Chapter 65 To Feel Sorry

I was still on the hill. I spotted that one opponent I could crush. Stepping out of the hill, I had a bird's eye view of the forest surrounding me. There, I found my elf White-haired. With him, his voice was raised, it yelled, and it begged. If not for the heavy rain pounding the earth so loudly, my keen ears would have picked up his voice already. He wasn't alone, and he yelled, implored, and supplicated, devastated as he was.

Now that I saw the elf, his loud voice carried to me. "B-But— Princess!" And a female's voice rang out beneath his. It was an excited, startled, and panicked voice. "Just leave me alone! A-All of you! And do not pursue me again—I forbid it!"

"Princess! You cannot possibly…!"

"I now know, you elf who calls himself my protector! I know— I now have found the strength it takes!" With a broken dialogue, the elven princess struggled to find the right words. "I have found it! You who call yourself my protector d-d-didn't…! Argh! Enough! Please, just leave me alone!" Her shrill voice carried to my ears, and the sorrowful sky mostly drowned the blooming flowers of the earth, instead of aiding and promoting their growth. The princess had a hard time expressing what she wanted to say, so she did it with her acts anyway.

When the insistent elf begged her to reconsider—the same elf who was no longer willing to enforce his will on the princess, forcing her to be a docile girl and sacrifice herself against her own volition—the elven princess crouched into a ball, shrieked with panic and sadness, covered her ears and prayed for it to stop. But her attendant was unable to back off. He couldn't. He knew perfectly well that he caused grief to his royalty, but he was resolved to have her follow him and offer their people at least a meager chance at surviving the war.

In this setting, the sorrow and harshness were palpable. Standing up from my hill, I watched these two, struggling to dance their fates away. The princess was intent on finding a new way, and her attendant was intent on going with the original plan. So she yelled she wouldn't go back there as the elf begged her to reconsider. What a mess that sight was. It was unpleasant. Let them just fight it out and see who the winner is. But no, they wouldn't.

"I don't want to!" the girl shrieked in tears.

"D-Didn't we agree to—" The elf knelt to her to press an answer out of her. It was sad, but he knew he needed to take advantage of her weakness to see a 'favorable' way out of this problem.

"Come on, you! I was frightened, so frightened, when Father passed! I was in grief, I was looking for a new—" They agreed to nothing. The elven princess undid her guard and pushed the elf's hands away with restless, shaky hands. She might have tried to put up a strong front, but any onlooker could see it was harsh on her anxious little mind.

"Princess!" And at this point, replace all of the 'Princess!' of that elf with 'Bark!' and it would be more fitting. He was like a wild dog who knew not to utter other words than high-strung barking sounds. I made fun of the elf, but in truth, this dispute was also hard on him. What could he do if not fight his way through?

"—looking for a new way! But you took advantage of that—"

"Your people need you!"

"'My people'? They were the ones agreeing to sacrifice Father in the first place—"

"B-B-But they had no choice—"

"So be it! No choice you dare say! We should have fought! Valiantly! Well so be it! I-I-I will… have no choice, either!" Biting her lip, she wiped her tears away but they kept flowing.

"Princess! I humbly beg you to reconsider!" The elf swore he wouldn't force her princess more than with words. If it came to it, he promised himself he would follow her to the end of the continent and beg her to reconsider all the while. That was a desperate man. Bowing and fiercely gripping the maiden's shoulders, he prayed she would fall as silent as she was before me. He knew he was a scum for it, but he had no choice.

The princess didn't respond kindly to that. She wished to, really, but couldn't. She wished all of it would just be a nightmare. She wished her tears were her delusion. She wished her people were strong under her Father. None of these wishes came true. And her desperation only built up.

Crying, sobbing, wailing, she also tried to have her way. She had to try. "Y-You don't get it! I-I want to live! You misled me! And—cough, cough, cough!—you took advantage of my ignorance! Just leave me be…! Please! A-And besides, I refuse to be the sacrifice of such a hopeless… That is hopeless! Yes! The demons will NOT—do you hear?—will not promise us life and be a honest people! Th-They will… wrong us again! ...Please, I just want to… li…ve…!"

"Please… say no more!"

"I will speak and you will… listen! I-I was weak… and helpless… and no better than dead! But I-I found him! …The monster protected me, unlike you!" the elven princess pointed a finger at her attendant. She really kept oscillating between being brave and being a helpless mess of hot tears. "H-He taught me to be strong! H-He was as helpless and lost as I was… not understanding anything! Anything at all! He was lost too…! Just like I am! I-I felt what he felt and saw what he saw! But the boy I met still pushed through! A-And I… I found strength…! He was just like me, but he decided to… not stay like me! Not stay helpless and… That night, when I silently called for help… he was the one who came to me! I thought I'd be killed… but no! In the end, he was gentle and said he was 'sorry'!"

"P-Princess… What might…?"

"You don't get it! This meant so much to me! He said he was 'sorry'! Nobody ever was sorry before!" Her eyes were full of tears, and she still wiped them off with shaky hands. "Nobody! But this… boy was! In the end, the monster protected me! He saved me! W-W-W-We even shared a soul, so I will go and… find him… and ask him to…" Somewhat bashful, the elven princess had gotten to the last parts of her verbal crusade.

"Princess! The Noble Spirit cannot fight the demons!"

"Y-You don't get it! I will live! And my people will run… if that's what it takes! Even if we lose the forest… we still—!"

"The Elders' Council will not agree to that, and you know it! If it were that simple—"

"T-T-T-To hell with that! We shared a soul! I-I-I— Both he and I were one! After a day passed I felt what he felt—we shared feelings! He was like me, and he still is! That meant so… much…! I wasn't alone anymore! He'd said he was sorry, then I felt sorry for him too! H-H-He… went through… a lot… but he kept pushing…! To hell with the elders! D-Don't approach me! I forbid it!"

"Princess… This is unbecoming! The elders—"

"I'll find him and go with him… and his uncle! Uncle I wished I had! I-I'm convinced he'll offer me a home, too! And that'll sure change from a certain 'wise and brilliant' elder I know…! I-If it's this boy anyway then… I hope he'll… accept me…"

"Princess!"

"No! He was gentle! And said he felt sorry!"

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There was no mistaking it—the elven princess was living. I only learned it now that I saw her as she was crying and wailing, waving her arms around, and shrieking her true feelings at her attendant. The girl was perfectly living. She spoke a great deal—the theme of it all was strength. Or rather, my strength. The strength that apparently inspired the elven princess, and the strength which allowed her to even now, as she was oh-so-feverish and slightly delirious, put up a strong fight. Yes. She also seemed to speak fondly of the monster.

For another minute, their heated discussion still went on as their voices raised on top of now another to the points of heartbreaking yells and shrieks. The elven princess, though brave she had decided to be, thanks to the young boy she met, still couldn't help the tears off her eyes, her shaky voice, and all the steps back she took, putting distance between her and her so-called protector and attendant.

In between tight breaths, she kept repeating that she was scared and that she ordered the elf not to approach her. Unable not to go home without the princess, he however didn't back away and still timidly approached her, step by step, silently muttering words of apology, devastation, and self-hate under his breath.

His expression didn't change. It was still deeply carved with distress and anguish. Ever since the beginning, that's how the elf had been. He might have smiled at me and told me everything was all right with a bright complexion, but all of this wild affair always had been so heavy on him. So much so that this anguished, twisted face of his was part of his being, by now. But the princess, too, wasn't left scarless from their whole unceremonious arguing. All in all, both the elves were in a woeful state.