CH 5.4

The atmosphere, hmm, should have been pretty good.

Of course, this was referring to the atmosphere before Chu Jian received that phone call.

A call came in from an unfamiliar number. Chu Jian was not mentally prepared for it, but when she answered it with a “hello,” there was already the faint sound of breathing on the other end. It sounded especially like Jian Bianlin when he called her sometimes, and were it not for the fact that Jian Bianlin was driving, she would have even thought that he must have lost his mobile phone and changed his number before he called…

That was, until the other end said, “Chu Jian, it’s me.” An unfamiliar, yet familiar voice.

Chu Jian’s brows puckered as she searched her mind for a moment. Xu Jing? Immediately, she felt a little uneasy. Trying to cover up for it, she greeted, “Ah, yes, it’s me… Is there something the matter?”

She stole a glimpse at Jian Bianlin.

Reception was cut off.

Everything about this community compound was great, except that the parking garage had no mobile phone reception.

So, in the end, it actually seemed as if she had hung up the phone out of a guilty conscience.

“Who was that?” Jian Bianlin detected something.

“… Xu Jing.”

Jian Bianlin did not say anything. Shutting the door and locking the vehicle, he walked with her up the wooden staircase of the courtyard to the central garden area of their community compound. Chu Jian was not certain whether it was because she was simply feeling too guiltily apprehensive, but she felt that the sound of his footsteps was very heavy.

Swipe the key card. Walk through the main door. Wait for the elevator.

A phone call came again…

This time, Chu Jian recognized the number and did not answer. She had not seen that other party for so many years anyway, so she was not afraid of offending him. When the two of them stepped out of the elevator, Chu Jian rummaged through her purse for the key. Right as she felt her hand brushing against it, Jian Bianlin’s palm pressed against the nape of her neck, and wordlessly, he pulled her against him into his embrace.

His action was quick and decisive and done in one smooth motion, but because it was too unexpected, Chu Jian’s forehead was sore from crashing into him. The key that her fingers had just contacted slipped away from her again. When his kiss came down on her, she even thought, did all people who were in a relationship just kiss for no apparent reason like this? Didn’t they get tired of it? …

Both of their were lips were cool because of the temperature outside, and now, as they made contact, she felt that his lips were a little dry.

Her tongue was pulled directly into Jian Bianlin’s mouth and then fiercely sucked on.

Stumbling, she fell against the closed elevator door. Her tongue felt raw and sore, like it had been torn by his ferocious kiss that had bombarded her without so much as a warning, and she had no choice but to shove him away with her elbow. “That hurts.”

……

Jian Bianlin stepped backward, pressing his back against the corridor wall.

In the half a day that he had been back, he had done nothing but make soup for her while reading through his script of lines. If the bamboo shoot he was peeling was even slightly tough, he would continue to remove more of the outer layers, a little at a time, for fear that she would not like to eat it because the texture in the mouth was unpleasant to her. He knew how to cook all her favourite foods, but every time he had made them, he or his father had been the one to destroy it in his belly. After all, the flavours created from the same oil, salt, soy sauce, and vinegar could vary vastly depending on the different hands that used them to season, and in regards to whether the foods he made suited her taste, he actually did not have much confidence.

He had intended to feed her until her belly was full and happy so as to create a nicer atmosphere. Then, he would tell her that, these last few days, his mind had been filled only with her, that he had wanted simply to hurry and make a stopover in Shanghai just to see her.

But things had completely changed—all because of that phone call.

With face taut and head lowered, Chu Jian dug through her purse for a long time in search of her key. After opening the door to her home, she banged it shut behind her. On the stove in the kitchen, there truly was a pot of bamboo shoots with pork bone broth. The table had already been set with bowls and chopsticks, and there was even a small dish of spicy chili sauce mixed with sesame oil.

He was very aware of her habit where she liked to fish out the bamboo shoots and then dip them in this type of sauce to eat.

