CH 487

Though I tried to help with the work, I didn't know how to do tasks like leatherworking or sharpening tools, so I only did simple labor.

Because of this, I couldn't assist in the work all day long.

However, this didn't mean I had completely abandoned my personal training.

I wasn't sure what wavering heart was, but unlike my previous Magic Body Strengthening, I tried to proceed with a feeling of controlling the flow of mana instead of just releasing it.

However, it was difficult to call this personal training.

Lena and Arta would always come to watch me.

"Are you going through puberty?"

"..."

I had almost forgotten about that, but when I heard such words from Arta, some long-forgotten emotions welled up within me.

Does this guy even know how old I am?

I was about to blurt that out but swallowed it instead.

But, puberty?

From the beginning, looking at my current state, I'd already passed puberty!

Seeing my expression, Arta snickered.

"Why do you get angry so easily? That's why nothing works out for you."

"Don't I look calm right now?"

This guy, I initially thought he was a calm person, but he wasn't at all.

He kept tossing annoying comments from the side.

Of course, I could crush him if I wanted to, but this wasn't like the times at the temple.

In reality, he was watching and teaching me what I needed to do, so it wasn't exactly annoying.

In fact, since the erratic flames of my Magic Body Strengthening were reacting to my emotions, I had no retort when I heard the puberty comment.

"Don't try to control your entire mana while releasing it. You're not at that level yet. First, get used to completely controlling a small amount of Magic Body Strengthening, then increase the total amount."

"Damn it, I know that too."

"If you know, then why don't you do it that way?"

"What will happen if I do it that way……!"

I was about to shout in irritation but closed my mouth.

Growing a little at a time is currently my best option.

But when, exactly, will I be able to perfectly control the immense magic I possess by doing that?

In the end, I couldn't let go of my impatience.

As I was about to flare up suddenly, Arta poked Lena and said,

"See? I told you he's got a bad temper."

"Stop poking Reinhardt!"

-Slap!

"Ouch!"

Finally, Lena lost her temper.

------

"I am calm."

"I attain peace of mind."

"I am tranquil."

"I attain peace of mind......"

"I am serene."

As I sat quietly on the ground at the construction site, murmuring those words, Arta's face turned pale.

"......Hey, I'm sorry. I went too far."

Apparently, thinking that I had gone insane and was speaking nonsense, Arta kept apologizing.

No.

I was trying to mix self-suggestion and word magic to forcibly attain peace of mind, not because I had gone crazy.

"Don't you think you should take a break……?"

Lena, too, thought my actions were a result of madness, and her face turned pale as she suggested that.

Well.

I couldn't deny that repeatedly telling myself to be calm might seem like the act of someone losing their mind.

------

The place Lena and Arta took me to rest was on the outskirts of Rizaira.

-Whoosh

I hadn't expected there to be such a massive waterfall in this area, so I could only stare blankly at it.

Down in the valley, villagers were washing clothes, and in the deep pool where the waterfall cascaded, children were swimming.

It occurred to me then that it was summer.

I hadn't been completely unaware, but it struck me how little I had been paying attention to the seasons.

"Shall we join them?"

"No, not really."

I declined Arta's invitation.

"Don't you like swimming?"

"I don't like kids."

"Ah..."

At my response, Lena nodded with a slightly deflated expression.

-Stop it!

-Cut it out!

I thought it would be bothersome to swim with the splashing children in the valley, especially if they clung to me.

I remembered the time I followed Olivia to the orphanage.

Back then, the children had clung to me, causing some trouble, and Olivia had laughed as if she found it amusing.

I wondered what had become of those children.

"..."

The more I thought about everything that had happened in the imperial city, the more despairing my feelings became.

Arta clicked his tongue at my dislike for children.

"This one seems to be the opposite of Ellen in some ways, but also similar in others, don't you think?"

"Maybe...?"

"Did Ellen dislike children too?"

At my question, Lena covered her mouth with her hand and tilted her head.

"It's more like she found them difficult to deal with."

I didn't think she'd be lively in her hometown, but perhaps Ellen maintained her stoic demeanor even here.

Arta watched the frolicking children.

"She wasn't always like that. She used to play well with kids, and even though she didn't talk much, she would go out and play with us and the children. But that changed after Ragan left."

"Is that so...?"

Ellen had changed after Ragan Artorius had left.

I tried to imagine what Ellen's past self, who supposedly wasn't like that, might have been like, but I couldn't quite grasp the feeling.

A laughing and frolicking Ellen didn't seem like the Ellen I knew.

Yet, if that were true, it didn't seem like a bad image either.

As a child, Ellen must have played in this valley, splashing in the water with the other children.

The water appeared to be quite deep.

Come to think of it, Ellen was an excellent swimmer.

Growing up in a place like this, her swimming skills must have developed naturally.

Suddenly, I realized where Ellen's swimming prowess had come from.

"I don't know for sure, but you think too much."

That was Arta's comment.

"Does it show?"

"Yes."

"Right."

Both Lena and Arta nodded simultaneously in response to my question.

