finished the sweets I would usually eat for a week by myself.