CH 21

Chapter 21: Paper Rose

It had been a week since Li Sichen returned to China. Within this week, Ruan Zhizhi opened her eyes to his text messages every morning. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even midnight snacks and desserts were all arranged by Li Sichen. Even when Ruan Zhizhi had to work overtime at the office or didn’t want to go out to eat, he would devise ways to buy delicious food and have it delivered to her office or downstairs from her residence. 

If Ruan Zhizhi could have received this kind of treatment from Li Sichen three years ago, perhaps she would have woken up from her dreams laughing every night. But three years later, after a whole week passed, she finally digested the unreal feeling that Li Sichen had come back to pursue her. At last, she could calmly reflect on the matters between the two of them.

Li Sichen’s current treatment towards her was not fake. Ruan Zhizhi knew Li Sichen’s character the best. He was someone careless that dreaded troublesome things. If he truly didn’t hold her in his heart, it would be impossible for him to show care for her by sending three meals on time each day. Many times, she wanted to accept him, but whenever she was on the verge of saying what was on her mind, the words were unable to leave her lips. In her heart, she always felt faintly uneasy, as if she owed someone.

March had already arrived. The weather was warming up again. The frozen frost patterns on the road could no longer be seen, and the bare branches of the Chinese parasol trees in the middle of the road were beginning to sprout soft shoots. It all appeared so beautiful.

Ruan Zhizhi got up early that day and planned to tidy up her wardrobe at home before going to work. She took a pile of thick winter clothes out of the closet, carefully folded them one by one, and stuffed them into an unused box. 

When the final down jacket was folded, she flattened it and examined it as a formality, only to find that a pocket of the down jacket filled out slightly, as if there was something in it. 

Wrinkling her brow with some suspicion, Ruan Zhizhi placed her hand in the jacket pocket. The next second, she was unable to restrain her surprise.

Inside was the paper rose that Shi Yan had given her at the bar in Lijiang a long time ago.

She hadn’t seen Shi Yan for a week already.

Before, no matter where she went, she would definitely be able to run into him. But this week, no matter where she went, she never saw Shi Yan again—including at the coffee shop where he frequently went to buy macarons in the past. It was as if he had suddenly vanished from the face of the earth, disappearing cleanly from her life.

Sometimes, Ruan Zhizhi even had the illusion that she had never actually met Shi Yan before.

Because how could there be such a person that was clearly a complete stranger to you, but willingly invested in you and happened to appear again and again whenever you were in trouble? Just like the black knight in those children’s fairy tales who paid silently without expecting anything in return.

If it weren’t for the fact that Ruan Zhizhi had already passed the age where she believed in fairy tales, she probably would have thought that Shi Yan was an angel sent by God to save her, even if this angel had a very indifferent face. 

Ruan Zhizhi stood to the side of the closet in a trance, until the alarm on her phone sounded, reminding her to go to work. She finally returned to her senses. 

She turned her head to glance at the down jacket spread out on the bed and was suddenly a little disappointed.

For the rest of the day, Ruan Zhizhi looked ill at ease. She couldn’t lift her spirits at work, so she lay on the desk in a daze. Fortunately, Li Sichen’s company was on a business trip today. Otherwise, she feared that he would come to the office to deliver meals to her in a bit.

She really didn’t want to see Li Sichen now, because he always made her waver.

Ruan Zhizhi didn’t have an appetite during her lunch break, so she lay on the table listlessly and played on her cell phone. Beside her, Lu Wanyi quietly observed her for a while. She confirmed that Ruan Zhizhi didn’t have lunch plans before coming over to talk: “Zhizhi, how come your boyfriend didn’t come over to take you for a meal today?”

Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. She pondered for a while before realizing that the “boyfriend” Lu Wanyi spoke of must have been Li Sichen. She pursed her lips and explained, “He’s not my boyfriend, he’s just a friend, we…were once university classmates.”

Lu Wanyi was stupefied when she heard such words, but she quickly reacted and teased, “Don’t deceive me, how can an ordinary friend willingly deliver meals on time twenty-four hours a day? Not only that, but the way he looks at you, even a blind person can see that it’s full of love.”

“It’s really not like that, we—” Ruan Zhizhi paused here. She thought about how Lu Wanyi was her only close friend at work, so she decided to tell her the truth. “The relationship between us is complicated. In the past, when we were in university, I always liked him very much. But at the time, he didn’t seem to like me that way. After I graduated and returned to China, he stayed in the United States to work, and we cut off contact. I also felt I had come out of my secret love that resulted in failure. But this time, he returned to China and told me that he likes me. Right now my head is a mess. I don’t know what to do at all.”

Ruan Zhizhi said all these words in one breath, and suddenly felt a lot lighter in her heart.

Lu Wanyi nodded as if she didn’t really understand, following with a somewhat puzzled inquiry: “Zhizhi, do you still like him? If you like him, then accept. If you don’t like him, then decline. It’s obviously a simple thing, why feel troubled?”

“I don’t know.” Ruan Zhizhi sighed. “I think I still have feelings for him. But I don’t know why, there’s another voice in my heart telling me that I shouldn’t accept him.”

“I get it.” Lu Wanyi raised her eyebrows. “There must be someone else in your heart, right?”

“Someone else?” Ruan Zhizhi frowned slightly. 