After standing in the entryway for a little while, Chu Jian’s head had cleared.

Turning around, she opened the door. Sure enough, he was still leaning against the wall of the corridor.

Luckily this place was only two units per floor with one staircase, and even couriers only left their packages in the mailroom at the front gate and were not allowed into the community compound. Otherwise, if this big celebrity were photographed standing with his back against the white wall in such a despondent state, it would certainly cause imaginations to fire.

“I haven’t seen Xu Jing since we graduated.” She walked up in front of him.

He knew that. Jian Bianlin lifted his eyes and looked at her.

Biting down on her lip, Chu Jian restrained her emotions. “I already told you in Macau, your dad is the one who gave him my phone number. You heard everything when he called. I don’t know, either, why he’s trying to contact me.” Besides, back then, it was just for three days, and the only physical contact we had was when he held my hand for a short bit after I agreed… You’ve kissed me many times already, you know? …

He answered in a low voice, “I know.”

She was taken aback. “Then what are you mad about?”

Jian Bianlin tilted his head up to glance at the up and down arrows over the elevator. “I just don’t feel good once I hear his name.”

“… That’s just being unreasonable.”

He actually went so far as to give a quiet “mm-hmm” and admit, “You can’t talk reason when it comes to this.”

Even if he clearly knew that they could not possibly have any type of relationship anymore, he still felt uncomfortable. He had absolutely no intentions of being reasonable when it came to this. There absolutely could not be even the slightest signs or suggestions of anything. Even hints that it was being daydreamed about it were out of the question.

Choking back on her frustration, Chu Jian blurted, “When you were in that competition, didn’t you have a really close relationship with a girl? If I were to be unreasonable, would you be able to take it?”

Jian Bianlin paused in surprise. His brows drew together. “Who said that?”

She did not intend on continuing the discussion.

“You believe it?” he pressed.

Without waiting for her answer, Jian Bianlin stretched out an arm, wanting to pull her into his embrace. Chu Jian instinctively sidestepped him.

Jian Bianlin’s hand froze in midair. Dazed for quite a while, he carefully controlled his breathing and, in a hoarse voice, followed up with another sentence: “Let’s get married, how about that?”

……

All around, it was empty and quiet.

The evening wind made whooshing noises as it swirled and blew in through the corridor window, causing her temples to throb painfully.

……

His one sentence had left her utterly stunned.

She truly had been frightened by it. It was similar to a person who previously had not really dared to go on a swing. Finally, she summoned her courage to sit on one, but before she had even steadied herself, someone gave her a big push from behind while she was completely unprepared. She careened toward the highest point, and then, with a crack, the rope snapped and she was hurtling forward…

Chu Jian stood there for a full half a minute. Without at all observing the expression on his face, she tossed out the sentence, “Just go calm down alone for a bit.”

Then, she went back into her home.

The door was shut and, furthermore, was locked from the inside.

She leaned her back against it.

Granted, they had the foundation of having known one another for many years, so they did not need to start at the very beginning of understanding each other’s family and background or even everyday habits. But, they had only just started dating, and she was only just starting to have inklings of those feelings of liking someone.

Marriage—that was such a serious matter. At the very least, there should be love, right?

Out in the corridor.

Jian Bianlin basically did not even know what was up with himself. That random, foolish sentence had practically popped out from his mouth, and after he said it, he had painfully regretted it.

With both his palms pressed against his forehead, he shut his eyes. After quite some time had passed, he pulled out his key and opened the door to his own home.

“Whoa, hey, you’re back? I’m about to starve to death here.” Xie Bin set down his beverage can and peered about. “Where’s your wifey?”

Jian Bianlin shook his head.

“Weren’t you going to pick her up? You didn’t find her? If you couldn’t find her, you should call Tong Fei. Can’t even find a living, breathing person?” Xie Bin’s head was spinning, and his eyes were blurry with hunger. God knows he had waited until his stomach was so empty it was as if his chest was touching his back.

