Chapter 284 Into the Eyes of Her Future Self

Axel chuckled, but his smile was half-hearted at best.

“Axel?” Bell called to him with concern.

“It's nothing,” he said.

“You're worried about how Winter will feel about Alice?” she asked.

Axel took a deep breath.

“Right now, I'm more worried about what's happening to her,” he said. “In the note, she said she was taking another treatment.”

Bell let out a mournful sigh.

“Why would she do that?” Bell asked.

“I don't know, but she gave me a phrase… I think it's to wake her.”

“Wait… if she gave you a phrase… she must have done something to protect herself, like a safeguard against losing complete control this time.”

Axel nodded.

“Alice told me she had a cave in her mind that she could see out of. She was aware that she couldn't do anything to affect her actions or what she was told to do.

“She talked about cracks in the window. How every time she had a treatment, this dark liquid would seep into the cracks and rush at her. She would climb the stone walls desperate to keep her head above water.”.

Bell was in tears once more. She sniffled and let out a shuddered breath as she listened to this tragic retelling of a real-life horror story.

“She would hang by her fingertips, clinging to the hope that she could keep this one small space where she was free,” Axel sighed. “I don't want to believe she is trapped in that hole again.”

Bell thought carefully before she spoke. Then, she reached out to Axel and touched his shoulder.

“What you described sounds a lot like a controlled fracture to me. Alice is strong. Her will to survive and retain her mind is insane,” Bell said. “That hole is something she was forced into. Her mind was desperately trying to escape from what was happening, making a hole.”

Axel nodded.

“But,” Bell continued. “If she gave you a phrase to wake her, that means that she created a space for herself, a protected space. I'm not really sure how that's possible, but I haven't done a lot of work with Bitter Night users or survivors. As far as I know, there is no other case like Alice's.”

“So, what are you saying?” Axel asked.

“I'm saying that I think Alice might have figured out a way to keep herself safe, at least mentally. You need to trust her on this. She's been protecting herself her entire life. She knows better than anyone how to do it.”

Bell smiled, but Axel didn't seem reassured.

“It's not about trust, Bell,” he said, looking up at her, his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I do trust her, and I believe her when she says she will find a way back.”

“Then what's the problem?”

“I want her to trust me, to be there for her, to help her.”

“She does… otherwise, she never would have told you everything she's been through.”

“Maybe,” he said. “But not letting me help her, telling me to stay away when I know she is in danger. It might be the right call. I don't know. But it feels like she doesn't trust me to help her.”

Bell chewed her lower lip as she listened. She couldn't help but think of Galen.

“And I know, as you said, she knows how to protect herself. I get that. But she doesn't have to do it alone.”

***

After ensuring that Bell had everything she needed, Axel left, letting her know that the patrol rotations for tonight would include her home.

Bell thanked him and ushered him on his way.

She locked the door behind him and then walked through her home, checking every window to make sure they were closed and locked. Once she was finished, she went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of juice. Before leaving, she also took a knife.

Returning to the living room, she set the knife in front of her on the coffee table alongside the juice. And then she sat down on her couch with her thoughts.

‘Roman.'

Even in her own mind, she had avoided saying his name for many years. As though acknowledging him would somehow bring him out of her nightmares and into the flesh.

‘Roman.'

Bell took a deep breath and then licked her lips.

“Ro…”

She pursed her lips and took another deep breath through her nose.

“Roma…”

A soft sob escaped her lips.

Saying his name with Axel present hadn't been difficult. It was a matter of stating facts and sharing information. But now, alone, it felt like calling out to him.

She clenched her jaw and took another breath.

“Rom…Roma…”

Bell knew that the only way she would ever be able to shake his hold was to retake control of her life.

For the past six years, she had been hiding, pushing away all of the fears and the doubts and blocking them within the cold mountains of Winter.

But if he was back, it was just a matter of time before he came for her. Before that happened, she needed to stop being scared of him.

Bell reached down and took the glass in her hand. She took a sip of her juice and, with renewed determination, told herself to speak his name.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Roman!” she shouted.

For the briefest moment, she felt relieved, proud, and victorious.

But then, in the darkness of her closed eyes, two flames moved toward her. Two burning angry flames sped at her, threatening to consume her.

Bell screamed and opened her eyes, gasping for air as her heart beat a mile a minute.

“Damn it!” She threw her glass at the door angrily and cried out in frustration.

She took a shaky breath as the angry tears fell from her eyes.

“Damn it…” she sighed softly between sobs.

‘…she knows how to protect herself. I get that. But she doesn't have to do it alone.'

Axel's voice whispered in her mind.

Bell looked at the door, the shattered glass over the floor and the liquid splashed all over her walls. They would have worried and fussed over her if anyone were to walk in right now.

“If Galen were here right now…” she whispered to herself. “He would just get me a new juice.”

She chuckled sadly and then stood up. Grabbing the knife first, she walked to her desk, where her phone was charging.

Setting the knife down on the desk, she grabbed the throw blanket draped over her chair and wrapped it around her shoulders. She then grabbed her phone and the knife before returning to the couch.

Bell placed the knife back on the table within reach, then bundled herself in the blanket and curled into the corner seat. Looking at the time, she knew she had another hour before his schedule was clear to talk without interruption.

She set the alarm and tried to take a nap.

As her mind slipped into the darkness of her sleep, she heard a strange sound. A dripping sound. In the distance, a light came on. Bell moved toward it. Under the light, there was a small puddle. A small, red puddle.

Bell started to feel panicked when another sound called her attention. It was a rough, dragging sound like a body pulling along the stone floor.

She lifted her eyes toward the sound taking deep, short breaths.

A hand reached out from the darkness and came down against the floor, trying to grab hold and pulling itself from the shadows. Another hand landed in the small, red puddle, splashing the ghastly liquid toward Bell.

She gasped and tried to step back but couldn't move.

A head of dark hair emerged, followed by small shoulders and a torso. The body stopped moving. The head began to lift, a girl, a teenage girl. She stared up into the eyes of her future self with her jaw hanging loosely. Blood covered her face.

She gurgled out two words.

“Help… me…”

Bell screamed into the darkness.