CH 20

Chapter 20: Favoured

If, one day, the person you once liked deeply and the person who had always been extraordinarily good to you stood in front of you at the same time, would you be able to choose?

At this time, Li Sichen shot a glance at Shi Yan and suddenly spoke: “Zhizhi, how do you know Shi Yan?”

Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. She opened her mouth but didn’t know where to start. After a long time, she could only reply very stiffly: “It was just during a trip…we met by chance.” Once she finished speaking, she raised her head to look at Li Sichen and found that there was some hostility in his eyes when he looked at Shi Yan.

Li Sichen lowered his head and thought for a while. Then he slowly drew near, reaching out to pull the lower hem of Ruan Zhizhi’s clothes. His movements were very light, tugging a little cautiously.

Ruan Zhizhi’s body trembled uncontrollably. The memories that she thought had long since withered and faded clearly emerged within Li Sichen’s small action, frame by frame, surging forth violently. 

In the past, whenever he came to find her for something, he liked to reach out and pull the corner of her clothes. It was such a small gesture, without crossing the distance, but also revealed a slight intimacy. As if he treated her differently from the others. It could make her heart pound so easily.

It turned out that if it was someone you sincerely liked, no matter how long you were separated for, as long as you could see them again, you would still feel nervous, helpless, and scared witless.

“Zhizhi, I’ll take you to eat your favourite beef noodles, okay?” His tone of voice was full of pleading, and his fingers softly pulled at the hem of her clothes. It was a gesture and tone that Ruan Zhizhi couldn’t refuse at all.

Ruan Zhizhi didn’t remember how she left the hotel lobby with Li Sichen. She only remembered turning back to look at Shi Yan one last time.

From beginning to end, he stood there silently.

Even now he still stood in place, alone. His eyes were slightly lowered, and his expression couldn’t be seen clearly. Yet his whole body was full of a strong sense of loneliness.

He didn’t look too sad, as if in his heart, this choice came as no surprise.

It seemed he was already used to being given up.

Ruan Zhizhi suddenly regretted it a little.

The place Li Sichen brought her to was actually the Luji Noodle House that she had once visited with Shi Yan.

Ruan Zhizhi remembered that when she was there, she once saw a figure that looked very much like Li Sichen flitting by. Now, it seemed that it may not have been her illusion. 

She was in a daze as she sat down with Li Sichen. Watching the boss bring two steaming bowls of beef noodle soup to the table, she was absent-minded for a moment.

Li Sichen reached out and snapped apart a pair of chopsticks, passing them over to her. When he looked at her, his eyes were filled with a tenderness like water from the bottom of his heart. “Zhizhi, hurry and eat. The noodles will get cold and won’t taste good.”

Ruan Zhizhi lowered her head. The steam rising from the bowl of noodles spiralled in the air. She blinked, not knowing why her heart became more and more uneasy.

Shi Yan, he…even knew her little habit of not eating cilantro. 

Li Sichen also dismantled a pair of chopsticks for himself, as if he hadn’t discovered that Ruan Zhizhi’s mind was wandering. He lifted his head, sized up her expression, and said with deep thought, “Zhizhi, after you returned to China, I thought of you every single day.

“What happened on the day of my birthday party…I’m truly sorry. Back then, I thought I only considered you as a friend or brother. But after you left, I found out I was wrong.” Li Sichen spoke to himself. His gaze gradually drifted to the distance, as if sinking into memories. “Zhizhi, after you left, there was no other girl who could chat with me until late at night. There was no other girl who made me feel like I wanted to see them all the time. And there was no other girl…who could treat me with all their heart and soul like you.”

When he said this, the rims of his eyes were faintly red: “I found out that I’m inseparable from you. Every minute, every second I can’t be without you.”

The people surrounding them were noisy, but every word that Li Sichen said pierced into her heart like ten million tiny needles, word by word, clear and distinct.

Ruan Zhizhi felt that her hand gripping the chopsticks was shaking slightly. Her brain had already completely crashed and she didn’t even know how to face him now.

Nearly every day for the past three years, she dreamed that if, one day, Li Sichen felt regret and turned back to find her, how moved and pleasantly surprised she would be! After that, she would happily accept him.

But now that she really had waited for such a day, she didn’t know what to do with herself.

Perhaps she should accept Li Sichen, even if it was just to fulfill the secret love she had hidden for four years. 

And yet she hesitated.

“Zhizhi, you really can’t give me another chance? I swear, I’ll treat you wholeheartedly. I’ll make up for everything I owed you over the past few years. I won’t let you be wronged again.” Seeing the hesitant expression in her eyes, Li Sichen bit his lip and spoke eagerly. Reaching out, he lightly gripped her hand on top of the table.

His hands were still as warm as she remembered, unlike Shi Yan’s—even if his palms were warm, his fingers would always be ice-cold. 

Ruan Zhizhi was stunned for a long time before she finally regained her senses. She lifted her head and met Li Sichen’s gaze. Before she had time to consider, she subconsciously started to speak: “I…I don’t want to think about things like love right now.”

What was she saying?

She actually rejected Li Sichen, the only man she had ever liked since her youth. She rejected the man she put down her self-respect for, like a moth flying into the flame. She rejected the man she invested four years of her youth on. 

Li Sichen’s eyes dimmed immediately, and the hand that held hers slightly tightened. He stared at her without blinking, as if he wanted to judge whether she was sincerely refusing him or if she was being a reserved girl before accepting the confession.