"We don't know what you want or what you're really like."

"...I guess so."

"If it doesn't work out, just think of it as a break."

"A break?"

Arta stared at me.

"That's right, if nothing works out and you can't do anything, at least take a break. Not being able to rest is a terrible thing."

"Yeah, Reinhardt, you really need to take a break. You look like you have no leisure."

Both of them didn't know that I was the Demon King or the ruler of the country of Edina.

But they had continuously sensed my anxiety and impatience. That's why they could tell from my actions that I had no leisure.

To take a break.

To simply rest without a thought.

Was that even possible for me?

The days here seemed meaningless, as I gained nothing while time passed. The sense of futility in this situation returned as guilt.

However, I couldn't deny Arta's words that not taking a break was foolish.

For two years, I had run tirelessly, seen more than my share of cruelty, made brutal decisions, and faced excruciating choices.

What would change if I took a break?

How much rest would it take to bring peace to my chaotic heart?

I didn't know.

-Splash!

-Stop it!

-Ah, enough! Stop!

I watched children playing carelessly in the water.

-Swoooosh!

And I stared at the massive waterfall pouring down.

I took a break.

But I didn't know about resting.

I wanted to try something bizarre.

An action I would never normally take.

A deed that could only be done in a place like this, at a moment like this.

“Shall we swim?”

“No.”

I began to stand under the waterfall, letting the water hit me.

Without any Magic Body Strengthening, with my bare body.

Lena and Arta started to look at me as if I was a madman, standing suddenly beneath the waterfall.

-Swoooosh!

-What are you doing?

-Brother! What are you doing?

Even the children began to stare at me as if I were a strange person.

I had thought of the cliché that enlightened people gain insight by doing such things.

Of course, there was no insight, just a terrible pain as if my scalp was being peeled off.

It hurt so much, it felt like my body was breaking when I faced the waterfall without any Magic Body Strengthening.

Interestingly, the physical pain made me forget the anguish that my heart was about to shatter.

After that, I sat in meditation beneath the waterfall whenever I had time.

I knew that I couldn't become an immortal by meditating under a pouring waterfall.

On the contrary, it would be a disaster if I became an immortal. I wanted to do what I could in this world, so ascending due to sudden enlightenment would be a disaster.

I knew nothing about the meaning of asceticism and didn't understand its purpose.

All I had felt was that physical pain somewhat diluted mental anguish.

It was not asceticism based on religion or belief, but simply a physical one.

Without using any Magic Body Strengthening, with my bare body, I was hit by the giant waterfall. When I did that all day, I could hardly move due to the pain in my entire body.

In that state, I would collapse and fall asleep without any thoughts, like fainting.

“...What are you doing these days, coming back soaked all the time?”

“I'm cultivating the Way.”

“...?”

Watching Luna's confused reaction to my words was quite amusing.

Enduring such pain without using magic to protect my body was extremely painful.

But the funny thing was, my physical abilities had already surpassed the level of an ordinary person long ago.

No matter how painful it was, even if I fell asleep with my body aching all over, my body would return to its original state the next day, with only a slight pain left.

It was impossible for me in my current state not to think at all.

That's why I treated my body harshly, making it unable to focus on external matters.

It was a simple and crude method, but it was undeniably effective.

It wasn't to the point where I couldn't think at all, but as I stood there being hit by the torrent of water, I could somewhat understand what a state of selflessness was.

Honestly, I didn't need such grandiose words.

It was just painful, so painful that I couldn't think of anything else.

There was a funny incident as well.

“You're acting like an ascetic just because I teased you a little about going through puberty?”

At first, Arta, who had been teasing me, now sat beside me, taking the waterfall together.

"Hmm... Should I give it a try?"

Moreover, since Arta did it, Lena also quietly entered the waterfall, wanting to try it herself.

"Kyaa!"

"Hey! You, why did you come?"

Lena, not only in pain but with her clothes half-removed by the pouring water, screamed and dashed out.

With a flushed face, Lena pulled up her clothes and returned to the village.

Arta was also shivering next to me, his lips trembling.

Though it seemed obvious, there was no doubt that Arta liked Lena.

I sat with Arta under the waterfall.

"I was born and raised here! But you're the first outsider to do something like this!"

"Who else would do such a bizarre thing?"

"You do realize it's bizarre, don't you?"

Arta laughed as he took the waterfall.

During the summer, children were always in the valley, and older brothers and older men would take the waterfall, so the children, intrigued, would sneak up and try it for themselves.

Usually, they would flee in disarray as the waterfall hit their heads, but some gritted their teeth and endured it.

"Bro! Is this fun?!"

An unknown village boy shouted at me.

"How could it be fun!"

"Then why do it?"

"I don't know!"

Why do something that's not fun but only painful?

The children asked me, but I didn't know the answer either.

However.

Every time the waterfall struck my head and body.

I could distinctly feel the layers of grime in my heart being washed away.

Swoooosh!

Though the roaring waterfall noise shook the air around me.

My mind gradually became serene.

