Chapter 109 The Future Or The Past? A Memory Or A Dream?

GASP!

Cosette panted for air as she sprung up after waking from a long dream. She clutched her chest tightly and touched her face when she felt tears staining it.

She had a dream like she always had. Usually, Cosette would wake up feeling groggy and confused every time she woke up from her dreams. However, she would usually forget what it was about and go on with her day. She almost got used to it that Cosette put little thought into them.

But now... she could remember some details in her dream last night. They were so clear to her that she was in disbelief. She could remember rolling under the sheet with the older Maxen, kissing and smiling, acting like lovers despite not having a clearer label.

The feeling she felt in those dreams, how her heart fluttered at his low chuckles; how her body burned with his touches, and how she felt within his embrace. Cosette could feel the guilty pleasure in them, and this pain in her heart.

"Max..." she whispered, her lips quivering. "... what is going on?"

Cosette wiped her tears with the back of her fist, but her eyes wouldn't stop shedding them. This sadness again, she thought. This sadness that she felt that one time she woke up after dreaming of herself writing in her journal.

"Why...?" Cosette hugged her knees, a little bit fearful that the dream snippets of her dreams lingered in her head.

Was this because she made out with Maxen? But why was Maxen called Maxen Devilsin? With all the changes she did until this point, there was no way Maxen would go back to that kind of life. Also... why did she look so sad even though her heart fluttered just looking at him?

"Am I failing?" she wondered, believing those memories were probably just some dream she would probably have in the future. After all, there was not a point in the novel where it was written that Maxen and Cosette had some sort of connection. Although they both appeared in volume two, that was just how the novel happen to thicken the plot, right? A love rival for the male lead and the female lead's love rival.

"I think I'm going crazy..." she whispered, hugging herself tighter.

Cosette succumbed to fear for a couple of minutes as she pondered about the strange dream and the pain in her heart that brought tears to her eyes. After some time, her brows rose as she looked around, realizing she was back in her room.

"How...?" she trailed off, remembering fighting her sleep while watching a film with Maxen. But it seemed she had fallen asleep.

"Did he carry me here?" she wondered before her eyes softened as her lips curled up subtly. "I bet he will complain later."

Cosette reached for the empty side of the bed and felt it with her palm, wondering what happened when she had fallen asleep. Did he stay longer? What sort of expression did he wear as he laid her down? Was he annoyed about making him carry her? Things like that crossed her head, imagining what happened last night and how she ended up back in her bed.

"That's impossible," she murmured after some time, nodding encouragingly. "I'm probably just overthinking. Maxen will not become a criminal, and I... I won't be that lonely."

After looking around, Cosette convinced herself she was simply overthinking. She believed it was simply her fear that the novel would still follow the natural course of the characters.

"I'm rewriting it and the author can just cry," she huffed, recomposing herself and convincing herself the plot shouldn't bother her anymore. Cosette exhaled sharply once again and put her fist up to cheer herself.

Since the clock just hit six in the morning and Cosette had no plans for the entire week before the class starts, she decided to review the changes she had done since the beginning. Cosette hurriedly went to her desk and grabbed her journal, hiding it in the locked drawer.

As soon as she saw her own handwriting — my life with my baby villain — her eyes softened. She caressed it affectionately, smiling at it, somehow giving this warmth in her heart.

"It feels like... I don't know," she whispered, but the sense of relief and satisfaction just by looking at those words swelled in her chest. Cosette stared at it for a long time before turning the page.

On the first page, Cosette read the summary of the novel she wrote when she first came into this world. She remained silent as she kept reading and turning the page. The more she read, the more she realized that the next several pages weren't part of the novel.

Actually, more than half of the content in her daily journal was all her daily entry lest the real Cosette returned. So she wouldn't get confused by the changes in her life. She didn't realize how happy the words she wrote down herself until she was reading them again.

"That's right..." she whispered. "It's impossible for Maxen and Cosette Blac to become the villainess and villain."

She rocked her head, convinced at her first argument she was simply overthinking. After all, the entries in this daily journal were loads of fun, memorable, and warm memories Cosette would cherish forever. Even though there were entries she would diss Maxen, and even Asher and Mia, the entries were full of life that even though Cosette was the person who wrote them, could not help but think whoever wrote these silly entries had a fun, eventful life.

"Now.... before I forget them." Cosette recomposed herself as she flipped the journal to write on the last page. She didn't want to ruin the daily journal by adding something in between. Moreover, it was good to keep things organized.

With that thought in mind, Cosette started jotting down the dreams she had last night. She even added the words she told Maxen, and what he told her in those dreams. Although it was just snippets, she also placed bullets in some scenarios of that dream.

Cosette tried to recall the previous dreams but to no avail. She couldn't remember them, so she focused on what she remembered.

"Fuck buddies..." she mumbled, clicking her tongue while shaking her head. "That's impossible  —"

Her face froze when she recalled the steamy kisses last night. Now that she was sobered, her face dyed red the more she recalled what happened.

"Max... touched my..." she covered her lips with her palm, wanting to slam her forehead against the desk out of embarrassment. "How am I going to face him now?"

Cosette's dilemma came a bit late since she was fine last night. But she blamed it on the moment and the high emotions between them.

"Now that I think about it... what are we now?" she asked herself, racking her brain while her body was frozen on the spot. This time, Cosette hit her forehead on top of the journal. "I don't know what's the status between us now."

"Ugh..." Cosette grunted, resting her head over her arms that were bent on the desk. "I should've made it clear last night. It's too embarrassing to face him now, knowing he touched..."

She winced at the memory of how his hand slipped inside her shirt and fondled her breast. But the most embarrassing was Maxen touched her lady down there. She didn't feel embarrassed while in the moment, but now... she felt like staying in her room all day to avoid him.

Just as Cosette was wallowing, she noticed the digital clock on the desk was not in the right position. Her brows creased, reaching for it to put it back in place since it bothered her. But as soon as she did, a memory or one of her dreams came back to her.

*****

"Stop touching my things, Mister Devilsin." Cosette crossed her arms, watching Maxen in a dashing suit look around her room — not the one in the Blac residence, but her own place — and was touching things. When he straightened his back and looked back at her, wearing a cunning smirk, she rolled her eyes.

"You always do this to me, seriously." She grumbled, stomping her feet to the desk near his vantage point to arrange the frame in its rightful place. As soon as she did, she halted when she felt his warmth from behind her and a hand stopping her from fixing the frame to how she wanted it.

"This is a bad habit," he whispered, crawling his arm around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. "I barely moved it. You shouldn't get bothered by it."

"Don't blame me," she cast him a side-eye, unbending to his argument.

"Don't let this control you anymore." Her brows rose and twisted her head to look at him better, only to see Maxen staring at the picture frame of her and her father. "You are always so obsessed with being so organized and seeing things in their original position. Let it go."

"You..." Cosette pursed her lips, biting her lips. "I can't."

Maxen glanced at her and rocked his head. He didn't say anything and just let her hand go, but only to move the frame a centimeter for her.

"Happy now?" he cocked his head and smirked.

"Mhm..." her lips curled up, looking at the frame in its rightful place. "Looks better now."