The Feeling of Liking Someone (3)

Looking at Ruan Qingmu, who was silent, he desperately forced out a smile. “You guys won’t understand.”

Ruan Qingmu frowned. “Why is it important whether other people understand or not? Let alone that you like to dance while wearing women’s clothes, it shouldn’t matter even if you like to dance naked!”

Fang Li’s eyes were miserable. “It’s not like this. Everyone clearly feels that… only a pervert would be like this.”

Ruan Qingmu stared at him fixedly, saying word by word. “You’re not a damn pervert. You’re not even in anyone’s way.”

Fang Li painfully shook his head vigorously. “You only say this to comfort me. Even Fu Songhua said that I’m…”

“I heard it when he said it at that time.” Ruan Qingmu took a deep breath and kept his temper back. “He thought it was a thief then and had no idea it was you.”

“Didn’t he feel very disgusted no matter who it turned out to be?”

Ruan Qingmu patiently said, “It was just a thoughtless remark, don’t penetrate a bull’s horn*.”

*T/N: Penetrate a bull’s horn (idiom): waste time on an insoluble or insignificant problem.

Fang Li suddenly shouted emotionally, his voice sharp. “A thoughtless remark is someone’s true opinion!”

Ruan Qingmu was startled and hurried to reach over to cover his mouth. “Fuck! Speak a little softer. Do you want to attract the dorm officer?”

The place where his palm touched was cold and damp and Fang Li’s face was covered in tears.

Ruan Qingmu slowly let go of his hand and looked at his delicate, haggard face.

After a long time, he suddenly asked amidst Fang Li’s silent sobs, “Why do you care so much about that stupid big guy?”

Fang Li raised his head, stunned, appearing dumbfounded.

Ruan Qingmu gazed at him and calmly said, “There were several times when you secretly looked at his photos on your phone. I know you have his pictures.”

He wasn’t someone who liked to meddle in other people’s business and wouldn’t care about other people’s gossip.

But Fang Li’s seat was right in front of him and he would accidentally see the picture on Fang Li’s phone several times during lunch breaks and break times.

When he glanced over, the screen was full of a certain guy’s image—some when he was playing freely on the basketball court, proud and puffed out, and some when he was leading the exercise on the podium, appearing smug.

The images weren’t very clear and seemed to be taken secretly, carefully, and hastily.

Fang Li’s mouth trembled, and his face became even whiter. He spoke in near panic, “I… I don’t… I just casually looked at those pictures.”

Ruan Qingmu calmly looked at him and his gaze was somewhat weird as if sympathizing and understanding all at once.

Fang Li avoided his heavy gazes, becoming slightly incoherent. “I… I don’t mean anything else, just feeling that he’s very good… nobody has been that good to me.”

When he raised his head to look at Ruan Qingmu, he was so anxious that he wanted to cry again. “No… No. Ruan-ge, you’re even better to me. But… but, it’s different…”

He finally couldn’t say it anymore and covered his face as boundless shame and despair came up and overwhelmed him.

Ruan-ge did a lot to cover for him, helping him fend off people who bullied him.

But Fu Songhua’s good was chasing after him and smiling at him alone.

From childhood until now, he carefully pleased other people, his classmates, and his mother.

Only this person would turn around and smile smugly at him when he was flying all over the field, would notice that his food expenses were not much, and especially bring a meal card to let him eat more, would offer a snack packet and stuff it with treasures on sports day.

Even more so, he would diligently shout out for him on WeChat every night. “Xiao-Fang Fang, Xiao- Li Li! What are you doing? Have you finished your homework? Remember to ask me if you come across any problems. I’m in the top ten in the grade and can help you out!”

Everything gave him the illusion that he also deserved to be treated with care as if he was a different kind of treasure.

Ruan Qingmu looked at him for a while before reaching out and patting his shoulders.

“Fang Li, don’t be afraid.” He pondered and earnestly said, “No matter what you think, don’t be ashamed of this matter, okay?”

Fang Li looked at him in stunned silence.

Ruan Qingmu laughed softly.

“I’m just saying, it’s not a mistake whether you like to wear women’s clothes, dance a woman’s dance, or like anyone as long as you don’t harm other people.”

Ruan Qingmu was slightly dazed. “I never thought about what it was like to like someone before. But it should be especially nice now that I think of it.”

His usual demeanor tended to be a little lazy and dispirited, but his eyes were brighter at this late hour when he should be asleep.

“Regardless of the result or whether that person knows or not.” His smile was gentle and dazzling. “Liking is liking. There’s no right or wrong with it and you shouldn’t even feel sorry for it.”

Fang Li didn’t say anything.

Ruan Qingmu stood up and stretched his body. “Let’s go. Go back and have a good night’s sleep.”

Fang Li followed him and silently walked to his dorm.

As he was pushing the door open and was about to walk in, Ruan Qingmu suddenly called out, “Fang Li.”

Fang Li looked back in, completely stunned.

Ruan Qingmu stood at the head of the stairs downstairs and gave him a thumbs up. “I almost forgot to say this to you, it’s good-looking.”

Fang Li stood dumbfounded, tears glistening in his eyes. “What… What?”

Ruan Qingmu leisurely said with a serious expression, “Whether it’s the dance or when you wear women’s clothes, they all look gorgeous. I’m being serious.”