CH 149

Headnote: Hi guys, we’re sorry for the late upload. Unfortunately, Pru got Covid and needs time to recover. That’s also why we’ll have a small hiatus and skip the Monday/Tuesday and the Wednesday/Thursday upload. We’ll be back on our regular schedule from Friday. Happy reading and see you soon! 

Pru and Formidable 

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‘I find it even hard to laugh because it’s just so ridiculous! But there aren’t a lot of reasons to separate common sense from causation. No, rather, I’m convinced, humans can’t be made to move without a purpose. If I exclude factors like the Navy or Sesbron and focus only on Ed’s motivations…’

Lil slowly lifted the tossed-aside notebook again. It was obvious that her figure wasn’t drawn the way Ed drew herbs or trees. It was a completely different sketch style. From Ed’s point of view, he could see the nape of her neck extending to her bare shoulder. Lil’s face heated up, it felt as if she was eyeing herself through the gaze of that man. The blood vessels in her neck thumped and sweat dripped from her clenched fists. Lil curled her lower lip inward and bit it.

As she continued to stare, it seemed as if the scene before her was coming to life. Her shoulders in the sketch rose and fell as she exhaled in shallow, regular intervals. While the light illuminated her face with a soft crimson light, a hand slowly stretched out, adjusting the brightness of the lamp, possibly to create better lighting. Soon, the hand let go of the lamp, grabbed a piece of charcoal and moved to the drawing book.

‘He mustn’t have drawn this all at once… He was also watching…’

Lil knew with what kind of eyes Ed had been looking at her.

In his quiet cabin, the sound of charcoal scraping on paper due to the making of curvy lines could be heard continuously. Drawing thinly, the tip of the charcoal pressed between his fingertips, drew Lil’s face, neck, and shoulders. The paper reflected the yellowish light, and that same hazy, thick light illuminated the face of the person who was drawing. Lil followed the ray of light and looked at Ed as if she was truly facing him.

‘I think I know why you drew me.

Because you couldn’t touch me. If you could’ve touched me, there was no reason for you to draw me. You drew this because you wanted to touch me… How odd. He was always acting like such a confident pervert, so where did this sudden shyness come from? I know I would’ve been offended if he had told me, but this is too…’

As if avoiding Ed, Lil took her gaze away from the sketch.

‘This is too… pitiful.’

Her head throbbed as if it was about to burst. Lil placed one of her hands on her cheek and washed her face dry repeatedly. Nonetheless, her emotions kept raging. Her body, which had been getting more and more agitated, turned stiff and feverish, just like when she was angry. Even though she knew he wasn’t here anymore, Lil wanted to cling to Ed’s dead body and release her anger onto it.

‘You idiot! You knew I doubted you and you knew how jealous Cesar could get. What drew you to me so much that you followed me all the way here?’

{ “…I’ve been wanting to say this to the Captain for a long, long time…” }

‘You stupid…’

{ “…It’s an honour to have met someone like you in this short life…” }

‘You’re so stupid…’

Ed’s stunned expression flashed through Lil’s mind.

‘When I asked him about artifacts, he just stared blankly. And when I went to him to give him the pearls he couldn’t even make eye contact and hid his face from me. I can’t believe I mistook that as his gratitude for finally being accepted as a member of my crew!’

A vain laughter came out. Lil laughed as if she had lost her mind. 

‘I still have no solid evidence, but it already seems that I treated Ed too unfairly. He was so pitiful that it probably turned him crazy. I can’t even fathom how cruel it was for him…

Courant spent hours in Ed’s cabin standing guard. Ed, tied with double and triple knots, had no way of resisting it at all. I can’t stand the thought of how he had to endure such a brutal beating. So much so that I’m on the verge of putting a gun in the mouth that ordered it…’

Lil imagined Ed standing right next to her.

‘He always walked so casually into Mortu’s castle and blew the wind. And every time I flinched and tried to run away, I could hear his faint whisper: “Why don’t you just stay in the wind?” …Come to think of it, the wind was always warm. But I cut it off several times when it tried to wrap itself around my tattered ankles… I probably appeared miserable when I pulled the hem of my skirt down…’

That same wind suddenly whispered a very self-evident fact.

