Chapter 271: The Wall Between Us

"This is cold again," I said after gulping down the tea from my cup after I finished telling her everything about my past that she wanted to know.

Although I'm not expecting a great reaction, I still watched over Shizu-senpai's face as she continued to digest what I just told her. Her hand clasped on mine was already wet from our sweaty palms.

Just like with Nami, there's a trace of shock in her face but ultimately, her eyes that were out of focus slowly rested on my face.

"Onoda-kun. If what you said were all true… you would've been sent to prison once the authority was informed about it."

"I'm aware, senpai. But I was careful enough to not leave a trace."

Except for the evidence which I kept in my house.

Also, none of the girls ever reported me. I'm not sure if it's because I treated them the same way as I treated those girls who managed to reconnect with me or it's because they're afraid for their black history with me to be made known. Either way, I just have this confidence that none of them will talk about what happened between us.

"What do you think? Do you hate me more now? I'm never a good guy." I shrugged and let go of her hand. After that, I stood up to pick up our teacups and moved towards the sink to wash them.

I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid to hear her say yes or I'm just trying to run away from this situation. Although I'm not proud of what I did before, I'm not regretting any of it as it was something I desired to do. It hurt a lot of them and I managed to mend some of it. However, there's no way that part of my life will be erased.

Nami, Satsuki, Aya and Kana accepted my past but their decisions were based on what I did for them at the present. If they were present at that time, will their decision change? Although there's now the example of the girls I managed to reconnect with which tells a different story than I remembered myself, not everyone will be like them.

"Onoda-kun."

At some point, Shizu-senpai was already standing behind me. And just like the last time I was here, I felt her arms slipping to my sides before the softness of her front pressed against my back.

"It is truly hateful to hear everything you did to those girls… But I can't decide yet if I only heard your own perspective about it. Are you sure you're not seeing it differently? Otherwise, those girls you met yesterday will not want to reconnect with you."

"You're right. What I told you was how I saw it from my own perspective. I asked them one by one why they still want to reconnect with me if they experienced all of those. As it turns out, they're seeing a different version of me."

I let her hug me while I didn't stop my hands to finish what I'm doing.

If someone suddenly enters the room and sees the state we are in, it will not be wrong if they think that we're in a relationship.

Now, I want to see that Inugaki-senpai come in and see Shizu-senpai clinging onto me. Will he snarl like an angry dog?

"Is it possible to talk to them? I want to hear their perspective. I can't decide with just yours…"

"It depends on them. But senpai. I thought you don't want me to be in multiple relationships? Will you not expose yourself to the thing you don't want to experience?"

This girl is even going the extra mile to even want to hear my past from their eyes. Is it a simple like on her part? We didn't have a good start and we didn't have a lot of time to spend together.

Every progress was made in this room. From seeing through her real self, declaring how I want to help her open up to others, confessing to her, helping her see how efficient it will be to work together, telling me how she hated my multiple relationships and now finally openly admitting her feelings for me.

"… This is me trying to learn more about the guy I like. I don't have any experience in this. You expressed your stand that despite liking me, you will not bend to what I want that's why…"

In a soft and gentle tone, Shizu-senpai replied.

Hearing her say it in words, it successfully put a smile on my face.

"I understand. Can I add you in Messenger? That way I will be able to tell them to contact you for your inquiry."

"I… I will make one later."

This girl, at what year is she currently living? Well, I could say the same to myself. I also only installed the app upon reaching high school.

"Alright. But are you sure you want to keep hugging me, senpai?"

"I still want to reward you for your work. This is it. Don't refuse, Onoda-kun."

Shizu-senpai answered as she tip-toed a bit to reach my lowered shoulder, resting her chin on it, I felt her arm tightened on my navel.

Turning my head a bit to sneak a glance at her, I saw how she comfortably rested her head on my shoulder with her eyes closed.

"You're making me like you more, senpai" I whispered and upon hearing it, her face naturally turned red despite her effort to resist it.

-

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It's only two cups and a teapot so it didn't take that long. When I finished, Shizu-senpai instantly separated herself from me before staggering back to the long table.

Watching her act cutely like this, no one will think that she's that headstrong Shizu-senpai in their clubroom who questioned my existence as Nami's boyfriend.

Before she reached and pulled her chair to sit back on it, my feet took huge strides to catch up to her.

Copying what she did earlier, I promptly put her in my embrace but this time I pulled her body to rest her back on me. When I felt no resistance from her, I tightened my arms and whispered in her ear.

"Can I call you intimately like this, Shizu?"

With her eyes closed, she deliberated for a while or she was just trying to get a better feel on her back before answering in a sweet voice. Changing the way she calls me as well.

"… Only when we're alone… Ruki."

"I understand. I will tell you something."

"What is it?"

"When we're alone like this, I'm yours alone. Is this not enough?"

This is how it always is with my girls after all. But for sure, this is not enough for this girl.

Shizu-senpai shook her head.

"Not enough. Perhaps I'm as greedy as you, Ruki. But only towards you."

Emphasizing 'on only towards me', she's trying to tug at my conscience. Everyone is devoted towards me but at the same time, I'm devoted towards all of them. It's truly scummy, right?

"I can't say I'm not happy to hear that. You're already this close to me but one huge wall is preventing us to truly be together. And it's sad since I'm the one who built that wall. I can destroy that wall easily if I choose to but I will never do that."

"See how cruel you are?"

Shizu-senpai showed a rare smirk as she put her hand over mine, rubbing her thumb on it.

"I know. Let me continue helping you instead."

Until she can finalize her decision about our relationship, I will continue using this excuse to be this close to her.

"You will continue helping me even if I say no, right?"

"I will stop. I respect your wishes. But I will still help indirectly through Nami."

"Stubborn playboy."

"I'm not playing with all of you though. I'm more than serious to make it possible. Watch me, Shizu."

Talking big like this… I know I'm being full of myself at this moment but I need this optimism or I will succumb to the impossibility of what I want to happen.

"At least your optimism is admirable. Perhaps there were already some who told you this but I will say it again. It will be a hard road, Ruki."

Shizu slowly turned her head towards me. With my face reflecting in her eyes, I can feel her concern towards me. And with her lips in close proximity, it's now fairly easy to take it and plant mine on it.

"Not just hard but extremely difficult. I will not underestimate it. That's why I will soon start laying foundations for it."

I accepted what she said and smiled confidently.

"You're truly determined huh? And here I am, telling you to give up on everyone and become mine alone…" Halfway through her words, Shizu's tone became woeful.

"It's fine to think that way. I will change your mind soon."

Along with my arms pulling her ever closer to me, my head gradually lowered to close the remaining distance to hers.

With our gazes never breaking, the slightly damp lips of hers touched mine. Before our lips completely overlapped together, Shizu's eyelashes fluttered as her eyes gently closed.

There's still that wall between us. However, a small crack was enough to temporarily reach her like this.