CH 124

“Liloa.”

Lil raised her head.

“You seem to be deep in thought. I knocked on the door, but you didn’t answer.”

She indeed failed to hear it. Lil looked up at Cesar, who was already standing next to the captain’s seat. Startled by their sudden closeness, Lil made a clumsy sound.

“Uh…”

With her mouth open so stupidly, Cesar moved closer and took off her necklace. He leaned over the chair and licked Lil’s still open lips. With his actions, Lil soon came to her senses and reciprocated, gently touching and sweeping his lips with her own tongue. 

Cesar let out a hot breath between her lips.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing…”

Cesar’s tongue became entangled with hers, stopping Lil from finishing her sentence. His big, hot palms wrapped around her cheek. Lil led his tongue in her mouth with much familiarity, knowing that sucking and rubbing it pleased him. 

“Are you still thinking about it?”

“No…”

The hand that was groping over her shirt eventually held up her waist, making Lil stand up from her seat without any resistance. She suddenly realised it had been a long time since she last slept with Cesar.

‘It seems like it’s almost been two weeks… Yes, definitely more than a week… So around two weeks.’

Lil then recalled the bandage that was wrapped around her body. 

‘Cesar might not have mentioned it because of my injury. And as he hadn’t complained about it, I completely forgot.’

In the midst of her thoughts, Lil’s body was carefully lifted and placed on the bed. Cesar’s lips dug immediately into the nape of her neck, making her giggle reflexively as it was her most ticklish part. His lips, which had been nipping on her neck repeatedly, bit her bumpy earlobe. The throbbing sensation was as loud as if thunder had struck her ears. Cesar’s tongue then followed the circular path along her auricle before raising its tip to pierce Lil’s earhole. As soon as he took off his tongue, her wet ear cooled down, causing a few of her hairs to get stuck on her skin.

She worried a little, thinking they couldn’t sleep together given her body’s current state. But, an idea came to mind. 

‘There’s no rule that states we should follow the traditional route. In addition, there’s no other way to solve this since I’m on my monthly period…’

Lil skillfully complied with the procedure. A wife’s duty was to satisfy her husband, rejection was immoral and impudent. In that regard, Cesar was very considerate of her.

‘This way, he won’t have to deal with my period.’

When they were mixing their bodies, he never told her to lie down on the desk or the floor. He never made any unusual demands either. And he wasn’t the kind of man to stop after fulfilling his own desire only.

‘So what’s missing?’

Lil kept asking herself that one question. Cesar was the ideal lover, who did nothing wrong and didn’t lack anything. She was being treated so well. It would be difficult to find a more caring man than he was to her. By all accounts, Lil might be the most fortunate woman in the Empire.

So at first, the fact that she couldn’t love him back, drove her crazy. The thought that she might be a shameless and strange woman stressed her out every single day. 

‘The problem isn’t with Cesar, but with me. I’m giving him a hard time, while he’s hoping that I’ll change my mind. There’s nothing wrong with Cesar. So why? A man who will only look at me… In the first place isn’t love supposed to be like that? All I have to do is appreciate and accept the love he’s wholeheartedly giving me.’

Lil pushed Cesar and rolled him over to her side. She got on his belly and swept her dishevelled hair. She then slowly lowered her lips and gradually made her way down his body. Meanwhile, Cesar’s eyes, clouded by the burning heat, fixated on her.

“Liloa, you don’t have to.”

“…”

Lil ignored his words while her hands were already taking off his pants. For Lil, this wasn’t unfair. Cesar always wanted to do the same for her, but it was she who didn’t enjoy it. She refused from the start, so she was never in a position to feel neglected. In some ways, she felt it was better for them to end their night this way. At the very least, she didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant. She didn’t have to wash her entire body, either. And considering how a ship was always running low on water, she thought it was rather fortunate.

“…Liloa…”

Cesar tilted his head backwards and grabbed the back of her head. Lil had no time to get her breath. 

‘If I delay this even a little, he’ll cool down quickly. Then we’ll have to start all over again…’

***

A pair of black eyes kept staring at Lil. The gaze was so intense that it felt like it would pierce a hole in the middle of her forehead. Lil’s brows continued to flinch and twitch. The eyes, hidden by a gloomy shadow, had dark red blood dripping from them and were horrifically sharp. Because of this, whenever Mortu watched over her, Lil couldn’t sleep. Even when she managed to fall asleep, nightmares would hunt her, making that worse than not sleeping at all.