I could clearly sense the noisy silence, as if nothing existed in the world but the sound of the pouring water.

Magic Body Strengthening is a power for battle.

I awoke to Magic Body Strengthening during my fight with Oscar de Gardias.

I awoke to my supernatural ability of Self-Suggestion, the power of Magic Body Strengthening, and the power of Word Magic, all through combat.

Thinking about it, this approach is far from ordinary.

I cannot deny that I was given such power due to the fate at work within me.

In a normal situation, I would have been severely injured or dead, but instead, I advanced to the next stage.

In the end, it felt like cheating.

The yoga master teacher, whose whereabouts are now unknown.

That teacher must have been quite skilled, as he would have taken on his own role in facing the Gate incident.

The yoga master teacher's lessons were fundamentally similar to hypnosis.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Eventually, we all fell asleep.

And when we woke up, we arose amid an inexplicable freshness.

After that, once Ellen and I had awakened to Magic Body Strengthening, we received special lessons.

The yoga master teacher did not teach Magic Body Strengthening as a means for fighting. The teacher spoke of how to control one's mind and the flow of mana.

Magic Body Strengthening is a power that greatly increases physical output, specialized for battle.

But is it really only for battle?

The yoga master teacher seemed to approach things like Magic Body Strengthening and the circulation of mana as a way of cultivating the mind.

The same went for Luna, Ronan, and Arta.

They didn't discuss the output or precision of Magic Body Strengthening but rather saw it as a matter of the heart.

They emphasized will over power. 

Magic Body Strengthening was not a power that strengthened one's combat ability; rather, it was a psychological action that reveals the strength of the mind and the sophistication of the mind as the strength of the body.

I was not strong of heart.

I simply endured, endured, and endured some more.

A broken heart truly affects the body.

It could cause tears to flow easily, hyperventilation, or numbness in one's limbs. The collapse of the mind disrupts the control over the body.

Of course, the opposite is also possible.

The mind and the body share a reciprocal relationship.

Forgetting my mental anguish to some extent through physical pain is an example of this.

If so, could the opposite be true?

When a person's heart is in pain, could their body actually hurt as well?

If the mental fortitude of those with strong hearts affects their bodies,

Could a person with a strong heart convert that strength into actual physical strength?

Kwarruarruarruarruarru

The roaring sound of the waterfall hits my entire body with an intensity akin to a downpour.

So far, I have resolved everything through fighting.

That's why I thought that if I continuously used Magic Body Strengthening to exhaust and replenish, exhaust and replenish, somehow, it would work.

However, strictly speaking, I was on the path of the wicked.

Realizing strength within combat was not supposed to happen in the first place.

Such events occurred too frequently, and I gradually came to believe that it was natural to awaken power through such fateful battles.

Ellen, my goal and ideal, was also like that.

Also, I had been unable to escape the idea that Magic Body Strengthening was a mere tool and a means for fighting.

Magic Body Strengthening.

A means of channeling the magic within the body to enhance one's physical abilities.

But this wasn't an issue to approach in such a way.

Magic Body Strengthening could be approached as a tool, but it wasn't necessary to do so.

As the yoga master had said.

As Luna and Ronan had said.

As Arta had mentioned.

This was a principle, a way in which the mind and spirit affected the body through the medium of magic.

Therefore, I must approach this as an issue of the mind and spirit.

At some point, suppressing my thoughts and pushing forward rather than expressing myself, while suppressing countless worries and torments,

I thought I would deal with everything when it was over.

I decided to grieve after everything was resolved.

Next.

The next moment.

As I postponed and accumulated countless tasks, my spirit grew murky, and the suppressed emotions were left to rot, unable to be expressed.

A chaotic mind only led to chaotic mana flames, wildly discharged.

My body could withstand it because I was abnormally strong.

I was merely driving unrefined, violent power into an excessively strong frame. It was strange that I could bear it.

I could not properly control my mind.

I simply slammed the vast magic into my body like a flood.

Therefore, I could not use my body properly.

The problem originating from the mind led to issues with the control of magic and, ultimately, to problems with the control of the body.

Now, I must abandon the wicked path.

I am a hollow, rotten tree.

At first glance, I may appear massive, but my insides have decayed and died so miserably that I can no longer grow. I am a monster of sheer size.

I don't know how to let go of this pain and despair. No, I don't even know if I should let it go.

But I know that the problem was that I only endured it.

It wasn't endurance; it was avoidance.

While driving myself with the words "don't think about it yet," I had been avoiding everything.

Instead of enduring the contemplation of unanswered problems, I was avoiding thinking about them.

I still don't have the courage to confront those problems head-on, but gaining the hope that simply knowing what the problem is can make things a little better.

The pain has disappeared.

No blue light emanates from my body.

However, due to the magic wrapping around my body and enhancing my physical strength, I didn't feel the pain of the water striking me.

A pure heart.

Pure Magic Body Strengthening.

I could take that first step.

Yet it was only the first step; this is not the end.

I must move on to the next stage.

To the next level.

I can.

I will.