Chapter 128 The Guilt She Had Carried Till Death

Cosette gasped as she sat upright, clutching her chest as she caught up to her breathing. Her eyes shook, and just like the previous night, her dream would wake her up, tears filled her eyes.

She had lost count of how many times she found herself waking up in the middle of the night or before sunrise. The dreams were different, but whenever she woke up, it was the same for her.

Cosette would sweat buckets, tears would fill her eyes, and her heart was in pain for no damn reason. Whenever she tried to recall what sort of dream she had, her brain wouldn't respond.

But tonight… was different.

Yes, she was still sweating buckets, and tears flooded her eyes. However, she wasn't trying to recall the dream anymore. She was trying to forget it.

"Maxen…" her lips quivered as her breathing suspended until her neck turned taut. "You… did it all… for… me?"

Her face contorted as her mouth fell open, in disbelief at the 'dreams'... no, memories she had forgotten. Cosette covered her mouth to muffle her cry. A tear rolled down her cheek when she closed her eyes.

"Mia… Asher… Luke…" She whispered in between her ragged breathing. "You… ruined them and yourself… for me?"

Cosette pounded her chest, hoping to shift the pain. However, it was futile. The pain in her heart, the guilt, the fear, and the regret was slowly consuming her.

"I remember everything now…" came out another muffled voice. "I remember now…"

pAnD a(-)n0ve1.com Cosette cried in silence to vent the pain in her heart, but it wasn't enough. She breathed in deeply, but instead, she felt like her lungs were constricting at each breath. It was suffocating.

Without thinking twice, Cosette crawled out of the bed desperately. She tripped over the bed, landing with a thud. She winced, but still forced herself to stand up.

Wearing nothing but her pajamas, Cosette dragged her feet out of her room. Her steps started slow — almost dragging her feet — until she was sprinting. And for some dumb reason, as soon as she reached the garden, the sky clapped as if to congratulate her in the most scornful way.

Raindrops started falling with Cosette right in the middle of the garden. Another clap of thunder echoed, making the raindrops fall faster and heavier.

"No…" she whispered, shaking her head, water pattering over her shoulders. "No."

Another thundered echoed, muffling her cries. The rain concealed the heavy tears falling from her eyes.

"What did I do…?" Cosette looked up, welcoming the rain on her face. "What are you doing to me?"

Her hand balled into a fist as her eyes sharpened, grinding her teeth angrily. "Why were you playing with me?!" she yelled when she couldn't take the fury building up inside her.

"Do you call yourself a god?! If you brought me back here, why didn't you tell me anything?!" Cosette screamed her lungs out, hoping someone from up there could hear her. She screamed and screamed, crying and cursing, all to vent the anger in her heart.

She now remembered everything… which she wished she didn't. She wished she remained ignorant until the end. If only she did, she wouldn't bear this guilt she had carried deeply till her death.

And what she was doing right now, cursing the creator of this world fiercely reminded her of the past.

Under the pouring rain, Cosette had also broken down, cursing the gods, and questioning them.

"Why can't we also be happy just like everyone else?" were the words she remembered repeating back then. "Why… when he and I… finally found each other did you plan to take me away? Why now?"

Many questions filled with a deep desire to be answered and each time she got no answer, her hatred of this world deepened. After all, Cosette also wanted to be happy with Maxen. Even if it was wrong, even if she had to sacrifice everything and live a humble life where no one else knew them.

Cosette… wanted to be happy. However, before she could even decide to ask him to run to an isolated island where it was just the two of them, life screwed her over.

Not just one disease, but multiple, as if to make sure she would die. It was ridiculous, especially at such a young age. Yet, whining, crying, cursing, and hate had never resolved her problem.

That was why… Cosette cut him off.

Instead of keeping him around or telling him, she was dying, Cosette cut him off. She hurt him off in the most painful way so he would rather hate her to the point he would kill her. But Maxen… didn't hate her no matter how much pain she inflicted on him.

Instead, he bought her lies, assuming Cosette fell in love with Asher but he had another lover. Therefore, to make Cosette happy, Maxen turned into a monster to separate Mia and Asher.

