CH 150

There were two ways to counter incriminating evidence. One could either seek additional evidence to prove one’s innocence or call the existing evidence into question. Till now, Lil has been spending her energy on the former. The latter method didn’t even come to mind. 

‘Cesar is a very honest man. I know all too well how morality is ingrained in his life… Is it acceptable for me to not doubt Cesar’s sincerity or should I feel sorry for not confronting him?

In fact, no matter what I did, I would’ve suffered either way. If I had stood up against Cesar, who threatened to kill Ed himself if we didn’t dump his body in the sea right away, I probably would’ve had to block his sword aiming for Ed myself… But there weren’t just two options, there had been a third solution all along. It was an answer that I probably already knew the moment I made my choice, but I chose not to… Cesar didn’t allow me, and in the end, I ignored it… I was the traitor, not Ed…

Since Ed insisted on his innocence, there’s no way I can back down now. He pleaded that he was innocent. That’s the most valuable evidence to me.’

Lil descended her steps and was gradually pulled into the artillery deck. While passing by, the sparsely spread hammocks wobbled in the air.

She opened Cesar’s cabin without knocking. At that moment, Cesar was sitting at his desk, resting his forehead on his hand. Feeling someone’s presence, he immediately raised his torso toward Lil.

“…Captain?”

“…”

Lil crossed the cabin silently and started to pick up the papers on the desk at random. 

‘No, it wasn’t this letter.’

Lil rummaged through the desk for the correspondence. After doing it three or four times, Cesar grabbed her arm.

“Liloa. What are you doing?”

“Where is the letter?”

“What?”

“The letter from the Navy.”

“…”

Lil twisted her gripped wrist and pulled it out. She then browsed through the book on the desk followed by looking into another drawer. Cesar moved back and pulled out his chair. He stood up, rose high behind her and turned her around.

Lil shouted.

“Where is it!”

Instead of answering, Cesar only stared down at her. Lil turned again in order to find the letter. 

‘Forget it, I can find it by myself. It isn’t that hard to search through his desk.’

When Lil shrugged off the grip from her forearm, Cesar’s complexion hardened at once. In complete disbelief, he tried to make eye contact with her, but Lil didn’t turn back to tell him anything, she only squeezed her trembling chin shut. Cesar, who couldn’t wait any longer, tightened his grip and before Lil even got the chance to twist her body, he spoke.

“It’s not there.”

“What?”

“I lost it.”

“What?”

“…”

She couldn’t comprehend what he just said.

“…You…”

“…”

‘A navy was caught acting as a spy on one of the League’s ships. It’s an unprecedented event that should be treated with utmost confidentiality even within the League, so evidence from such an important case should never get lost. It’s evidence that has to be transported from the Bell Rock all the way to Anunchio on Panichi… I can’t believe Cesar simply said he lost it! Does he really expect me to just accept this ridiculous excuse?’

Lil quietly raised her other hand and pushed back the hand that was gripping her arm.

“What the hell have you done?”

“What the hell have I done? What do you mean by that?”

“There’s no doubt that the pigeon knew Ed. But the letter from the Navy…”

“…”

Lil’s lips moved with difficulty, feeling as if every word she uttered brought her one step closer to hell.

“Did he really communicate with the Navy?”

“What do you want to believe?”

“The truth.”

“Do you trust him more than me?”

“I said the truth! I trust the truth! Neither you nor Ed! How can you all afford to lie to me?! What the hell is the truth now? What have you done?!”

Lil reached forward and grabbed Cesar’s shirt, her fingers easily clenched his collar and her damp, wet eyes looking up at him. Even if she had to climb the white castle wall, she climbed tenaciously.

“I…”

“…”

Flustered by the sudden situation, Cesar immediately tried to calm her down. However, Lil, who firmly gripped her hands, looked straight at him. 

His red eyes were like flames blazing from the watchtower on top of a fortress wall that stood firm. The heat emitted from them was incredibly fierce. Lil cried out at the flames she had never dared to face before.

“I… What have I done! What did you make me do!”

“..!”

