CH 105.3

Chapter 105.3 - Surviving the Harsh Reality, Conclusion

I heard that I was Mizuki-sensei who, along with the rescue team, rescued me from the hospital’s rehabilitation room, where I had shrunk to the ground.

Including her and myself, less than a hundred people escaped from the school safely, and the death rate was said to be over 90%.

After undergoing a thorough examination at the hospital, I was sent home.

My family, who lived in the city, were all dead and school won’t be opening anytime soon. When I got back, my daily life had shattered.

According to the reports, the incident has been brought to an end due to the intervention of the police and the self defense force but that’s not true. I read on the net that the outbreak progressed not just around the school but across the city.

Later, I found that the zombie outbreak disappeared the moment the zombies Kagee had summoned died and the zombified dead returned to being mere corpses.

The zombie outbreak made headlines around the world and although there were many theories as to the cause, no virus was found. Eventually, the people who were stopped by the outbreak returned to their daily lives.

Within a month, newspapers would be filled with different stories about the deaths of so many people.

All that remains are the traces of uncertain rumors in the corners of the internet sites.

All of this doesn’t matter anymore.

I became lethargic and tended to stay home. I was too lazy to deal with Mizuki-sensei and the counselors who kept coming to check on me so I mostly ignored them.

But even if I stayed home, there was nothing to do, not even masturbate.

Strangely enough, I haven’t had any sexual desire at all since then.

When I looked out the window of my house, I saw that it was cloudy and it will rain again today.

My feelings were like that too.

All my other memories have become hazy and all I can recall is Kagee.

I keep thinking about her through the day as I play with the “wishing orb” she gave me.

Every time I remember it, I feel pain but I still do so over and over again. And I cry over and over again.

If you could grant my wish, I would like you to revive Kagee.

I mock myself as I cry like a woman. Mocking how I even picture myself like a hero from a tragedy movie.

I’m being sarcastic, I’m not even cool.

I’m just a bum who talks a lot but useless when it comes down to it. I can’t even protect a woman with my own hands.

I was a stupid clown who didn’t know what he was talking about. Many of my classmates I used to make fun of were heroes who met their honorable ends.

Even Kagee, who caused the tragedy, died to keep me alive. I survived because I was a cowardly, helpless brat.

Hey, think about it.

That time. If we go back to that time again and I take a different route, will I be able to save Kagee?

No….I can’t. No matter how many times I simulate it, I don’t have that kind of power.

I didn’t even have the courage to see the end of Kagee, who jumped down, slammed to the ground, and died. I didn’t dare look.

So, even if I revive Kagee, she will surely die the same way again. Would I let her repeat the crime of killing so many people as collateral damage and the horror and pain of death?

My other me yells inside me.

I know I’m just saying that I’m in pain and I want things to go back to the way they were but that’s not good enough. That wouldn’t save anyone.

If I go back in time as a weak and helpless me, nothing will change. What’s broken is broken and fate can’t change it.

I wish that the “wishing orb” that I’m holding in my hand would give me confidence to do so or do something to this weak and helpless me but it seems that’s impossible.

It doesn’t even heal the pain of regret that has been piling up my heart since that time.

It is a wishing orb that will make anything come true.

Even if this marble had the power to change the world, if it can’t even save one girl, what’s the point?

Clutching the useless marble, I gave up my fantasy of going back to the past to save Kagee.

Still, I don’t want to return to this painful reality so I should move on to a new fantasy.

For example, how about an isekai fantasy?

What if I could meet Kagee again in some other world far away? Kagee might be in trouble in that world but I might have enough to save her there.

Yeah, what if Kagee is a beautiful elf princess and I’m a hero with magic sword?

And the two of us would meet again at the end of our adventure. By then, I’ll work hard and become a great hero who can save everyone and then, I can save Kagee too.

….happy ending.

Ahahaha, I laugh out loud for the first time in a long time.

It was a bit too convenient and unfair. That’s too much of a cheat.

However, if I go to the end of another world, even the helpless me can say what I wanted to say that time.

Hold her little hand again and tell her the words that before it was too late:

「Please don’t die, stay with me forever….」

At that time, in that place, I will hold on to the hand that I will never be able to hold again in this world and this time, I’ll never let her go.

I will protect the people I care about.

The other me, the one who has been cursing me so loudly, finally shuts down.

For a moment, it is quiet and the outline of the curled up me on the bed floats away from the world.

Tears of regret for losing something I can never get back, the pain of regret that keeps squeezing my chest for a long time.

The sound of rain falling from the sky never stops.

Still, I felt a little bit saved after having played a series of convenient fantasies so I clutched the “wishing orb” and went to sleep.

Soon, the harsh reality comes to an end and the harsh fantasy begins.