"It was my fault…" Cosette whispered, feeling her knees wobble until they gave way. Slumped on the damp grass, Cosette clutched the ground while grinding her teeth.

"I… turned him into a monster. Everything happened because of me."

Cosette knew she could've stopped Maxen when she heard about what he had done. However, she didn't. She couldn't. Her condition worsened, experiencing episodes of her dementia.

That was why… she wrote their story so she wouldn't forget them all. So she wouldn't forget how Cosette turned Maxen into a real devil, who eventually drove him to his own death.

"Rotten piece of milk…" Cosette clutched her chest as more cries followed. Her voice began to sound rasped until she had lost her voice from all that shouting she wasn't used to. "How can I… forgive myself?"

"Cosette!"

Suddenly, Conrad's voice echoed behind her, but Cosette gazed blankly at the darkness ahead. Seeing his daughter sitting on the grass under the pouring rain, Conrad didn't hesitate to run outside.

"Cozie!" Conrad squatted down in front of her, holding her shoulders. His heart sank as soon as his eyes fell on her blank eyes. "Cosette…"

"Dad…" Her throat bobbed, snapping her eyes up ever so tenderly. "... why am I alive?"

"What?"

"Do I deserve to live?" Cosette bit her trembling lips as tears began to pool in her eyes once again. She looked at his face, grateful and resentful at the same time. "I miss you so much… so much I think I'm going crazy."

"Cozie, what are you saying? Why are you sitting here under the pouring rain? Let's go inside, alright?" he nodded in panic, rattled at his daughter's distraught expression.

"Papa…" Cosette ground her teeth and jumped slightly, flinging her arms and wrapping them around his neck. She rested her chin on top of her shoulder that was over his shoulder.

"I'm really sorry…I'm really, really sorry." She repeated those words over and over and over whilst crying.

"Cosette." Baffled, Conrad could only rub her trembling back. "Why… are you sorry? There's no need to say sorry."

Pain and bitterness shone in his eyes, and a little bit angry for not being able to grasp her situation. Why was she sorry? Why was his daughter crying? Conrad didn't know what made her cry and thus, it was killing him.

"It's alright," he whispered, embracing her securely in his arms. "It's alright. You don't have to say sorry. I… you father, will understand and forgive everything. So, don't cry anymore Cozie."

Meanwhile, the servants including nanny Lucia and the head butler were inside. They looked at Conrad and Cosette in worry. Just minutes ago, some servants saw Cosette running outside in a hurry, and then it began raining.

They thought of asking her to go inside, but instead, they saw her cry her heart out. Hence, they called Conrad.

"Goodness. What happened to our young miss?" one servant muttered, almost teary-eyed in worry.

"Did the young miss say anything?" asked the head butler, looking at everyone. Much to his dismay, all he saw was everyone shaking their heads.

"We only saw her rushing outside as if her life was on the line. Is the young miss alright?" another servant inquired, and then all eyes slowly shifted to Lucia since she was the closest to Cosette.

"Young Miss…" Lucia called under her breath, clutching her hand closer to her chest. "Did someone hurt you?"

As everyone watched the two, wondering if they should step in to bring umbrellas or let them be, Maxen, who came from the kitchen to get a bottle of water noticed the servants. His brows furrowed, seeing that everyone was flocking to the entrance of the garden.

"What's going on?" he wondered, approaching them carefully, to see what could make everyone panic. Thanks to his tall stature, Maxen could see through the transparent glass sliding door.

"Cozie?" His already knitted brows creased even more before his pupils dilated. There, outside, were Cosette and Conrad.

"What… Butler George, what happened?" Maxen asked, raising his voice to get the butler's attention. When George looked in his direction, he lowered his head slightly.

"We still don't know, Sir Maxen. All we know is that the young miss rushed outside and had been crying since."

"What?" Maxen breathed out sharply, setting his eyes on the garden. "Why… was she crying?"

He couldn't see Cosette's face as her back was facing their direction, but the worry in Conrad's eyes was enough to tell everything. Cosette was in deep pain, and Conrad couldn't understand the reason.