Chapter 356 I Hated You

"My girlfriend ignored me for days, and then another guy will drop her home. Not only that, but it seemed her relationship with this guy was becoming better. On top of that, that person likes you… very much, probably much more than I do. Of course, it wouldn't sit well with me."

"It makes me so angry that I had this sudden urge to punch his face when you smiled at him while you ignore me. It drives me crazy. Do you still like me? Or did your feelings lessen because of a misunderstanding? Why are you with him? When will you talk to me? Will there be a chance to fix it?" Maxen continued, unleashing all the heaviness that had accumulated in his heart for the past several days.

"I… am only human, Cosette. I make mistakes; sometimes or rather, most of the time, I doubt myself. Can I really make her happy? What if she becomes miserable because of me? Should I really listen to myself and be selfish and foolish and just marry you?" Pain overlapped with the anger in his eyes. "If I am only thinking of myself, I would take everything you have. I will just forget my promise to your father and listened to the demons whispering in my head."

"I am hurt, confused, and angry. Why can't you understand you are someone I shouldn't even have dreamed of, but here I was, thinking of how many children we should have?" Maxen took a deliberate pause, scoffing as he realized he lost his mind for a moment. He ran his hand through his hair in distress, clearing his throat as he looked away.

"Sorry," Maxen huffed once again. "I just have a lot of things on my plate. Let's go inside."

As Maxen was about to start the engine again, he paused when she spoke.

"I hated you once." Her voice was quiet, eyes down. "I had this dream in the past. A very long one where I felt trapped. In that dream, you made me miserable... very much. You broke my heart over and over, and you are aware that what you will do will break me, but still, do it anyway."

"One day, you will hold me as if the world was ending and then look at me as if I am the only one you see, but then the next second, you won't even look back every time you leave. I had to pick up the pieces of my heart and stitch them back, only to realize another piece of it was missing. No matter where I look, I can't find them. And then I realized you were stealing bits and pieces of it each time you will leave," she smiled bitterly, recalling that time in the past. "You collected them, took them as a hostage to keep me running back to you every time."

"You played me and I willingly danced in your tune. You… hurt me so much, but that's not why I hated you." A layer of tears coated her eyes, as these were the words she had always wanted to tell Maxen Devilsin. "I hated you… because I thought that was the only way to forget you."

Cosette raised her head and faced him. "I thought if I hated you enough, I will eventually forget you. But then, something came up, which is silly. Hate… isn't the one that made me forget you. I was grateful at that time because I didn't need to force myself to forget."

"So I enjoyed every second of pain and misery just to love you even more. Do you think I drive you crazy? Max, you drove me to insanity. I once told myself if I ever have the chance to go back, I don't want to see you again. But here I was, back to you, even when I know you might make me miserable again." She bit her inner lip to keep herself from crying. "That only proved one thing; I don't want to be saved. I chose this hell and I will keep choosing this hell if that means I'd be with you."

"I think that insanity is the only thing I kept because I could've chosen other paths, but I didn't. Instead, I created another one that wasn't in the option where my life will still revolve around you. But this time, you'd love me back." Cosette relaxed her fist that was on her lap, but she kept her eyes on him. "Asher told me he loved me; he loves me so much that he would let me go. You're right. Asher likes me more than you do. After all, you might tell yourself you want me to be happy, but at the back of your head, you only want me to be happy if the reason is you."

"You cannot let me go, just like what he did. Isn't that what makes you reluctant, Max? Because at the end of the day, you're afraid that once we married and we came to a point, divorce is the only option, you might just imprison me somewhere?" Her brows rose slightly while his irises widened a bit. "I am not as clueless as you think I am, Maxen."

Because at the end of the day, Maxen was the villain in this story and Asher was the male protagonist. No matter how much she would change the story, their own ghost would still follow them like shadows. All she did was prevent those ghosts from taking over and write the course of this story.

"I was already miserable and pathetic for disregarding all the monstrous things you had done, finding excuses and justification for why you turned out the way you did." Cosette swallowed down the tension in her throat as she breathed out the rest of her sentence. "I wish you could be me for a day, so you have an idea of how much I love you. It was driving me crazy. Literally. But this wish terrifies me because you might want to run away from me if you knew my manipulative heart and my decaying morals."

When she looked away, Cosette had to wipe the tears that managed to escape her eyes.

"Today, we made up with Amie and spent almost the entire day with her. Then Asher called me while I was on my way home, so I met up with him. He said he quit his job at the Quinn Holdings and wants to pursue a degree in medicine; he will study abroad to pursue his dream," she shared without looking at Maxen. "I was very happy for them and thought it was a happy day to make up with my boyfriend. Since it was my fault, I should say sorry and probably make out. But I guess that's impossible now."

Her eyes slid to the corner to give him a side drive. "I'm tired. Let's just go."

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