“…I couldn’t have done that…That’s right. Even if I was from the navy, even if I was in correspondence with the fleet, there was no way I’d intend to sink the Bell Rock… You’ve got it completely wrong…”

Lil didn’t know Ed’s initial motive on why he joined the Bell Rock. She didn’t even want to know. But there was no way Ed wanted to kill her or get rid of her ship.

Lil looked around as though she was looking for traces of him. Her fleeting vision passed by the corner of the desk, the legs of the bed, and the wall. Like following a ray made of light and dark, her sense of reality faded. Her normally colourful surrounding suddenly turned into that of a black and white painting. Her eyes, which could no longer warm up to the orange light, were unfamiliar with the dark grey masses. It felt like time escaped her.

As she was drowning in the shade of grey, someone suddenly knocked on the door.

After hearing the sound, Lil realised that she had been wasting her time alone. Even when she looked at her watch, she couldn’t tell how much time had actually passed. 

In the meantime, the visitor spoke.

“Captain. It’s me, Alain.”

Lil hastily closed the sketchbook.

“…Come in.”

She wasn’t sure if her voice did come out well, but she knew her face would be even worse. When Alain entered the cabin, he immediately noticed it. Lil, on the other hand, straightened her shoulders to show that she was fine.

“Why have you come, Old man? Did you come to defend your actions like Jericho did?”

“No, Captain.”

Alain hesitated at first, fiddling with the hat he had taken off. Lil unexpectedly focused her entire attention on Alain.

‘Alain feels just as repulsive to me as the others, but he’s probably the most reasonable one of the four. Not to mention that Courant, Jericho, and Cesar weren’t thinking clearly at the time. Jericho and Cesar would’ve only stood by if Courant tried to beat the unconscious Ed again, but Alain would probably have stopped him…’

Still, she couldn’t find any words to comfort him. 

“Then what? Tell me quickly and leave.”

“There’s something the doctor told me…”

“What? When?”

“He said it when he was locked up.”

Alain’s face was painfully crushed by guilt. He pretended to be calm, but the weight was visible. Lil had an uneasy feeling about it. In that brief moment, before Alain opened his mouth, she already knew what kind of words were coming out.

“He said it was unfair.”

“…”

Hearing this, Lil wasn’t sure if she wanted to ask further or not.

“He said that the Bell Rock wasn’t in any danger.”

“But why…”

“Of course, at the time I thought it was all bullshit. But now I’m starting to feel uncomfortable about it, so I had to tell the Captain…”

“Why now…”

“I gagged him after he asked to see you. I’m saying this now because it’s all over.”

“…”

Alain continued, constantly looking around.

“If I had said this to you in the middle of our deliberation, wouldn’t the Captain have adjusted his judgement? It was a crucial and dangerous time. When I think about it, I feel bad too, but what else could I have done apart from making sure that luck would be on our side? Can’t we allow just one or two people to die? For a sailor, falling off the ship and dying on a sunny day is probably the best way to go, so is it really any different for a doctor?”

“…”

Alain loudly cleared his throat and added some more words to his shameful rationalisation. 

“Anyway, I’m telling you this because the Captain seems to be worried about it all the time. But how could we have known if he truly was innocent or not? Look, Captain. I know that you want to uphold the Bell Rock’s code. But with our current situation, it’s not that easy. Half of the sailors on the Bell Rock are still wet behind the ears… I’m sure you’re well aware that it takes a lot longer to discipline them with writing than with fists, right? Julio, for example, isn’t the kind who can be talked to. He doesn’t listen. He’s already been broken by the Empire way back in Marchand. So for now, hide the code of laws of the Bell Rock. Even if you oppose this kind of ruling, the one through guns and swords, codes just aren’t applicable in a dangerous situation like this. Our safety should always come first, right?”

“…”

“…Captain?…”

“…”

“…Did you hear me?…”

“…”

The boatswain’s voice faded behind Lil as she opened the captain’s cabin door and stepped out onto the deck. As she started to walk absentmindedly, her crewmen were taken aback and hurriedly stepped aside.

{ “He said it was unfair.” } 

After hearing that, she couldn’t think of anything else. Lil’s entire focus was now on Cesar. 

‘If Ed is innocent, what happened to the letter proving his spying? What did Cesar read…’