His dilated pupils drift between anger and patience. It seemed that he needed time to fathom Lil’s shocking treachery. Seeing those emotions from the man looking down on her, her heart ached even more, making her feel like she was the criminal who committed a crime. The words she had been forging and sharpening without hesitation, seemed to have stabbed Cesar right in the face. 

‘The face that has been radiating nothing but warmth for years and showed a smile every time our eyes met, looks…’

“Does it even make sense to say you lost it when you’re well aware of the League’s circumstances? Is there any reason why you think I shouldn’t read the letter? Huh? Is that why you lost it? What the hell was on there? Why did you do that? Why…”

“…”

Cesar roughly grabbed one of the wrists that was clinging to his collar. He squeezed it so tightly that it felt like he was about to crush the back of her hand.

“Where’s the pigeon?”

“…”

Despite it all, Lil persisted in her interrogation.

“Did you dispose of the pigeon, too? Why? Destroying military assets is a felony under Imperial law. You shouldn’t have done that. Or did you send it back? Is it going back to the fleet? Then what?”

Cesar stood motionless, still holding Lil’s hand. The back of Lil’s hand became white and numb. Eventually, that same dull pain travelled to her chest, neck, and head. However, Cesar remained unresponsive and it was putting her on edge. She hoped he would be equally angry for her show of unsatisfying defiance and defence of Ed. But soon her anger started to sooth out by the calmness she faced, even if she didn’t like it. However, Lil didn’t want her anger to die out. So, in one way or another, she attempted to fight against the silence. She was about to open her mouth again when…

“…Why… Why are you asking me this?”

“You know why.”

“I know you aren’t the kind of person who does this without a good reason.”

“Reason? You mean the same reason you used when you casually lost the message?”

Lil’s sarcastic remark stiffened his relaxed eyes.

“Liloa. Calm down.”

“…”

The voice warning her was as low as an echo in the deep sea. The temperature of the sea floor, which had never seen the sunlight, hit her ears coldly.

“Why do you keep asking me this when you already know the answer?”

“I can only think of two reasons why such an important piece of evidence would disappear. Either it’s due to carelessness, or you’re trying to cover something up. I simply can’t associate you with the former.”

“Then, are you saying that it’s the latter? How can you say this to me?”

“I asked you a question. Answer it.”

“I guess you don’t believe in me anymore…”

Lil knew exactly what Cesar wanted. It was the absolute faith she’s had for him so far. He wanted her to show it to him again this time. Don’t ask, move on. Whatever the truth was, it didn’t matter anymore. Because tacit acquiescence has always been the foundation of their relationship. It has always been the truth for both of them.

But Lil couldn’t accept Ed’s fate in this way. Lil was supposed to be in charge of the interrogation. As captain, she had to personally investigate Ed’s story, determine his motivations, and then sentence him. If the verdict came out as guilty they should’ve extracted as much information from him as they could. But in the end Lil had never been a moment alone with Ed. She was afraid Cesar’s watchful eyes would cause her to stumble while speaking with Ed. 

‘And because I didn’t, Courant took matters into his own hands and conducted his own interrogation in a manner he only saw and heard of… I should’ve stood up to Cesar no matter how angry he was. I shouldn’t have allowed my role as the Captain to be overshadowed by Cesar’s role as my lover. Because Cesar didn’t allow me, I ended up making a terrible choice, making me a pathetic human being… I ended up denying my inner desire to prove Ed’s innocence… Or did I unknowingly want to prove that I held no special feelings for him?

It was I who emphasised fairness to Ed by citing my beliefs about natural laws. But when that true test of fairness called for me, I simply ignored it to the point of burying my own rhetoric. If he was no different from the others, I should’ve treated him the same way as the others. It was pathetic of me for being harsher, especially as I only acted that way to him. And now, I can’t believe someone died because of me…’

Lil was the only one who could correct her own blunder. It was a mistake that happened on her Bell Rock and no matter how its society was crumbling down, the Bell Rock was still the Bell Rock to Lil.

“It’s not that I don’t want to believe you. I just want to check the contents of the message properly.”

“…I’ll ask again. Do you believe the doctor or me?”