Mortu appeared to be visiting her almost every night now. He was especially tenacious and assertive on this voyage. As a result, Lil had trouble sleeping and was unable to close her eyes these days, causing her to develop symptoms of insomnia. The area around her eyelids stung as if vinegar had been poured on them, her eyeballs were sore as if they were about to fall out, and her nerves were jacked up as the dizzying thoughts in her head screamed at each other. In this state, it was killing to stay still in bed like this. Moreover, she was not alone, so she couldn’t move freely and express her struggles fully for fear of waking Cesar.

While holding her breath, Lil carefully stood up and walked away from the bed. 

‘If it comes to it, I can just say I just woke up after falling asleep.’

Lil glanced back. Cesar tossed and turned, but he never asked her where she was going. Instead, a pair of dark eyes watched her quietly. Lil walked across the room, trying not to turn her head towards that gaze even slightly.

As soon as she left the cabin, Lil put the toothbrush she had brought with her into her mouth. Her throat was parched from thirst. She couldn’t stop herself from washing her mouth, that tasted as if she’d been chewing on salt for hours. Rinsing it out felt not enough, so she scrubbed her teeth tenaciously with abrasive powder. 

In the South, the bristles of a toothbrush were so harsh that they could sometimes irritate the users’ gums. Lil, on the other hand, appreciated them on days like today. 

She spat the water she used to rinse her mouth over the railing and saw the frothy water vanishing among the calm waves. The remaining water was splashed across her face. Her facial muscles, which felt stiff due to frowning while trying to fall asleep, gradually loosened. Lil picked up the glass bottle containing some birch sap*. In an instant, her mind became clear after dipping some with her finger and filling her mouth with the refreshing taste. She pursed her lips and blew into the air, her breath swept through her mouth and tingled her tongue.

“What are you doing?”

Startled, Lil quickly closed her mouth as if she’d been caught doing something bad. She was all too familiar with that tone. It wasn’t a young voice like Courant’s or a friendly voice like Jericho’s, but an easygoing and mature one. Lil immediately recognized the owner of the voice. She knew, even though all she could see was darkness. Unknowingly, she twisted her body away from the voice, thinking it was fortunate that she met him only after she finished brushing her teeth. If it had happened sooner, Lil thought it would have been pretty awkward.

“You don’t have to know.”

The still fresh scent lingered in her mouth.

“Why did you come out late at night and wash your face like a cat?”

“A Cat?”

“Cats wash their faces like that.”

– Pat. Pat. –

She couldn’t see him, but she got the impression that Ed was imitating the way she washed her face earlier. At the same time, she felt water trickling down her forehead and temples. Lil wiped the remaining water off her face with her sleeve. 

Her tired eyes got heavy once more, so she closed her eyes for a while. For Lil, this situation was no different from torture as she felt dizzy enough to fall asleep immediately, but she knew she couldn’t because of the insomnia.

“But why are you out here? You should go in quickly.”

“I don’t want to.”

There was no reason to force Ed to go since he already said no, so Lil just left him alone. She spoke to him with two sentences, but he responded only to one. 

‘Not that it matters.’

Just like that, their conversation got cut off. Ed wasn’t as chatty as usual, and Lil wasn’t naturally talkative either. So she fixed her eyes on the sky. When she got out of the cabin, she walked over the ship without a sense of direction, but somehow she found herself standing directly in front of the clear half-moon. Lil could only see the moon’s upper body as the rest was obscured by clouds serving as its nightly curtains. Moonlight fell onto the sea, creating a long stream of light dancing on the waves. 

After they stood there awkwardly and looked at the moon for quite some time, Ed suddenly muttered.

“…I’m feeling depressed…”

“…”

Lil guessed that this was his response to her first sentence. Ed muttered some more while resting his chin on the railing.

“…I’ve been a bit depressed these days…”

– – – – – 

*Footnote:

Birch sap: also known as birch sugar contains Xylitol, which is a natural sweetener and can also be used as an active ingredient for oral hygiene. Xylitol provides numerous benefits. For example, it protects against cavities and prevents the formation of dental plaque and gum disease. It also makes us secrete saliva, which helps to regulate the pH of the mouth, controlling acids and promoting the protection of tooth enamel [Lacernatur].