Chapter 294

I barely lowered my head and looked at my outfit again. I was wearing a muslin chemise that has no décorrations except for a couple of folds.

Did I jump into his arms wearing this?

When I recalled his embarrassed expression, I blushed suddenly.

While I was sitting aghast for some time, I put on other clothes with a sigh. Then, I put on a thin shawl and once again checked it before opening the door.

Looking around, I saw him standing by the window at the end of a dark corridor and looking up at the sky.

“It’s rather dark outside, but won’t you walk with me for a while?”

I nodded at him, who asked me carefully, then I walked toward the garden with him.

Was it because the winter was around the corner? The night air that touched my skin was quite cold. I breathed in the moist air that wrapped around my body. The breath I was letting out faintly rolled up and scattered into the air.

The moon lurking in the clouds poked out its face. In the deep night when even the worms were asleep, only the sound of his and my footsteps rang out in a space filled with a silvery halo. Listening to that small, regular sound from the grass, I looked to my side at his sudden calling.

“Aristia.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“As for the fate you said a little while ago… are you referring to that dream?”

I was suddenly speechless. What should I answer? Given that he asked the same question in the past, it seemed that he also knew something about my past. But do I need to tell him about it when he doesn’t know the details? What if he would be hurt by what I have to say?

“…Let’s sit down first. ”

“Oh, yes, Your Majesty.”

When I nodded, he took out a handkerchief and laid it on the bench. Then he had me sit down although I refused.

“I told you that you shouldn’t sit on the cold floor as you are so weak.”

“… Thank you, Your Majesty. ”

He nodded silently and sat next to me. He said, looking up silently at the branches of the della flower tree over my head, “Please tell me what kind of man I was in your dream.”

“…”

“I want to know how I hurt you or what you wanted in your dreams.”

“…”

“So… I want to make sure you never go through that again. ”

When I was asked the same question in the mist in the past, I didn’t answer to the end because I didn’t trust him then. Of course, I didn’t want to hurt him, but the bigger reason was that I didn’t trust him.

But now it was different because I trusted him. I knew he really loved me, so I had no reason not to tell him about my past, which I had already gotten off my chest. What I was worried about was that he might feel hurt after listening to my story.

“Well, I had a long dream. ”

I began to tell him, looking up at the stars shining in the dark. I had so many stories to tell him, which started with my first meeting with him when I was ten, such as the fact that I made all-out efforts to become a woman who was suitable for him, but the more I did, the more I felt estranged from him, the fact that I was struggling to survive in the social circles, the fact that I always felt heartbroken, finding he was always cold to me, the fact I became his concubine after Jiun took the status of the empress from me, and the fact that I stood up all night, wrestling with Jiun’s work, and…

I caught my breath slowly.

I think I have to stop here and tell him no more.

But even though I didn’t mention the most sensitive part of my story, he already seemed to have guessed what would come next. After remaining silent for some time with a complicated expression, he said with a deep sigh.

“… I see. I think I know pretty much about it. It was not a happy ending, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I think I’ve hurt you with useless things…”

“Don’t say that. Maybe that was true. It could have happened like that. As a child, I was full of jealousy and envy towards you all the time.”

He raised his head and looked up at the sky. As he fixed his deep blue eyes on the silvery halo in the sky, I turned my head and looked at the night sky that was gradually brightening.

“When I stopped by your house briefly while I was on the border inspection, I thought a lot, looking at you as you spaced out to see me. Um, let me be honest. I heard you were learning swordsmanship, and I know what happened during your coming-of-age ceremony, but I didn’t believe you were truly on it until then. I just thought you were doing it to draw my attention. I believed you were trying to make a protective shield just in case you might be destined to be my concubine because of your right to succeed the throne.”

“…”

“But I knew I was mistaken when I saw you on that day. Then I suddenly became curious about why you were scared of me and why you went to the trouble of breaking off your engagement with me by all means. As I heard that you spaced out due to psychological shock, I told my staff to bring me everything that could give me some clue. And I came to see the letter from Duke Verita Jr.”

He let out a sigh and said, “I was embarrassed at first then angry. I could not understand how you could have such a dream, even if you hated me so much. So, I went to see you to give you a piece of my mind, but when I saw you sitting blankly, I suddenly thought that you looked so weak that you could crumble at any moment even at my merest touch. Only then did I recall one fact that I had forgotten for long. In other words, you were only thirteen then, and although you always acted as if you had no emotion, you were so tender that you even lost your memories because of the shock at the loss of your mother.”

“…”

“I suddenly felt sorry for you. Why? Because I hated you all along for what happened in your childhood, which you could not even remember. I felt even more sorry when I thought you had such a nightmare. I kept thinking you ended up being in this condition because of my childish behavior. I was even afraid you might live like that for the rest of your life.”

I see. Come to think of it, he said things like this to me when I was between sleep and wake because of poisoning. He said he couldn’t approach me for fear I would space out again, so he could not do anything for me.

“In fact, I felt close to Duke Jena until then. I found it difficult to deal with the two dukes and your father at that time, but Duke Jena always treated me kindly. I would not have distrusted him over the matter of the crown prince’s concubine if I had not looked at you differently. I was terrified when I thought what would have happened if I had continued to hate you and trusted the duke…”

His voice with a sigh echoed into the air. After remaining silent in a pensive mood for some time, he said suddenly, “Aristia.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“I think I was the worst in your dream… How do I look now?”

“You are a great emperor.”

When I replied in a low voice, he said with a deep sigh after quickly looking at me, “Is that all? I see. I was just a good emperor to you.”

“…Your Majesty.”

“Aha, that’s why you cared so much about Carsein, not paying so much attention to me when I came running to save you on the day you were ambushed recently, right?”

“Oh, no, that’s not true …”

He said in an exaggerated tone, stopping me when I was trying to make excuses hurriedly, “Well, I think I forgot I have a bigger rival than him. Answer me, Aristia. Who is the man that has won over your heart? Me or the old me in your dream?”

“… The man in my dream looked like you, but he was a totally different man from you. So, don’t worry.”

“Whew! Now I feel like the imaginary me, in addition to Carsein and Allendis, is my rival lover. Don’t you think you are too popular? I feel like I’m going to be consumed with anxiety about you.”

“…”