Jian Bianlin did not utter a response. Pointing at the kitchen instead, he told him, “Make something yourself. I’m going to sleep for a bit.”

The result was, this sleep lasted into the middle of the night.

It was nearly midnight when he rose from his bed and yanked off his pullover sweatshirt, intending on going to take a shower. Xie Bin likely had heard his movements, and pushing open the door, he stepped in and dragged Jian Bianlin out of the room. “Forget the shower. Go and eat something first.”

Saying this, Xie Bin went into the kitchen, twisted on the stove, and then drew a circle with the spoon that was in his hand. “All right, tell me now. Things were just fine when you went to go pick her up. How come you weren’t even able to bring her back in the front door of the home?”

Xie Bin finished speaking, but he actually held no hopes that Jian Bianlin would tell him what exactly had happened.

Rambling on, he spoke about the arrangements and schedule for the next while.

Then, he took a look into the living room. There was no one there anymore. He cast another glance around. There he was, taking in some air on the balcony…

Xie Bin ladled out a bowl of soup and left it on the dining table.

“I’ve never liked a girl so much before. Tell me, what does it feel like?” Shaking his pack of cigarettes, Xie Bin took one out, lit it, and took a deep drag. “I suppose I’m just too good-looking ’cause the girls are the ones who are desperate for me. But I’m used to it already.”

Jian Bianlin was silent.

“Of course, it’s still not quite to your degree.” Xie Bin was gleeful. “All right, serious now, what does it feel like?”

Xie Bin pulled over a beverage can that he had just finished and used it as an ashtray.

Feel like?

As Jian Bianlin leaned against a wicker chair, his hand on his forehead, he stretched out his other arm, grabbed the box of cigarettes out of Xie Bin’s hand, and moodily pulled out a cigarette.

He did not have much of a tobacco craving. Occasionally, if his filming required it, he would smoke.

Later, he had used it to pass the time when he was feeling tense and restless. When he lit up, though, he would just bite down on the cigarette as something to do.

“Am I pretty lousy and disappointing?”

Xie Bin paused blankly for a moment at this random, out of the blue question before grinningly replying, “In your fans’ eyes, you are perfect in every way.”

Jian Bianlin tucked his chin down, his gaze also naturally sliding downward to take in the winding design on the balcony’s tile floor. “I really, extremely love her.”

“I know.” Otherwise why would I help you trick her into going to see you? Xie Bin muttered in his mind.

Jian Bianlin fell into another moment of silence. Finally, he simply repeated again, “Really, extremely love her.”

He could not explain exactly; he only knew that he could wait an entire lifetime for her.

When he was in his teens, he had abandoned himself to despair, imagining that, in the future, should she fall in love with someone else and marry, he would wait, wait until she divorced. If she was happy and doing well, he would do what he could to add more goodness to her life, to make her life even better. If she was not happy, he would, without a moment’s hesitation, beat up that man and then bring her back home with him. During that period in his early twenties, when he could not yet see the future of his career and was also unable to frequently make up excuses to see her, he had dreamed about Chu Jian, her eyes brimming with tears, throwing herself into his arms and sobbing as she told him about someone being mean to her, mistreating her, or other atrocious acts. He had always started awake, his insides churning painfully. Leaning against the head of his bed, he would sit for the remainder of the night, from when the sky was black until it glowed with light.

That feeling where his heart would hammer with fear that she would be taken advantage of or put through suffering was difficult to describe in words.

With a quiver of the embers, he stubbed out his cigarette on the edge of the aluminum can. Xie Bin, coincidentally, had also moved at the same time to flick the ash off his smoke and was nearly burned by Jian Bianlin’s cigarette butt. With the hiss of a sharp inhale, Xie Bin cried, “What are you doing?”

That person who had just put out his cigarette was now striding swiftly away, leaving the balcony. “She hasn’t eaten yet. I’m going over there.”