“Right. For example, that handsome guy we ran into at dinner last time. You can see that he has a face that brings damage to the country and suffering to the people, but he still knows how to maintain distance from girls. The other day we were together for such a long time. His eyes didn’t stop on me for even a second. This is the kind of man that’s liked by all girls. My guess is that you must already have him in your heart, which is why you’re hesitant when facing the pursuit of another person.”

Lu Wanyi had a cup of hot coffee in hand. Her manner of speaking was completely certain, and after she finished talking, she lowered her head and blew on the steaming drink before taking a sip, leaving Ruan Zhizhi in a daze. 

Everyone said that Shi Yan liked her. But even if it was like this, she really couldn’t take these beliefs that Shi Yan liked her as given. On the chance that he didn’t, she would lose too much face. 

Moreover, if he truly liked her, then why hadn’t he contacted her after so long?

Or…because of Li Sichen’s appearance, did he decide to give her up?

In the end, Ruan Zhizhi couldn’t resist Lu Wanyi, so she put on her coat and followed her out for a meal.

Since their lunch break was only an hour and a half, the two casually found a McDonald’s near the company and planned to finish as quickly as possible. 

McDonald’s was always packed with people no matter what time of day it was. Ruan Zhizhi and Lu Wanyi stood in the crowd to line up, bored to death. People were coming and going around them, the atmosphere was crowded, and the voices were noisy.

Lu Wanyi stared at the crowd, lost in thought: “I remember when I first came to the company for the internship, I came to this McDonald’s to eat almost every day. Back then, I felt that time was money, and I didn’t want to waste a minute or second in order to get a full position smoothly.” She said this with a smile and continued. “I still remember that the first news manuscript I took over was about a corruption case. During that period, in order to arrange the materials, I was turned upside down almost every day.”

Influenced by Lu Wanyi’s mood, Ruan Zhizhi also followed her to recall some memories. She tilted her head and thought for a moment, then said, “The press release I got at the time was a murder of passion. I remember the contents of that case very clearly. After going through meticulous planning, a man murdered his wife who was having an affair. He didn’t expect that his seven-year-old son would witness the entire crime. After that, the son reported to the police and personally identified his father to them. Soon after, the man was sentenced to life imprisonment.”

“That little boy is so pitiful, ah…only seven years old and he had to experience this kind of painful incident. Just from hearing you talk about it, I already have goosebumps all over my body. I really don’t dare imagine his frame of mind at that time.”

“Right, that was a case from over twenty years ago. Now, that boy should be twenty-seven or twenty-eight. I don’t know how he’s doing.”

“He certainly can’t be doing well. His father is a murderer, and his mother had an affair and died at the hands of her husband. Above all else, he saw the entire thing with his own eyes. That child must have been subject to people’s lies and slander. Even if he’s lived safe and sound to date, it can be estimated that he would have a mental illness.”

The two chatted continuously for a while. When they reached the front of the line, the pair quickly concentrated on ordering from the menu and soon forgot the subject. 

In this world, unless the knife was also piercing you, it was impossible to feel someone’s suffering as if it was your own.

After ordering and finding a seat, Lu Wanyi went to the front counter to get ketchup and napkins. Ruan Zhizhi had just set her tray down when she heard a familiar and clear voice coming from behind her: “Sorry, may I ask if we can share the table?”

Ruan Zhizhi turned around. Sure enough, it was Chen Jiayan, who she hadn’t seen for ages.

“Zhizhi?! So it really is you. Just now I saw your back and thought it looked very familiar.” Chen Jiayan was also surprised to see her. In the next second, a familiar smile immediately appeared on his face, looking brilliant and sunny. 

Infected by his smile, Ruan Zhizhi’s mood also became cheerful. She pointed to the vacant seat across from her and said, “Sit down, it’s just Wanyi and I here.”

As soon as Chen Jiayan put his things on his seat, Lu Wanyi came back. She was obviously surprised to see Chen Jiayan: “The road truly is narrow for enemies! How can we run into you at McDonald’s?”

Chen Jiayan blinked, as if to say What can you do about me? “City A is only so big, and A University isn’t that far from here. What’s so strange about running into me?”

City A was only so big, but she never ran into Shi Yan anymore.

Ruan Zhizhi couldn’t help moving her lips to talk. In the end, however, she forcefully suppressed herself from inquiring about Shi Yan’s news like she wanted to.

What position did she have to ask about his current situation?

Lu Wanyi sat down next to Ruan Zhizhi. She turned her head and looked meaningfully at her, as if she suddenly remembered something. “Hey, the handsome guy that ate with you before, why didn’t he come today?”

Chen Jiayan tore open the burger wrapper with his hands while nonchalantly replying, “You’re talking about Ah Yan, ah. He requested a leave of absence today and didn’t come to work. Anyway, I can tell that he hasn’t been in a good mood lately. I don’t dare provoke this ancestor.”

Speaking up until there, he paused, then added: “But he was in a really good mood up until now. The whole person was like ice thawing and snow melting. I harboured suspicions that he was possessed by aliens.”

Shi Yan, he…wasn’t in a good mood recently?

It couldn’t be because of her, right?

Ruan Zhizhi silently listened to Chen Jiayan and Lu Wanyi’s chatter. Once in a while, she bowed her head to eat her burger without tasting it. For a long time, her train of thought had already journeyed to outer space.