After a long time, he finally let go and sighed helplessly: “It doesn’t matter, Zhizhi. I’ll wait for you, I’ll always wait for you. Just like you waited for me.”

When they finished eating, Ruan Zhizhi tactfully declined Li Sichen’s proposal to watch a movie together and insisted on taking a taxi home by herself.

When she returned home, she turned on the ceiling lamp. The inside of the house still felt empty and desolate. There wasn’t a trace of liveliness. 

Ruan Zhizhi was the kind of person who seemed independent and strong-minded on the outside. But in fact, she was actually the person who couldn’t take care of herself the most in this life. She was this old and still couldn’t cook. Normally at home, the most she did was boil instant noodles. Her work was also turned upside down day and night, so her biological clock was in disorder and it wasn’t healthy at all. 

In the past, she always thought that this kind of life was nothing. That being by herself was free and easy anyhow. But now, sitting alone on the large sofa, she suddenly felt a little lonely. 

In fact, she also wanted someone to accompany her.

Shi Yan was surely angry.

They had made an appointment to have dinner together, agreeing that they wouldn’t leave without seeing each other. But she actually rejected him to his face, and even left with another person. Even she herself knew that it was unforgivable.

Shi Yan was such a proud and arrogant person, he would definitely not pay attention to her in the future.

But…subconsciously, she really didn’t want to lose a friend like Shi Yan.

When Gu Nian’s call arrived, Ruan Zhizhi was in the kitchen cooking instant noodles in a daze. She reached out to press the green “talk” button. The environment on the opposite end was noisy, and Gu Nian’s voice hurriedly sounded: “Zhizhi, I heard that you and Li Sichen had dinner together today, how was it, how was it! Is there any major progress?”

Ruan Zhizhi was speechless. “Before, he and I…can there still be any progress.”

“Yi…impossible, ah. I heard from Fengjin that Li Sichen gave up a high-paying job overseas and had a falling out with his family just because he wanted to return to China. It was all in order to pursue you back. Fengjin said that this time, Li Sichen really knows he was wrong, and he knows he can’t live without you. He also asked me to persuade you and tell you that you must give him another chance.”

A “ding dong” sounded. The button on the kettle lit up, reminding her that her hot water was boiled.

Ruan Zhizhi held her cell phone in one hand to listen to the call while carefully pouring the scalding water into the bowl of instant noodles with the other hand. It looked as if her movements were neat and tidy, however the inside of her mind was in complete shambles.

“But…I’m not here to be Li Sichen’s lobbyist.” When Gu Nian said this, someone on the other end of the phone seemed to be calling her. Ruan Zhizhi heard Gu Nian’s distant response before she continued to say, “Zhizhi, I’m going to go home with Fengjin in a bit. Today is my once-in-a-lifetime wedding night. If it wasn’t for the fact that I think these words are very important for you, I wouldn’t have specially called you at this time.”

Ruan Zhizhi laughed, found a bowl to cover the instant noodle lid tightly, and said casually: “Hurry and tell me, my eldest miss, what instructions do you have?”

“Actually, there are no instructions. I just think, perhaps you should consider Shi Yan. He is much stronger than Li Sichen. Not only that, he treats you better.” After a pause, Gu Nian said pensively, “Before in university, no matter where we went, we would always come across Shi Yan. At the time I didn’t think much of it and believed it was merely coincidence. But looking back now, how can there be such a coincidence in this world? If one party hadn’t been working hard all along, even two people in the same city wouldn’t easily meet.”

She hurriedly finished these words and hung up the phone at rapid speed.

Leaving Ruan Zhizhi alone in the kitchen, lost in thought.

What Gu Nian meant was…Shi Yan deliberately looked for opportunities to make chance encounters with her?

With such a cold disposition as Shi Yan’s…it was extremely unlikely.

At nighttime, Ruan Zhizhi held the bowl of instant noodles in her hands. She was too lazy to turn on the lights, so in the darkness of her bedroom, she fumbled around to open her laptop.

She tilted her head and thought about it, then searched on Douban1: If the person you were secretly in love with comes back to you, what should you do?

This question had many people responding below, with each sticking to their own belief.

“Don’t be stupid. If he really liked you, he would have confessed back then. You were secretly in love with him and he could certainly sense it. Now he’s suddenly looking for you because there’s no one suitable around him. In his poor and boring circumstances, he once again thinks of how well you treated him and feels that you’re an easy success, nothing more.”

“Of course you have to accept, ah! There is a saying: Don’t care about eternity, only care about once having had. As long as I can have him, even for a brief moment, I will be perfectly content.”

“The second he rejected me, he already lost me forever.”

……

Ruan Zhizhi glanced through the comments one by one. Slowly, a hint of sleepiness arrived—until the next second, when she saw one answer:

“What you cannot obtain will always put you in turmoil. Those who are favoured are secure by knowing they have a backing.”

When all was said and done, was she, Ruan Zhizhi, considered as the one that could not obtain, or…the one that was favoured?

Translator’s Note: I don’t know if anyone had a difficult time getting the last comment. I was a bit confused at first, but this is what I think it means: Those that suffer unrequited love are in turmoil (pretty self-explanatory), but those who are being pursued have a sense of security because they know someone will always be there. Ruan Zhizhi wonders if she’s still someone in turmoil, or if she is someone favoured (by Shi Yan).